Family trying to reconnect

LegacyUser

A couple of years ago, my sister was physically assaulted by our aunts and cousins. Now our close family doesn't talk to any of our relatives except for a few who weren't involved. Although many of those that we don't speak to wished my brother a happy birthday on Facebook. My mother and sister want nothing to do with them and will never speak to them again.

Recently, they have been trying to get into contact with me. I replied to a message from a cousin asking me how I was. When I told my mother, she wasn't happy and she said they hadn't tried staying in contact with me after the incident so why were they bothering a couple of years later.

I've gotten another message congratulating me on exam results. The extended family that we do talk to obviously have been speaking to the others. She said she would like to meet up with me.

I don't like holding grudges and would rather move on and forget when I have disagreements. I also think it's rude to not reply. I wasn't involved in the incident so maybe it's not my place to pick sides. It seems they are trying to make contact with us. How do you decide whether to forgive and forget or cut them out completely as we have done? If I did reply, I feel I would be betraying my sister and mother. I am very close to my sister and she really suffered over what happened.

I assume I can only ignore any contact they make with me?

deisemum

Going on what you've posted and about being close to your sister then I'd support your sister and not bother with those who assaulted her.

CaraMay

So who exactly assaulted her? Did the people who are contacting you assault her?

intheclouds

Why would you want to be in contact with people who assaulted your sister?

groovyg

Are you friends on facebook with them or how can they contact you? I don't think you should be friends with people who assaulted your sister. Yourself and brother should review your security settings on facebook so you can block them from contacting you and seeing anything you post. They are obviously playing games and trying upset your family.

Xterminator

i personally would not make up with the person or persons who assaulted your sister; unless they apologized and tried to make amends to your sister 1st.

however some of the extended family who never took park in an assault may have had to 'take sides' at the time. i wouldn't have a problem repairing bridges there with family who didn't have any hand in the assault. you might give your sister a heads up though incase she takes it badly.

X

KikiDee

My initial thought is why would you want to reach out to people who have done this to your sister?? However, it's obviously playing on your mind so, I'd tread carefully with this one OP. These people assaulted your sister. Naturally your immediate family are going to 'side with' her. By you reaching out to those people, are you going to alienate your immediate family and damage ties?

zoobizoo

A2 wrote: »

A couple of years ago, my sister was physically assaulted by our aunts and cousins.

I don't like holding grudges and would rather move on and forget when I have disagreements. I also think it's rude to not reply. I wasn't involved in the incident so maybe it's not my place to pick sides.

Your sister was assaulted.

What's ruder, an assault or not bothering to reply to someone who was involved in the assault?

Not your place to pick sides? It is. Support your sister. She suffered a lot over what happened as you say yourself

Your loyalties lie with your sister - not with the abuser.


As for your mother, if it was your child that was assaulted, how would you feel?

Do you avoid all conflict in your life?