Childhood

LegacyUser

Hello I'm just wondering is there anybody here that has the same issues with their childhood as mine ...full the Last few years I'm carrying a lot of anger because of the way I was treated by my parents ...everyday I was slapped in the face by my father practically I was terrified of him ...even for stupid stuff ...I was a very quite child and it effected me badly ..there was no compassion in the man just pure anger ..one day when I had my back to him I was either pushed to the floor or kicked and I remember looking up at him he was raging and just dying to give me a hidding...
Anyways I was constantly told I was stupid and useless ...I always felt sick as a child sore roach and flu like illness but they told me I made it up and to cope on ...that is something that stayed with me ..I always thought it was in my head it is amazing how that stuff stays with you ...any way last year I was diagnosed with crohns I had it all my life my consultant wondered how I lasted so long without diagnoses...my father has died since but I harbour a lot of anger for him ...I know this upsets my mum but I can't forget ..sometimes I wonder am I making too much out of this ..as we were well looked after nice home and stuff..anyone been through any thing like that ...

Ursus Horribilis

Have you sought out any professional help/counselling for this?

Neyite

You've had a horrific childhood and I'd recommend that you talk to someone about that. If you are not ready to talk face to face with someone, there is a chat thread on another forum with people who have had similar experiences with dysfunction and abuse in the home.

LegacyUser

Yeah I have been to counselling about it ...but it is something that keeps coming up in my head ...I remember for years every time I was in company of an adult I used to flinch expecting to get hit ...even now as a adult I find it hard to communicate with people that remind me off my father ...I feel as if I'm not good enough ...I remember once being brought to mass by him we then walked home 20 mins ..when we got home I got belted around the kitchen I was 7 ...to this day I still don't understand why ..
Another time we were going for a swim ..I told my uncle who I idolised at the time and he said he wanted to go ..when my father found me he nearly floored me with a belt ..told me that my uncle had been drinking and it was my fault if he drowns ...when I think of this now I realise he wasn't brave enough to confront my uncle so hit me instead ...makes me so angry now ...I think I will join the forum your were talking about thanks ...I have kids now myself and I wouldnt dream of hitting them ...it would destroy their world ...I don't think people realise the damage that they do to kids

intheclouds

Thats terrible for you Paulie boy.

Although not physical violence I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and it has had a huge impact on me. I went to group therapy for years and the big thing I learned was that I had to accept the things that had happened to me and let the past be the past.

I do still get gripped by memories from time to time and upset by the things I remember but I allow that to happen and when I am done thinking about it and being upset I try to mentally put it to bed and move on.

It helps being able to talk about these things, not so much that someone else helps by listening but by saying out loud what happened and how you felt seems to help the mind accept and process the bad memories and take some of the sting out of them.

Ryan Mac Sweeney

Hi there
I have read your post. I am so sorry that this happened to you. My mother also had similar experiences with her father when she was growing up he was in the army and he was extremely strict. My advice to you would be to accept that was a long time ago its in the past its anicent history now so just forget about and move on. If you had a bad past just leave the past behind and remember the saying what happens in the past stays in the past and think about the present and future. If the memory still keeps coming back then you should go and see your GP and talk things through with him or her and ask to be prescribed with medication to help you get over it. You can also call Pieta House if you feel that you are struggling to cope.

marizpan

To put this in the past, you need to deal with it first.
Clearly it has not been dealt with or you wouldn't be having strong feeling of anger etc.

So please do not try and 'get over it' by putting it in the past. In later years it will haunt you.

It might take a few years of further counselling and openly talking about the abuse for you to mourn the childhood that never was and the parent that let you down. Only then will you be ready to move forward.
Best of luck

LegacyUser

So sorry to hear what you went through as a child, no-one should have to experience that and these things leave a scar and can affect you deeply. If you google Havoca there is a message board with people who have had similar childhood experiences - it may help to have some support there from people who understand. Would you consider going to counselling again? Sometimes these things need to be revisited to heal.

RhubarbCrumble

@Paulie boy, there's a thread here that seems quite similar to what you went through. Maybe you might find some of the advice there could be helpful.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057490328

LegacyUser

Is only in recent years I have realised what I went through and damage done....it has resulted in me having very low self esteem ..it effects me in my work life and personal life ..I have been to counselling and it was good to talk things out , I feel I would like to try CBT to change my way of thinking ...has anyone here tried cbt ,did you find it any good and is there a type of cbt I should look at ..or is it all the same