Do I contact

cath1980

Hi really could do with some advice/help. I'll try keep this as brief as possible. Basically was in long distance relationship with someone. He lived in Canada me in Ireland, he moves back to Ireland permanently in November. We had plans to settle down have a future and kids etc. We are both late 30's and wanted same things. we grew up together he moved away long time ago but got back intouch couple years ago, it developed into this relationship since last August when he was home. He told me he was home for me and wanted me and future together. He then left for Canada and called every single day we were constantly in touch! It was great I had no doubts or concerns at that time. As time went on I noticed things not adding up like he always called from work never from home if he face timed he was always out in car pulled over! Never spoke much about his life there. Anyway he came home again and things were not good. He let me down couple times but I kept hanging in there, also noticed his drinking! He drank at breakfast time and was always hungover or drinking when I saw him, it was obvious drink came first. We had a night out he got soooo drunk and was off dancing with another woman in front of me, then fe told me he was sleeping with someone in Canada and I should do same here then he said he didn't mean it but he clearly did!! I took photos on the night out said I'd post them and he seemed insistent on me not and was giving these ridiculous reasons not to. Anyway I went online couple days later and his whole profile was deactivated!! I asked him and he said he must have done it by accident and when I pushed him on it then he said it was not the time to talk about this as he was hungover! This from the man that wanted to have kids with me, we were even trying! We planned things like a home just so so odd. Basically that was last time I spoke to him, he called once 6 days later but I ignored it. Then he flew back to Canada and have not heard a thing from him. I know everyone reading will think ok this is so obvious that he was lieing and clearly has woman in Canada. He told me so many times he was not with anyone etc and I never doubted his intentions to settle down with me . I miss him so much and I'm so stuck and finding it hard to move on without closure. I've stopped myself from contacting him but part of me wants to tell him exactly how I feel and what the hell was he playing at and how much he hurt me. Am I better to let my silence speak for me or should i contact him ?? The fact he has not so much as apologised or text me tells me he doesn't give a toss. My friends are all killing me for even wasting breath on him after how he behaved but he was mine and we got on, over the phone he was this great supportive man and just was everything I could have wanted. Any suggestions what to do?? Please

ellie1

How long since he went back to Canada?

As hard as it is, I would not make contact right now and possibly never. At some point it is most likely he will contact you again and if you choose to answer him, it would be a great idea of you were the strongest most positive confident version of yourself .

This means getting exercise in so join the gym as it helps with anxiety, depression and anger at this time. Also helps you look fit and healthy which is a hot look which will boost your confidence.

You need time to process this so start writing it all down, write write write. Spend time with people who love and care about you.

Eat well, sleep well and book a holiday for yourself somewhere.

And when you are this strong positive confident woman and when he contacts you, you can tell him to **** off.

cath1980

ellie1 wrote: »

How long since he went back to Canada?

Almost 3 weeks now!! I didn't notice any changes the whole time when he as there that made me think he had met someone else so my guess is he had someone the whole time and it may not be serious !!

cath1980

Thanks so much Ellie you are spot on! I'm just feeling so hurt and letdown right now it's hard to see past it. Really struggling to get myself together. He promised me the world but his actions didn't match up. I have joined gym but struggling to even get out of bed to go there. Writing is a good idea as it might help me get it all out. I'm better now than I was three weeks ago so I'm sure in another three weeks I'll feel differently again . Thanks for the advice and yep hopefully I'll be strong enough to tell him to go f!"& himself if he does contact me again next time he's home

njs030

I'm a bit confused Op, am i right in thinking-
You started seeing this man in August which is 6/7months ago.
You live in countries miles apart.
He's been back once or twice since then.
You only ever spoke or facetimed when he was out-of his house.
You were trying for a baby???

Did you ever visit him? Have you ever spoken to him late at night- in bed for example?

Honestly Op it looks very clear the man is in a serious relationship with someone he lives with and doesn't deserve another minute of your time.

I would be quite concerned about you though Op, your desperation to have any relationship and babies is screaming out of your post and makes you vulnerable to horrible people. Really try to focus on your own life and being happy in yourself so next time you won't be as easy to mess around.

cath1980

Hi thanks . This is the odd part, it was him that wanted me him that wanted kids him that had the plans for the future. Initially I just thought id enjoy his company when home but he was the one who was in constant contact with me. The time zone meant when I was sleeping he would be just finishing work so when ever we spoke he would be at work but on weekends he was always out driving when calling . He FaceTimed me around two times from his bed. My guess is he was probably living with someone too but then that doesn't add up either as why would he bother to contact me ever day for months and plan this future back in Ireland with me. His family met me also . Im sure he had woman on scene alright though. Just all horrible either way.