Dilemma - friends with benefits or nothing or more

LegacyUser

So I met this girl on a night out. I had seen her in the gym a few times but then on a gym night out at Christmas, we ended up chatting, getting on really well, and subsequently went home with her. Got on really well with her so was chatting a bit the next day and by chance met her out again the next night. We got on so well straight away again, no awkwardness and all that so it was grand and ended up going home together again. Kept in contact over the Christmas as we are from different places originally but then met up again since the new year.

We started meeting up every week this year. I couldn't drink so they were kind of low-key affairs like cinema, small bit of food or just meeting up for a chat, DVD etc. There was signs that she was getting into 'us' like drunk calling etc, asking to meet up a few times. I thought she was getting really into it. At first I was a bit apprehensive as I was just out of a somewhat short but intense relationship that ended badly. I was pretty up front with her with this, cos I believe honesty is key in any relationship -be it friendship or relationship. We opened up a bit about previous relationships which to me suggested we were comfortable with each other.

I believed that she was 'getting into it' a lot more than I was, the signs were there IMO. She went out of her way to do stuff for me, things she didn't need to do but I really did appreciate. The look in her eyes sometimes suggested she wanted more. I never said no to the idea, and we never really talked about it. But privately I was kinda stand off-ish about the whole idea and was happy to roll with it and wee what happened. To me it seemed we were both happy with how it was going.

Then one weekend I finally decide that I want to be with her serious, but didn't say anything, as before I had the chance she said she wanted to call everything off before any of us got proper emotionally involved in it. Once she said that, then I really wanted to be with her!! But she said the usual, still wanting to be friends etc. She said she didn't want a relationship, just the frame of mind she was in at this time. I could understand that as she had a very long one a while back. We talked a good bit about the situation and said we wouldn't leave on bad terms etc, so that we could still be friendly and all that. I wasn't sure if that was a hint to me to try make a proper move for her or no or commit some bit. I think it might not have been but have heard that it could have been

We haven't really talked much since, but I am just wondering whether it is better to try still be friends and text and that, see how it goes or to just cut all ties, or to wait a few weeks and try see how she feels then. Cos I do like this girl and would like to keep seeing her as what we had, although unofficial, was very enjoyable. If she wanted to get serious, I would and likewise I would keep casual if she wanted.

Mr. Incognito

At what point did you say, no sorry. I like you id like to be exclusive?

Ring her. Tell her you like her and ask if shed be interested in going out properly.

Dughorm

You said she told you she doesn't want a relationship right now- what's more to say?

Since you haven't talked much since, now might be the time to give her a call and go for a coffee.

If it's awkward there's your answer, if not, see where it goes - friendship or more.

Calypso Realm

I'm wondering if she 'called it off' because she sensed you were less into her than she was in the hope you'd step up, which you didn't to all intents and purposes do! I understand why in the circumstances, though. It's certainly possible. Did you specifically mention your reluctance to get more seriously involved to her at the time you discussed former relationships?

Either that or she genuinely wants to move on.