Co-worker interested in me or just being friendly

LegacyUser

Hi all. I'm a 25 year old guy and I work in an office. My story starts 6 months ago when the whole department I work in went out for drinks one Friday evening. Lots of alcohol was had and I ended up sleeping with one of the girls. We didn't have a close relationship up to that point because we don't work in the same team, but we'd just have a friendly chat now and then.

A couple of days after that messy night she messaged me saying that she drank too much, which I totally understand. I was guilty of that as well. She then went on to say that she was working things out with her boyfriend and not to mention what happened to anyone. I didn't even realise she was dating anyone and I felt very guilty. I left it at that and said nothing further.

A few months went by and we just exchanged pleasantries in the office, of course no mention of what happened. But recently she has started to message me and being very friendly. I would never have messaged her before only for one time after that faithful night, so I thought this was a bit unusual.

Two weeks ago I was browsing tinder and to my surprise she popped up on my screen. I froze and ended up not swiping either direction and it has been like that ever since!

She is a lovely girl, with a bubbly personality. If I am honest I found her to be very attractive from the moment I saw her, but I had never considered dating her before now, but maybe that's largely due to me being a bit socially inept! I seem to only be able to meet girls on dating apps!

But I'm really unsure about a few things in this situation:
1. Is she single or is there some innocent reason for her being on a dating app
2. Is she interested in me or am I misreading her signals
3. If she is interested, is it something I should pursue

I was tempted to swipe right on Tinder just to know if she matched with me and get chatting, even if we decide not to go on any dates. I figure that since we've already slept together it wouldn't be that awkward! Twisted reasoning maybe...

What do you think is the best way to approach this?

LegacyUser

Guys opinion here.

I have been in this exact situation. One word headwreck.

I'm not gonna write an essay but you need to start ignoring her. It will drive her crazy and then you will find out if she is serious or not. For me she wasn't serious and I wasted a year finding out.

cath1980

Hi if she had a boyfriend but cheated on him with you then it may not be surprising that she is on tinder! She could now be single too which might explain her sudden interest in you again. Honestly she sounds bit sneaky as after sleeping with you she then told you to stay quiet about it as she was "working" things out with her boyfriend!!! Mmm strange way to work things out. Entirely your call and I'm sure she is bubbly and lovely and fun. Suppose if you are just looking for bit of fun nothing serious then you could find out if she's single and see what happens . I'd just be wondering why you'd be interested in a woman who slept with you then coyly requested you kept it secret who also had a boyfriend that she cheated on???!!!!

Jan Laco

My advice would be to stay well away and forget about her. She has already shown a tendency to cheat on a boyfriend, how will you feel if it happens to you?
Plus it will make work slightly more awkward, should you split up down the road. You probably deserve better.

silverbolt

rinkydink9 wrote: »

But I'm really unsure about a few things in this situation:
1. Is she single or is there some innocent reason for her being on a dating app
2. Is she interested in me or am I misreading her signals
3. If she is interested, is it something I should pursue

I was tempted to swipe right on Tinder just to know if she matched with me and get chatting, even if we decide not to go on any dates. I figure that since we've already slept together it wouldn't be that awkward! Twisted reasoning maybe...

What do you think is the best way to approach this?

1. Ask.
2. Ask.
3. If you like her - then yes.

Message her, not on Tinder but on fb messenger or something like that. O better yet strike up a conversation in the office with her.

She sounds like she is single now. So go for it

But bear in mind how you two started out, you know she cheated on her fella with you. A year down the line that could be you.

silverharp

The high road is to ignore based on how she behaved with her last boyfriend, she doesnt seem like a good long term prospect, also do you want to risk a potentially messy relationship where you work?

retro:electro

"I'm working things out with my boyfriend now so please don't mention what happened to anyone" is code for "I cheated on my boyfriend with you and I don't want anyone to find out".
Do you really want to start a potential relationship with someone who so heedlessly cheated on her boyfriend?

LegacyUser

The girl is obviously attracted to you. She cheated on her bf with you, I doubt she feels very good about that and knows it was a drunken mistake. It's fairly definite she is single now going by the fact she's on Tiinder and showing more interest in you again. Girls don't go on dating apps as popular as that if they're not single, they are not stupid and know they will be seen by someone who might know she's in a relationship. Don't mind all the judging of the girls behaviour, what she did was wrong but I'm sure she felt very guilty and usually the relationship will end after a woman does this as she knows it's not right and can't carry on lying and she may have feelings for you.
If you like her then start talking to her. Then ask her for coffee or lunch.

Fitz*

1. She cheated - it will happen again so be wary of relationships with people do that. Speaking from experience there.
2. Don't s**t where you eat!

All the best if you try & go for it. But I wouldn't do it, for those 2 reasons.

magneticimpulse

Sounds like headwreck. She didnt think twice about cheating on her bf - how many times had she done it before if she made it so easy with you? You got no indocation of guilt or that she wasnt single at the time - you would never be able to trust her.

Also working together in itself is a reason not to! Extremely awkward when it doesnt work out

Mr. Incognito

My first reaction is she was happy to sleep with you and gave you the aul working it out with the ex to give you the flick.

There may be no ex. She may just not be that into you.

Either way id stay clear.

LegacyUser

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

My first reaction is she was happy to sleep with you and gave you the aul working it out with the ex to give you the flick.

There may be no ex. She may just not be that into you.

Either way id stay clear.

I never thought about it like that, but you might be right.

If I'm honest, the morning after she slept with me she mentioned she had just broken up with her boyfriend, and a few days later she said that she was working things out.

It could be just her get out clause if she isn't after something serious. There may be no boyfriend at all!

I could easily ask her if she is seeing someone but I think that it would be obvious what my intentions are. She isn't very close with anyone in work, so I don't think they'd know either.

I guess I may never know.

fergiesfolly

How about ask her where she is, relationship wise.
You're getting advise from people you don't know, about a girl they don't know, making presumptions and assumptions that are based on one drink fuelled night.
She may have been at the rocky end of a relationship and made a one off drunken mistake that she regrets. She may not be the one for you. She may be the love of your life. But asking strangers on a screen to work it out for you is pointless. Because honestly, none of us know for sure.
You're 25, not 45. There's plenty of time to stress about who you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Take a chance. What's the worst that could happen? You spend a few weeks wasting your time on the wrong girl. It likely won't be the last time.
Here's my advice when it comes to these matters...
Take a chance.
Talk to HER.


And good luck.

Lavinia

silverbolt wrote: »

1. Ask.
2. Ask.
3. If you like her - then yes.

Message her, not on Tinder but on fb messenger or something like that. O better yet strike up a conversation in the office with her.

This.
Just ask her what is going on, face to face, in a friendly way, perhaps a lunch break or something (tea coffee whatever).

FitzShane wrote: »

1. She cheated - it will happen again so be wary of relationships with people do that.

Well, does not have to be the rule. Who knows what happened.
Conversation about it is prob the best - if you ask me.

Mindset

rinkydink9 wrote: »

Hi all. I'm a 25 year old guy and I work in an office. My story starts 6 months ago when the whole department I work in went out for drinks one Friday evening. Lots of alcohol was had and I ended up sleeping with one of the girls. We didn't have a close relationship up to that point because we don't work in the same team, but we'd just have a friendly chat now and then.

A couple of days after that messy night she messaged me saying that she drank too much, which I totally understand. I was guilty of that as well. She then went on to say that she was working things out with her boyfriend and not to mention what happened to anyone. I didn't even realise she was dating anyone and I felt very guilty. I left it at that and said nothing further.

A few months went by and we just exchanged pleasantries in the office, of course no mention of what happened. But recently she has started to message me and being very friendly. I would never have messaged her before only for one time after that faithful night, so I thought this was a bit unusual.

Two weeks ago I was browsing tinder and to my surprise she popped up on my screen. I froze and ended up not swiping either direction and it has been like that ever since!

She is a lovely girl, with a bubbly personality. If I am honest I found her to be very attractive from the moment I saw her, but I had never considered dating her before now, but maybe that's largely due to me being a bit socially inept! I seem to only be able to meet girls on dating apps!

But I'm really unsure about a few things in this situation:
1. Is she single or is there some innocent reason for her being on a dating app
2. Is she interested in me or am I misreading her signals
3. If she is interested, is it something I should pursue

I was tempted to swipe right on Tinder just to know if she matched with me and get chatting, even if we decide not to go on any dates. I figure that since we've already slept together it wouldn't be that awkward! Twisted reasoning maybe...

What do you think is the best way to approach this?

Sounds like you like her alot. Youve been able to work alongside eachother after your drunken encounter without dying of embaressment.
Just ask her if she would like to grab a drink after work, very casually as if its just a drink. Do not get drunk and sleep with her again though. Have a few, get to know her a bit more then if it goes well go for it.
Its never a good idea to start something with someone at work. It can end badly and even jeoperdize your careers. So tread carefully.
Good luck

Taltos

Mod note
As it's been nearly a month since the OP posted we're closing this.