Lonely, Sad and completely lost in everything

LegacyUser

I don't know what to even say. I feel like all my life I'm just continually moving from one thing to be sad about to another. I'm 21 and in college but right now I'm on an erasmus like program abroad for the semester. I can't deal with stuff anymore. I'm so lonely over there. In Ireland I've always been quite and find it really difficult to get to know people in general and being abroad its even worse. I'm so lonely I just spend every day in my room feeling awful and wishing away each day.

When I was younger dad was an alcoholic and suffers from schizophrenia which was only diagnosed once I had already moved out of home for college. He's done terrible things that I can't even talk about because I'll be typing this all night if I do.

I am so upset. I'm back in Ireland at the moment visiting friends from college because I have a week off my placement and to be honest its just made me more sad because it's made me remember how bad I am at socialising. I am miserable abroad and miserable at home living with my family because of the way dad is.

My life isn't progressing at all. I've no girlfriend, very few friends and I just cant bear things the way they are. I'm doing an awful job explaining this.

I just want to rewind time to first year in college and pause it. I can't deal with things moving on anymore. I'm dreading going back abroad to my placement but I can't go home to my house in Ireland either cos of dad and I know when my placement is over I will be back there. I'm staying in my old student accommodation with my friends but I feel like I'm just in there way and because I can't socialise properly with anyone even the people I really like I'm just on the laptop all the time and I look so rude. I'm so worried about it I've spent money on a hotel tomorrow night just to get out of their hair.

I'm sorry if the problem isn't clear from this but I just feel so lost in my life right now. Like I could disappear and nobody would really notice. I don't know how to fix things cos its been bad for years and I just feel like I'm beyond fixing. I feel like I'm going to prison or something going back to my placement when in reality I'm going to a lovely place with great weather. I feel so lost in everything and can't find a solution.

Ryan Mac Sweeney

Hi there
I have just read your post. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. You need counselling so my advice to you would be to go and see your GP and ask for a referral to a psycharist who you can then sit down with and talk things through with him or her and he or she will help you to get your life back on track. With regards to the Erasmus programme i think its a great plan as it gives you an opportunity to sample life in another country and you make friends with the locals and get to go siteseeing and get to sample its food culture etc. Dont be wishing everyday away remember life is short you nenver know how long you have so just take everyday as it comes. Remember if youre really low you can also contact Pieta House Aware or the Samartains anytime.
Best of Luck with Everything

fits

OP I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. College can be rough even without these additional pressures you have.

As for the socialising the best way to learn is by practicing and trust me you are not the only one who feels awkward about it. If you are interested in anything try to join a group of similarly minded people and use your interest as the common ground

Take care

zoobizoo

AT 21 I'd have felt the same.

At 24 I headed travelling on my own and was scared ****less until I learned, through trial and error, how to talk to people who I didn't know.

You have a wonderful opportunity to try out your social skills as I had to.

It's a testing time for you

What country are you in? Are you in a city or countryside?

First things first, smile... everything is going to be alright - take your head out of the laptop and head for a coffee somewhere... bring a book with you and don't take your phone.

Make sure the book is a travel guide or "learn the language" book.

Sit at a place with a counter or outdoors facing out... Do not sit at a table in the corner.

Smile at the waiter, person behind the bar and say "hola", "bonjour" or whatever...

There's your first step

If they're not so friendly, move to another bar/coffee shop... repeat step one.

Try and reframe your experience as a learning opportunity, in the same way that you would tackle a college assignment...

Let us know how it goes...

(Also, it's sunny where you are... get on a bike and go exploring even if it's on your own.. the exercise will do you good)