Asking partner to move

LegacyUser

I love my partner, his happiness is everything to me.

We are living together happily, but I have an opportunity to move to my home city for a new job. The reason I'm contemplating the move is that I believe it would be great to have my family close by (we hope to start having kids soon) and we could most likely afford a better standard of living there.

He supports me totally and says he would happily move.

The problem is, I feel guilty about asking him to move, is it wrong to ask him to leave his life here?

Thoughts appreciated.

LegacyUser

If your at the stage were your looking at having kids then you need to start thinking as we and not you and I. Sit down and make a pros and cons list and make a the choice that works best for what you want/need as a couple.

Mr. Incognito

Asking is no problem

Demanding is.

Just float the idea with him and see what he says

Jan Laco

You say that he would happily move. Did you ask him specifically already or was it general 'what if' talk?

I don't think you should feel guilty at all. I would say it's a chance in any relationship that one wants to instigate a move elsewhere.

And he has said he would be happy to move.

Carlos Orange

No.

baby and crumble

The whole point of being a partner in a relationship is that there's ebb and flow. You have this opportunity now, he may have something similar in the future. Swings and roundabouts. He'll soon tell you if he doesn't want to move, but if he says he's fine with it you just have to trust him.

CaraMay

Why would you feel guilty if he wants to do it?

LegacyUser

While he says he would happily move, and I believe we would be happy there, I guess I'm concerned that he would be even happier if we just stayed where we are. He would never move there if I didn't want to, but he is a very supportive person and I believe that is why he is saying he would be happy to move.

His family are here as are all his friends. While I think I would likely be happier if I moved home, I believe I would be pretty happy if we stayed where we are too.

I guess my guilt comes down to a worry that I'm prioritising my happiness over his. That doesn't seem like something a partner should do! :-/

I appreciate the point that I should be thinking about "we" not him or me anymore, but I guess I'm conscious that he could be prioritising my happiness over his own... It's also a good point that I just need to trust him, but he is such a caring guy that I don't want to take advantage of his good nature.

acon2119

OP here ... ... ... wrote: »

While he says he would happily move, and I believe we would be happy there, I guess I'm concerned that he would be even happier if we just stayed where we are. He would never move there if I didn't want to, but he is a very supportive person and I believe that is why he is saying he would be happy to move.

His family are here as are all his friends. While I think I would likely be happier if I moved home, I believe I would be pretty happy if we stayed where we are too.

I guess my guilt comes down to a worry that I'm prioritising my happiness over his. That doesn't seem like something a partner should do! :-/

I appreciate the point that I should be thinking about "we" not him or me anymore, but I guess I'm conscious that he could be prioritising my happiness over his own... It's also a good point that I just need to trust him, but he is such a caring guy that I don't want to take advantage of his good nature.

It sounds like your part of a great couple who is considerate of each others feelings, wants and needs, and have a relationship where there is mutual respect. Talk it through with him fully.

LegacyUser

Thank you acon2119, that's really nice to hear. I guess I know I'm lucky and don't want to mess with that!

I really appreciate all the comments. Thanks all.