Should I hang in there?

LegacyUser

Hi guys and gals,
Am looking for your advice on the following.

Just a bit of background to me. I haven't been in a relationship for a few years. This was a combination of working on myself (was constantly meeting douche bags and placing trust in wrong people) and finding it hard to trust people. I suppose you could deduce from that, trust is very important to me. I like to build it up, but once its gone, now its gone (before I'd start to try fixing things).

Anyways, I met a guy a few months ago. Nearly 2 at this stage. Due to distance, and other things, we've only managed to meet every 3/4 weeks. I'm really not sure what's going on here. Or if this is normal. If I should pull the plug, or stay patient. Hes still very much in the "getting to know you" phase. And so am I. But its very hard to get to know someone when you only meet every few weeks.

I brought up recently that I don't believe I can sustain a "getting to know each other" for much longer. And felt at the time maybe he heard me and it might change. But here I am, 3 weeks later again.

He is very good to me. I like him a lot. We talk every day. And enjoy each other's company. But at this stage, I'm thinking "its all for what?". Am getting impatient I guess.

Hes very non-confrontational, so anytime I try and bring this up, its seen as an argument. So Im unsure as to how to proceed further. There is no commitment there, which is fair enough-we are still getting to know each other. But I would like to see myself in a relationship and give myself a chance. I feel like I cant invest emotionally any further or trust any further until this is sorted (and I would like to).

Should I be hanging in there? Or how do I approach this?

Keane2baMused

Be honest with him and have the 'chat'. You find it hard to maintain this 'relationship' as you feel a bit at arms length. Only seeing him every 3 weeks or so seems very strange and I would be questioning his reasons.

Even for someone who does like their space and wants to take things slow that seems excessive when you're trying to get to know someone.

I think you will know by his response and subsequent actions (or lack of) whether this is worth pursuing.

magneticimpulse

From my experience i was in the same situation of getting to know a guy and only seeing each other once in 3 weeks because of excuses to work etc. Fast forward now and he is seeing a girl in a proper relationship with no problem or excuses in meeting up. Suddenly he has become available for a relationship and meeting her and taking her on many dates.

It sounds like he could be stringing you along until something better comes along. Unless he is living in dubai or far off place..im which case its awkward to begin with to get to know someone
.then there is no excuse at the beginning. This should be a time when you want to see each other at least twice a week.

Ursus Horribilis

What distance are we talking about here?

screamer

2 months and still getting to know someone is nothing strange in my book. You can spend years getting to know someone. TBH id run id someone thought a relationship should be all find blazing after 2 months waay too intense.

charlietheminxx

If you've only been seeing him for a couple of months and only see him every couple of weeks, then you've only been out maybe 3 times? And you're already having arguments?? Not a good sign I'm afraid.

If he's constantly too busy to see you, I wouldn't waste my time hanging around for him. As mentioned above, people make the time for what they really want to do.

I would cut my losses with this one.

Meauldsegosha

hanginginthere wrote: »

Anyways, I met a guy a few months ago. Nearly 2 at this stage. Due to distance, and other things, we've only managed to meet every 3/4 weeks. I'm really not sure what's going on here. Or if this is normal. If I should pull the plug, or stay patient. Hes still very much in the "getting to know you" phase. And so am I. But its very hard to get to know someone when you only meet every few weeks.

I brought up recently that I don't believe I can sustain a "getting to know each other" for much longer. And felt at the time maybe he heard me and it might change. But here I am, 3 weeks later again.

Maybe I'm missing something here but you have only known this man 2 months and have had approx. 3 dates. Of course you should still be in the "getting to know you" stage. It doesn't matter how much you talk each day you only really get to know someone when you spend time in their company. Within 5 weeks of meeting him and you told him you couldn't sustain the "getting to know you" stage anymore. You probably only had 2 dates at that point. You are coming across very intense and strong. Take a step back and enjoy the relationship as it develops at a natural pace.

armaghlad

What's the rush?

magneticimpulse

armaghlad wrote: »

What's the rush?

Theres rush and then there is tumble weeds

KikiDee

hanginginthere wrote: »

I would like to see myself in a relationship and give myself a chance. I feel like I cant invest emotionally any further or trust any further until this is sorted

Hey OP,

I think this part of your post is key. You seem to know what you want so now you need to find out what he wants. As previous posters have said, have 'the chat'. This is not confrontational in the slightest and really shouldn't be seen as such. You're more than entitled to find out where you stand.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

tara73

I understand you. if he would really like you, he would want to meet you much more often than this.

It's a bit absurd to always mention the 'we are still in the get to know phase' but then how should you get to know him if you meet him approx. twice a month?

He's not investing much. As the others suggested, have 'the chat' with him, make clear what you want from this encounter, see how he reacts and take it from there.

mada82

It's a Bit cheeky after all you've done for her.
I'd be looking to find out her true feelings asap

Ursus Horribilis

He's very non-confrontational, so any time I try and bring this up, its seen as an argument. So I'm unsure as to how to proceed further. There is no commitment there, which is fair enough-we are still getting to know each other.

Eh? Seen as an argument? From someone who's supposedly non-confrontational? Could you elaborate on this if you decide to give us an update?

JustAThought

Cut your losses - you've met him twice in two months - he probably thinks youre nice but he's not interested. The first phase of a relationship is getting to know the person & exploring doing & sharing new things & finding out about each other - he clearly isn't even buying into meeting you let alone all this. It should be something you have in your diary every week & look forward to. Your ' new' relationship that meets once a month at most - thats not a relationship nor will it ever be one. He probably dosn't wanta row or to upset you & may be a nice guy who is just giving you the BIG hint & dosn't want it to go anywhere further. Cut your losses, do yourself and him a favour & stop the monthly meetings. A year & 10 meetings down the line & you'll still be nowhere & if he isn't interested at the start its not going to suddenly become what you clearly want - a natural, fun, enjoyable dating relationship. You deserve better - just choose another who wants the same as you & is into you & wants to meet you, talk to you, share ghings with you & go on romantic dates with you! You ARE worth this & its totally normal to want & have it : )
It dosnt sound at all as if this guy is really interested or will ever give that, to you.