Should I contact him again and if so how?

LegacyUser

Just a quick question/scenario. Met this guy out about 6 years ago and we went on a date, got on well but I was going travelling for a few months and nothing ever came of it.
Fast forward to 7 or 8 weeks ago on tinder we matched. He messaged me and recognised me from before. I'll be honest in saying I didn't recognise him at first but when I looked properly at the pictures he became more familiar. We were chatting for a while and he asked me about meeting up. I actually only went on tinder to delete it as I had a bad experience before Christmas and was messed around so I had no interest in meeting up with anyone as I was feeling a bit meh about dating in general.
So I said I wouldn't meet up with him as I felt I wasn't ready for dating again. He took it well and said if I changed my mind to let him know. So now over the past week or two I have been thinking I'd like to meet up with him and am feeling more positive about the whole thing. I logged back into tinder and our conversation and match was deleted as I'm guessing 8 weeks was a bit long to be waiting around which is fair enough. So these are my options.

1) Contact him on Facebook- this has me a bit worried as I'm thinking will he think I'm a weirdo that I remember his second name to have found him on it since it's so long since we originally met and I didn't recognise him for a few minutes until he started messaging me?

2) Re-install tinder, hope he is still on it and we match again.

3) Do nothing and forget about it. He seemed like a really lovely guy when I met him originally and I'm just thinking I'd like to meet up with him to see if there is anything there. I'm just afraid that the fact he deleted the whole conversation means he thought I was lying about not being ready to date someone.
Any advice/words of wisdom would be great, thanks!

magneticimpulse

The fact nothing happened 6 years ago might mean you are not meant to be. Even if you were traveling it still wasnt enought for ye to stay connected on facebook. You also didnt recognise him from tinder...so you couldnt have been that attracted to him.

As for contacting him on facebook...that would be weird but i suppose the worse he could do is not reply.

ellie1

Add him on Facebook, ask him out for a drink see if you still like him if you don't, delete from Facebook and move on.

via4

Go for it��You had a change of mind it happens! No harm in contacting someone through Fb that's what it's for. Connecting people! You have nothing to lose best of luck !

Ursus Horribilis

Seeing as you already know him, I don't think contacting him by Facebook would be all that weird. I'm not sure how Facebook's messaging service works now but I know at one stage, any messages from non friends used to go into a separate inbox that most people never looked into. Sure fire off a friends request and see what happens from there.

Lisacatlover

"So this really cool, pretty, fun girl I got talking to on Tinder a while back added me on Facebook and asked me out. How awful." - said no man anywhere, ever, ever.

magneticimpulse

Lisacatlover wrote: »

"So this really cool, pretty, fun girl I got talking to on Tinder a while back added me on Facebook and asked me out. How awful." - said no man anywhere, ever, ever.

I asked a guy out from tinder on facebook and yes he did take it badly...so yes there are men who dont respond well to it

Lisacatlover

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I asked a guy out from tinder on facebook and yes he did take it badly...so yes there are men who dont respond well to it

Execution, the situation, and the previous impression probably counts for a fair bit.

I don't think the OP would have anything to worry about in that regard, based on her post, could differ for other people of course.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. General consensus here is to go for it. Think I might go the Facebook route. Should I message him a general chit chat or just bite the bullet and see would he like to meet up. I have myself talked into doing it now but not sure what to say. At least one way or another I'll know if he is still interested or not!

CaraMay

Ask him out

LegacyUser

So I took the plunge and messaged him on Facebook, saying I may have changed my mind about meeting up and if he still wanted to, let me know. He replied saying what changed my mind and I just jokingly said I'd surprise him. He said I definitely surprised him anyway and he made conversation for 10 or 11 messages over and back but never mentioned the meeting up. I'd say he only replied to be nice. Glad I message him though, I won't be bringing up meeting up again as he knows I would like to so even if we don't meet up, it didn't turn out in disaster by him ignoring message or whatever! He could be seeing someone you else at the moment for all I know but at least I can't say what if now.

Mr. Incognito

Anyadvice111 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. General consensus here is to go for it. Think I might go the Facebook route. Should I message him a general chit chat or just bite the bullet and see would he like to meet up. I have myself talked into doing it now but not sure what to say. At least one way or another I'll know if he is still interested or not!

Bite the bullet and be direct. Men appreciate it.

kylith

You told him you 'may' have changed your mind? Why would you be so vague? If I were him I'd be thinking that you were being a bit of a heat wrecker. Just ask the man out for a drink!

LegacyUser

I think I made it pretty clear I wanted to meet up again because I said it would be great if he still wanted to meet up and to let me know if he did. He never mentioned the meeting up and just made general conversation. I sent the last message and he saw it but never replied so I don't want to come across as needy by messaging him again when it was me who sent the last message. He was really friendly when I messaged him and when he said he was surprised it seemed to be in a good way. So I guess it's just a waiting game to see if he will get back to me as I don't feel I can message him again when he didn't reply to the last one. Don't know what to think at this stage.

Lavinia

Well yea let some time to pass and try not to focus on him at all, continue your life best you can. if he replies great, if he doesn't, great too.

I think it's good you contacted him and that's fine because if you didn't you'd always wonder what if.

beks101

If I was on tinder and matched with someone I once knew and had good chemistry with at the time - but they at first, didn't recognize me and then after a bit of banter, rejected the idea of meeting up with me - I'd pretty much assign them to the "time-waster" graveyard of online dating and move on.

That's the thing about the likes of tinder and dating apps in general - you become a bit brutal about dismissing people because those places are just rife with messers and liars and people who are happy to lead people on for an ego boost. I'd be thinking, if you're not ready to date, wtf are you doing swiping right on the world's most popular dating app?

So I can understand this lad's reticence when you contacted him on facebook. He might think you're a headwrecker and just looking to play more games. And that's aside from any of the other reasons he might not be interested - he could be seeing someone else, might have had his own bad experiences on tinder, etc.

If I were you I'd just leave it at that. He knows you're interested now so if he wants to give you a chance, he'll be in touch. If not, then you live and learn.

Calypso Realm

Anyadvice111 wrote: »

So I took the plunge and messaged him on Facebook, saying I may have changed my mind about meeting up and if he still wanted to, let me know. He replied saying what changed my mind and I just jokingly said I'd surprise him. He said I definitely surprised him anyway and he made conversation for 10 or 11 messages over and back but never mentioned the meeting up. .[/QUOTE

You see by giving a vague answer, in his position I'd be wondering if I was only an option now/ your original reason was only an excuse. Of course he just might be seeing someone else since then. Anyway ball is in his court now!

LegacyUser

Op here. So he has been in contact since and we have a date arranged for this week. Really looking forward to it. Thanks to all those who replied and told me to go for it as even if nothing comes of this date Im glad I got in contact with him. Sometimes it pays to just go for it. Thanks again.

LegacyUser

Thanks to all who replied to this. I'm definitely glad I just went for it now as we have a date arranged for this week. I don't think I would have messaged him only for people here saying to go for it so thanks for the bit of encouragement. Looking forward to meeting up now.

SarahMollie

Good luck OP, hope it goes well for you - Fortune favours the brave!