Fed Up.

manyoung

I'm turning 21 soon and am becoming disillusioned with life at the moment.

I wouldn't consider myself outgoing, but not necessarily introverted either if that makes sense. I have OCD and anxiety which has affected me in several ways in the last couple of years and due to a sensitive disposition I think I just withdrew socially.

That is not to say I don't have friends. I do. I have made attempts to become more sociable by getting involved with a society at college and am starting to perform comedy at bars. I am not in a group of friends, but am generally friends with people from different groups if that makes sense. Outside college, I have gradually grown apart from any school friends I have had and do not go out at the week ends at all.

This brings me onto relationships. I have recently gone on Tinder looking for a date. My problem arises with having absolutely no group photos to put on it, which I guess would indicate I'm unsociable. I feel like a loser. I feel like the world is only looking for extroverts. I have made such a mess of my Facebook as well that (compared to others) have only a couple of photos and none with any girls or anything. I'am skinny, I can't gain muscle at the moment, I dislike my voice and hair and am not seeing the point in putting lots of effort into this social game. There is a code. If you don't have x number of friends, or x number of photos you are a loser. I am talking to a girl at the moment on tinder and the conversation seems to be stale after us sending few messages over the last day or so. I haven't anything to lose, so I may ask for her number anyway..

I can't find a job. Haven't been able for years. Experience needed, extroverted person needed. What's the point in this? I put energy into trying and get nothing out.

<SNIP>

I think I may be taking on too much. I am trying to learn philosophy, songwriting, comedy, tale my OCD, read, do my college work etc. Also, when I was younger I feel I lived in the shadow of my sibling and now I feel I developed this very ambitious trait where I want to be extremely successful and want to be the best in my field. I want to be successful to the point of having a Wikipedia page about me. I have grown to think that if I don't achieve then I won't be happy. But I would trade it for love and a stable sense of self-esteem to be honest.

I have grown skeptical of religion to some extent, I still believe in God however. I have a fear of hell. I will spend time looking up things on right-wing religious sites. Everyone has different opinions. No concrete answers. Some of you may remember me talking about this before. This is part of my OCD.

I feel hopeless and am just lost.

Sorry for the length, I could use some advice or perspective please. Thanks.

JuliusCaesar

Would OCDIreland or SocialAnxietyIreland be any help to you?

tomwaterford

If it's a job/money you want to help pay bills etc...could go in for factory work to tie you over??


There's nothing wrong with having ambition to be the best you can be...but to tie yourself up in knots wanting to be famous for it is only putting too much pressure onto yourself??

Merkin

I'm sorry OP but when a poster is expressing suicidal thoughts then the advice offered here is not suitable. Our posters are generous and well meaning posters who volunteer their time and advice but are not equipped to deal with the very complex and upsetting mental health issues that you currently face. Consequently I am left with no other option but to close the thread.

I would urge you to contact your therapist and the Samaritans as a matter of urgency http://www.samaritans.org/your-community/samaritans-ireland-scotland-and-wales/samaritans-ireland

I hope you feel better soon.