Where to find girly lesbians please??

Patricia2012

Hi, it is so hard to find feminine lesbians ...
I am really not into butch, i am feminine and that is what i like, girls, woman who look like woman !!!

Otherwise id go for a guy.

Anyway... if anyone could help me with that...

thanks

wehuntmonsters

I know we all have our preferences but you won't get far with that attitude.

Just out of curiosity, what do YOU define as butch? Not being smart, just curious. Is it girls having short hair or dressing like men?

Patricia2012

im sorry if you think that, but i guess we all have our preferences huh??

that is their problem / life / taste / preferences... if they like to be a butch, that is mine not to want to date a woman who looks / acts/ ....... like a man.

I do like and admire woman, if i was to be with a guy id choose the real one.

Im fine with them, just dont feel any attraction.

I do admire woman's beauty and charm.

it is very easy to differentiate one from another, you dont need to ask me that!!!

baby and crumble

I don't think anyone has an issue with preferences, at all. Everyone has a "type". But it's really quite offensive to equate butch women as being "knock-off" men, which really is what you're saying when you say "If I was to be with a guy I'd choose the real one".

As a woman who identifies butch, I can assure you I am a woman. Very happily. I'm just one who doesn't identify as a particularly feminine one in the obvious ways.

But to answer your original question, you may just need to look harder. Most lesbians I know do not actually identify as butch like me, but as a hard femme.

Patricia2012

Honestly i dont think this way.

First of all i am sorry if you felt offended, it was not my intention, mainly because i dont know you, i didnt post it to you orto any butch or however you identify them.

I am wondering where are those feminine lesbians that we see them on films or married! ;( Because that is the type i like and look for.

I also dont find it offensive when i compare them to man. You know that sometimes i look at them and honestly can not even identify if they are woman or man!??!?!

I, again, do respect their choice in trying to look like man, act and react, but even tho is the most common type of gay woman around, it is not what gives me "butterfly in my tummy" when i face them.

Please, dont take it personal.

(btw - if you know any feminine single looking for another... .... please, let me know!! )

One eyed Jack

Patricia2012 wrote: »

Honestly i dont think this way.

First of all i am sorry if you felt offended, it was not my intention, mainly because i dont know you, i didnt post it to you orto any butch or however you identify them.

I am wondering where are those feminine lesbians that we see them on films or married! ;( Because that is the type i like and look for.

I also dont find it offensive when i compare them to man. You know that sometimes i look at them and honestly can not even identify if they are woman or man!??!?!

I, again, do respect their choice in trying to look like man, act and react, but even tho is the most common type of gay woman around, it is not what gives me "butterfly in my tummy" when i face them.

Please, dont take it personal.

(btw - if you know any feminine single looking for another... .... please, let me know!! )

Curiously, I have to ask - how do you make that out?

Butch is an obvious stereotype alright, but femme lesbian women are just as common. Just not as easy to assume a feminine woman is lesbian is all.

There are plenty of feminine lesbian women around, just you don't think they would be so much is all, but then you're a femme lesbian woman, so why couldn't they be?

You'll just have to put yourself out there more and take a chance when you see a girl you like

Patricia2012

aaawwww, thank you....

i just dont see that "plenty of feminine lesbian women around".

it is so hard to fall in love with a feminine one and than figure out she isnt gay.
it just happened to me.

you know, that is why its much better to be sure they are really gay.

do you have any tip for me??

baby and crumble

Patricia2012 wrote: »

I am wondering where are those feminine lesbians that we see them on films or married! ;( Because that is the type i like and look for.

Well if you're looking for what you see in films you'll be disappointed!

Patricia2012 wrote: »

I also dont find it offensive when i compare them to man. You know that sometimes i look at them and honestly can not even identify if they are woman or man!??!?!

You don't get to decide if what you're saying is offensive.

Patricia2012 wrote: »

I, again, do respect their choice in trying to look like man, act and react, but even tho is the most common type of gay woman around, it is not what gives me "butterfly in my tummy" when i face them.

I have absolutely zero problem with anyone not being attracted to anyone. Obviously we all have preferences and types and things we find attractive. But please be aware that for many butch women it's not really a choice. I would feel wrong dressing any other way than I do- but I am a woman, I love being a woman and I am not trying to be a man. I don't try and act like a man, or look like a man. I just look and act like the person I feel I am.

Patricia2012 wrote: »

(btw - if you know any feminine single looking for another... .... please, let me know!! )

Quite honestly I know piles of them and they are far far more common than butch women in Ireland- genuinely. You are just falling into the trap that lots of people do and assume that the feminine women you see outside of LGBT space are straight. I met my very femme fiancée whilst volunteering for a charity. I met some of my lesbian friends who are more feminine than me at roller derby, at friends parties, in college, in work, on random nights out, in libraries... You just have to try.

I know I may be coming off as a bit harsh here, but surely you can understand me wanting to correct some assumptions you have that are actually just wrong.

Patricia2012

oh, no worries at all, you have the right to explain your point and thoughts as well.

I just had in my mind the idea that most of butches wanted to be that way.

But again, i am not accusing of anything, just exposing my own way to feel and desires.

We all in some way suffer from stereotype.

Maybe it was easy for you to find some femme because as you mention, you look like a woman looking for a woman ( right ? ).

Nobody say im gay, and by the way, im too old to "look around" .

Jentle Grenade

Go out, live, broaden your horizons...best way to find people with whom you might form a connection. Restricting yourself is the worst thing you can do tbh.

As an aside it always makes me chuckle that a lot of young women in this country seem to think that the most prevalent type of gay woman are those who identify as butch. That couldn't be further from the truth in my experience. I work in a profession where there are surprising amount of gay women (no one told me it'd be like this, happy surprise )and the absolute majority of them are "femme" women. What people classify as butch too can vary wildly, too. Depending on what day of the week you catch me I could be in a dress or in a tailored suit, not sure if a label exists for a person like me and its not something I'd be interested in anyway.

One eyed Jack

Jentle Grenade wrote: »

Go out, live, broaden your horizons...best way to find people with whom you might form a connection. Restricting yourself is the worst thing you can do tbh.

As an aside it always makes me chuckle that a lot of young women in this country seem to think that the most prevalent type of gay woman are those who identify as butch. That couldn't be further from the truth in my experience. I work in a profession where there are surprising amount of gay women (no one told me it'd be like this, happy surprise )and the absolute majority of them are "femme" women. What people classify as butch too can vary wildly, too. Depending on what day of the week you catch me I could be in a dress or in a tailored suit, not sure if a label exists for a person like me and its not something I'd be interested in anyway.

But that would also be your experience of only the young women you've met, and based on that you've painted a stereotype of young women in this country that they think most lesbian women are butch. My experience would be the complete opposite of that - young women are far more aware of young femme lesbian women.

What made me chuckle is the amount of posters that didn't account for the fact that the OP's first language may not be english, and that she may be from a completely different background to some posters here

Dial Hard

One eyed Jack wrote:

What made me chuckle is the amount of posters that didn't account for the fact that the OP's first language may not be english, and that she may be from a completely different background to some posters here

"The amount of posters"??? There's been three posters other than you and the OP on the entire thread.

And it's extremely obvious that English isn't the OP's first language. I'm not sure how that's relevant to the topic at hand?

Jentle Grenade

One eyed Jack wrote: »

But that would also be your experience of only the young women you've met, and based on that you've painted a stereotype of young women in this country that they think most lesbian women are butch. My experience would be the complete opposite of that - young women are far more aware of young femme lesbian women.

What made me chuckle is the amount of posters that didn't account for the fact that the OP's first language may not be english, and that she may be from a completely different background to some posters here

What does it matter where the OP is from? Or her background? It certainly does not matter to me. The OP asked for advice and I offered the best advice I could give...just go out and live. The comment I made about the impressions of young women was clearly stated as an aside.

One eyed Jack

Dial Hard wrote: »

"The amount of posters"??? There's been three posters other than you and the OP on the entire thread.

And it's extremely obvious that English isn't the OP's first language. I'm not sure how that's relevant to the topic at hand?

It's entirely relevant before posters go taking offence where none was intended.

Dial Hard

One eyed Jack wrote:

It's entirely relevant before posters go taking offence where none was intended.

How?

uck51js9zml2yt

Dial Hard wrote: »

How?

Because there are nuances within a persons first language and a knowledge off grammar,syntax and vocabulary that a non native speaker doesn't have.

Dial Hard

Adley Round Bridge wrote:

Because there are nuances within a persons first language and a knowledge off grammar,syntax and vocabulary that a non native speaker doesn't have.

Yeah, I'm well aware of that. I still fail to see what bearing it has on the topic at hand.

Unless, of course, One Eyed Jack is inferring that the OP's *cultural* background may have contributed to her view of butch lesbians.

But that's not a linguistics issue at all, so again, I fail to see the relevance. Non-native English speaker does not equal significant cultural difference.

One eyed Jack

Dial Hard wrote: »

How?

I don't speak Indian, would you care to elaborate or is that meant to be a question related to something?

Dial Hard

One eyed Jack wrote:

I don't speak Indian, would you care to elaborate or is that meant to be a question related to something?

Yes, it's a question about how the OP not being a native English speaker is "entirely relevant" to her views of butch lesbians.

One eyed Jack

Dial Hard wrote: »

Yeah, I'm well aware of that. I still fail to see what bearing it has on the topic at hand.

Unless, of course, One Eyed Jack is inferring that the OP's *cultural* background may have contributed to her view of butch lesbians.

But that's not a linguistics issue at all, so again, I fail to see the relevance. Non-native English speaker does not equal significant cultural difference.

Well that's quite a leap you're making about my intent now. What I was referring to was the first reply on the thread telling the OP they had a bad attitude. I didn't see any bad attitude, but they got plenty of thanks for it all the same.

One eyed Jack

Dial Hard wrote: »

Yes, it's a question about how the OP not being a native English speaker is "entirely relevant" to her views of butch lesbians.

Now you're just putting words in my mouth.

Dial Hard

One eyed Jack wrote:

Now you're just putting words in my mouth.

I'm genuinely not, OEJ. I said that I failed to see how the OP being a non-native English speaker was relevant to the topic at hand and you replied saying it was "Entirely relevant". I asked how.

How is that putting words in your mouth? I'm honestly not baiting anyone here, I asked a question in direct response to your reply to me.

baby and crumble

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Well that's quite a leap you're making about my intent now. What I was referring to was the first reply on the thread telling the OP they had a bad attitude. I didn't see any bad attitude, but they got plenty of thanks for it all the same.

It's not that there's a "bad attitude" but obviously an number of posters (myself included) agree that saying that a butch lesbians wants to be a man at be offensive, or that it may be offensive to say that if someone wanted to be with a man they'd just pick a real one. That is actually really quite offensive to a lot of people. I don't see anything wrong with expressing that opinion- nobody was rude at any point, at least not that I saw.

Annasopra

Back on topic everyone
Side discussions about the OPs native language are completely off topic

One eyed Jack

EDIT: Apologies Joey, just saw the Mod warning there.

wehuntmonsters

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Well that's quite a leap you're making about my intent now. What I was referring to was the first reply on the thread telling the OP they had a bad attitude. I didn't see any bad attitude, but they got plenty of thanks for it all the same.

If you look over my reply you'll see that I never told the OP that they had a bad attitude. I said they wouldn't get far with the attitude they had towards butch women. I am in no way butch myself, femme actually, but I still managed to find what the OP said as very offensive. A lot of the posters here are just giving advice and of course, we've told the OP that it's okay to have a preference. What some of us are trying to say is that there's no need to bring down a certain group of lesbians just because you don't find them attractive.

smash

The OP reads like a cliche. Some of my best friends were gay girls and I regularly went out clubbing with them where there were always groups of girly lipstick lesbians. Finding a girly lesbian is hardly like a diamond in the rough.

DonalK1981

Just follow me around a day or two, as all the nice looking women I ask out tell me they're gay!










This is a joke, take it with a pinch of salt.

spurious

OP must be looking in very limited places. She should be aware though, that some of the butchest women I know present as 'feminine' (whatever that is).
Don't judge a book by its cover.

Patricia2012

Thanks for all replies. I didnt know it was important to mention some details, here i go:
Im Patricia, 53yo, from Brazil. Yeah, my first language is not english as someone stated being obvious.
I hope the number of grammar, syntax and vocabulary mistakes i made ( and im sorry about that !) didnt mislead my ideas and point of view.

I also apologize if im not posting properly, but im confused how to use this site in terms of where to post/answer posts.

I dont believe my cultural background contributed to my view of butch lesbians, this is a matter of preference only!!!

I cant understand why stating what is so obvious can be taken as undervaluing a person. So now a black person cant be called black? Can a white one be!!??? If i call someone fat??? So, the woman who decided to be butch can not be identified as such???
Please, it doesn't make sense to me and that is why im mentioning my preferences here.
And to clarify all dating websites i fill out a profile i must specify what i look like and also what im looking for.


Back to the main idea.

It is not easy for me to figure when a femme woman is lesbian or not. Most of them sometimes didnt even came out yet. Harder ..
So, if there was any place where they could be easily found ( good for them also ) id like to know.
Yet my age i guess is another obstacle. I presume we should all be set up at this point.
Ive been to the George's which is one of the best place i found, however, most guys than girls.
Paint bar the same. Front Lounge... omg... wont even mention what is in my mind... hahah

Ok people, no more fights all right??

Thanks for all efforts i do much appreciate and if you couldnt get my idea hence my mistakes just ask me again, ill try to find another way to explain.

Annasopra

Here you go OP

Running Amach
http://www.meetup.com/Dublin-LGBTQ-Womens-Social-Networking-Club/

Girls night in
http://girls-night-in-outhouse.tumblr.com/

Other groups in outhouse - gold (older persons group), bookclub,
www.outhouse.ie

Patricia2012

No more suggestions???

Herewearenow

To be fair you've got a few suggestions there OP.....it's not like there's one particular place where all the "femme" girls congregate 😂 ....you probably just have to put yourself out there more and see what happens! Good luck! 👍🏻😊

jack923

Patricia2012 wrote: »

No more suggestions???

Go to England, that's where all homosexuals tend to congregate

baby and crumble

jack923 wrote: »

Go to England, that's where all homosexuals tend to congregate

??

Annasopra

Can we stick to giving the OP helpful advice

ongarboy

Hi OP, if you live near Dublin, I would suggest you calling into the Front Lounge in Parliament Street on Friday and especially Saturday nights for a drink. The front (lower) half of the bar does particularly seem to see women congregate on those nights. I can't guarantee they are all lesbian but many are, including some of my very femme and very gorgeous lady friends.:)

Patricia2012

Thank you all... i do agree with most of you.
Yeah, London seem to be better than here...
and also, lol, sure, there is no place where ONLY femme congregates.
Mabybe they are all around and closer than i imagine.
But its not easy approaching a woman if you dont know whether she likes a girl or not. I cant be so direct asking...

Thank you all

Annasopra

Hi OP the groups I suggested would be a good start.