Help. A bit of a life crisis.

pavilion29

Hey there,

Compared to so many people i'm very lucky and i'm grateful for that. Therefore I will say that this is a bit of a life crisis so here goes.
I am a 34 year old male and have 3 degrees. Business, Film production, and Primary Teaching.
I didn't know what to do at college so i picked a broad subject in Commerce. When I graduated i still didn't know what interested me so i took a job in a retail bank as there were loads of job available there and I wanted money. I got very bored of that job very fast. During that time I took acting classes which i really enjoyed.

I left the bank after 2 years and went travelling for 6 months before doing a Masters in film production in London. i loved it but when i came home (i had to, i was in debt) i couldn't get any work in film and television.
While looking for work i taught english to spanish students and sort of enjoyed it for a while.
Then i decided to become a primary teacher as there was lots of work available, not because I really loved it. Big mistake. I stuck at primary teaching for 3 years but hated every minute of it too.
I decided to go back to business because it was less stressful than teaching and there are lots of jobs there now that the recession is over. See the pattern emerging? I am in hedge funds now and after 7 months am starting to get bored of that as well. To break the monotony i have taken up acting again in an effort to meet women.

Oh yeah, women. I am a disaster with women. All the women i like don't like me and the ones who show any interest in me, I don't like. I am starting to get very worried about my lack of commitment or maintaining interest in anything in life, especially at a time when my friends are settling down both in careers and long term relationships / marriages. And no woman is going to want to invest in me as a partner, if i cannot get my act together career wise. (well the type of woman i am attracted to anyway)

Don't get me wrong, I don't suffer from depression or anything, but i have developed a very negative complex about employment as every job i've had i have hated. I have such a bad attitude, I know but i can't seem to cop myself on. As a result I have very little self esteem. I'm not sure i'm the type of person that can work for somebody else for a long period of time although i don't have any ingenious entrepreneur ideas either.

I really want to mature as a person and be successful and happy, I am just struggling to stick with anything. Someone said the job you wanted as an 8 year old is what you should always aim for? I think that is nonsense to be honest and besides i just wanted to have fun, watch tv and movies, play video games and play as an 8 year old, i never really thought about what I would be. My parents always said i was a dreamer.

Some people say i should be an actor, as apparently i am funny in a miserable cynical sort of way. (not in this article obviously) Thats not a goer either because i'll never get a mortgage that way, and finding a partner will be even more difficult. Besides, i come from a very conservative wealthy family and the social pressures that will be put on me to have a stable well paid job will be huge, as they already are. I just don't want to be 45 single and penniless.

Does anyone have any constructive advice? Feel free to be as brutal in your criticism as you want. Would really appreciate peoples input.

Sound Bite

I might be on the wrong track here but are you fairly intelligent? Have your degrees come relatively easy to you without any need for real effort or hard work?

Have the jobs you've had also been relatively easy/are you working at a level that bores you?

Similarly, your comments regarding women suggest that you don't like what comes easy and prefer a challenge?

Are you bored because there's no challenge in what you do?

You are in your 30s so the family pressures are no longer something that should have and impact on what you do. It's your life, own it and do what works for you rather than what others expect.

If you loved film and television why not try doing back to that? I fully appreciate that the industry has taken a battering in recent years but it to is beginning to recover and opportunities are appearing again.

As I said, could be on the wrong track but the main thing I took from your post is that you like a challenge but haven't found it?

pavilion29

I am of average intelligence, but i guess I always took refuge in college courses as a way to avoid the pressures of picking a career. I scraped by in college too, apart from my film course which i aced, but that was down to me managing to be able to get along well with people in team projects. My masters was a very collaborative degree. And if i'm honest the college wasn't the most reputable and they gave marks out for fun. I am poor under pressure on my own though, especially in a day to day environment of a job and i tend to be slow in doing tasks because i get distracted so easily. The more pressurised the task the worse it is for me. At the moment in funds i am not setting the world on fire by any means, and that is down to my application. I struggle to maintain it at a high level, because I get bored and ultimately negative and start analysing "the big picture" of my job when i really should be just knuckling down on the tasks of the day. There is always a nagging voice in the back of my mind say that i am wasting my time. Every job i have ever had. Thanks for your reply Sound bite. I went to a psychologist about this in the past and he asked me if i have ever given anything 100 per cent, and the answer is probably, still, no. I'm not proud of it but i'm working on it.

Whispered

Forgetting about work and making a living, is there anything you're passionate about?

Lisacatlover

Maybe you should stop worrying so much about how your choices would resonate with other people, and just trust that whatever path you choose in life, as long as it makes you happy, the only kind of people that really matter will be glad that you're happy?

zoobizoo

Sounds like the work isn't challenging enough for you

But, do you have unrealistic expectations about the boring element of jobs - all jobs have boring elements

Is your "easily distracted" disposition down to avoidance of doing tasks - what's the feeling for you? Fear of failure? Couldn't be bothered? "I can't do this?"

Ah, I see that you don't deal well with the pressure. Do you get overwhelmed?
Do you asign feelings to the tasks? People who get on with jobs just do. People who procrastinate tend to attach negative feelings to a task.

How is your organisation and discipline?

J Mysterio

Sounds like you have been leading a more interesting life than most people to be honest. Keep keepin on.

silverharp

Find an industry where contracting is normal and work through agencies?

pavilion29

Whispered wrote: »

Forgetting about work and making a living, is there anything you're passionate about?

I like man united , golf, movies, acting and helping people. Its sort of what drew me into teaching.

pavilion29

zoobizoo wrote: »

Sounds like the work isn't challenging enough for you

But, do you have unrealistic expectations about the boring element of jobs - all jobs have boring elements

Is your "easily distracted" disposition down to avoidance of doing tasks - what's the feeling for you? Fear of failure? Couldn't be bothered? "I can't do this?"

Ah, I see that you don't deal well with the pressure. Do you get overwhelmed?
Do you asign feelings to the tasks? People who get on with jobs just do. People who procrastinate tend to attach negative feelings to a task.

How is your organisation and discipline?

All true here about me, i procrastinate about things i don't like which is a bit childish.
Fear of failure is huge for me especially in the workplace, it makes me timid, and almost a doormat at times. I withdraw when the going gets tough instead of facing it head on. I also have am underlying anger and frustration in me that tends come out passively in the workplace.

Also, i definitely go through a cross between i can't do this , along with, "I couldn't be bothered trying to best it, in case i fail again and look even worse"
I am organised in certain situations revolving around my personal life, just less so at work .

pavilion29

J Mysterio wrote: »

Sounds like you have been leading a more interesting life than most people to be honest. Keep keepin on.

true, still miserable though.

cloudatlas

How about trying to find work in finance within the arts sector? Accountant in a theater or events manager in some arts centre- therefore combining your area of interest and your skill set.

J Mysterio

pavilion29 wrote: »

true, still miserable though.

I think the reality is that very few people get real satisfaction from their job. Or... Few people get their dream job.

Everyone is miserable, at least you have a job.

LegacyUser

Seems to me like you have lots of things that you're interested in, and good at, but none are delivering the double hit of good solid earnings plus fulfilment. Tbh, I'd say you are like 90% of people in that! You have been very lucky in being able to explore a few very different options though, not everyone gets that chance.

On the one hand, some might say that you lack focus. I don't really think that's the case; I think you're searching for the ultimate perfect dream life, where you get paid lots for something that you love. And I say this having found my own niche, so forgive me if I sound preachy, I don't mean to. Mine is IT, which a lot of people might go meh at. But it suits me down to the ground, I love it, and the pay is rather good. The only other job I'd rather have is a frankly totally impractical one, where I'd need to be a trust fund kid, which is defo not happening!

Enough about me: as you've tried (and trained for) rather diverse careers, but don't seem to have found your niche, would you consider splitting the idea of money & fulfilment? i.e. Getting a job that pays you enough to allow you to get your creative fulfilment outside of working hours? By the sound of it, you could be a great volunteer to help adult learning (literacy classes etc). Or you might like to do a course in art by night (I don't mean an arts degree, I mean photography, sculpture, painting). I think DIT do a degree in evening/weekend format.

None of that solves your problem, but maybe if your boredom in work was a means to finding your teaching/creative side, you wouldn't feel in such a dead-end. Not meant as a solution OP, but I do think the idea of 'splitting' money and fulfilment is at least worth considering. I guess a drawback is that the higher paying jobs tend to absorb too much of your personal time; but then it comes down to how much money to you want? Would you be content with a mid-paying job, if you could spending evenings/weekends doing what you love? Of even trying out lots of things that you might love?

StanleyOllie

You need to work on your confidence and decision making. Loads of us are just getting by but its the decision weve made.
Confidence brings so much to you. It attracts people to you... even if you are a cynic. Women love confidence, even if you have no job but are confident in your choice in life. Look at the positives... buck up and tell yourself you are great and get out there and show the world!!!!

Fr D Maugire

pavilion29 wrote: »

Hey there,

Compared to so many people i'm very lucky and i'm grateful for that. Therefore I will say that this is a bit of a life crisis so here goes.
I am a 34 year old male and have 3 degrees. Business, Film production, and Primary Teaching.
I didn't know what to do at college so i picked a broad subject in Commerce. When I graduated i still didn't know what interested me so i took a job in a retail bank as there were loads of job available there and I wanted money. I got very bored of that job very fast. During that time I took acting classes which i really enjoyed.

I left the bank after 2 years and went travelling for 6 months before doing a Masters in film production in London. i loved it but when i came home (i had to, i was in debt) i couldn't get any work in film and television.
While looking for work i taught english to spanish students and sort of enjoyed it for a while.
Then i decided to become a primary teacher as there was lots of work available, not because I really loved it. Big mistake. I stuck at primary teaching for 3 years but hated every minute of it too.
I decided to go back to business because it was less stressful than teaching and there are lots of jobs there now that the recession is over. See the pattern emerging? I am in hedge funds now and after 7 months am starting to get bored of that as well. To break the monotony i have taken up acting again in an effort to meet women.

Oh yeah, women. I am a disaster with women. All the women i like don't like me and the ones who show any interest in me, I don't like. I am starting to get very worried about my lack of commitment or maintaining interest in anything in life, especially at a time when my friends are settling down both in careers and long term relationships / marriages. And no woman is going to want to invest in me as a partner, if i cannot get my act together career wise. (well the type of woman i am attracted to anyway)

Don't get me wrong, I don't suffer from depression or anything, but i have developed a very negative complex about employment as every job i've had i have hated. I have such a bad attitude, I know but i can't seem to cop myself on. As a result I have very little self esteem. I'm not sure i'm the type of person that can work for somebody else for a long period of time although i don't have any ingenious entrepreneur ideas either.

I really want to mature as a person and be successful and happy, I am just struggling to stick with anything. Someone said the job you wanted as an 8 year old is what you should always aim for? I think that is nonsense to be honest and besides i just wanted to have fun, watch tv and movies, play video games and play as an 8 year old, i never really thought about what I would be. My parents always said i was a dreamer.

Some people say i should be an actor, as apparently i am funny in a miserable cynical sort of way. (not in this article obviously) Thats not a goer either because i'll never get a mortgage that way, and finding a partner will be even more difficult. Besides, i come from a very conservative wealthy family and the social pressures that will be put on me to have a stable well paid job will be huge, as they already are. I just don't want to be 45 single and penniless.

Does anyone have any constructive advice? Feel free to be as brutal in your criticism as you want. Would really appreciate peoples input.

Hey OP

Reading your comments and I find myself in a very similar situation though I am closer to 40. I came here to actually ask advise on career coachs etc as I feel directionless at the moment and the fact I have no career at almost 40 worries me. Currently working in a job that a 15 yro could do and is just above minimun wage is soul destroying at times. I have lots of interests but choosing which route to follow is difficult I find. Likewise I feel the work situation is a bit of a hinderance in the romantic stakes as most women in our age bracket want a bit of stability in potential partners, not someone who still doesn't know where they are going.

Ironically, some people tell me they wish they had my life as I have travelled extensively around the world and have done most of the things I always dreamed off. This was fine in my 20s/early 30s but now I feel I havent progressed in my life. On the flip side, I suppose the lack of a career means I can head off when I want as I have no real commitments. Grass always seems greener I suppose.

Like yourself, I seem to lack focus/commitment. Sometimes I will really get into one of my hobbies only to lose interest shortly after but then get into it another time and they always seem to be on rotation. I also find myself getting worse at procrastination. There are things I would like to do like learn abour car mechanics or learn French but I seem to lack the motivation to push myself to do these things. In fact I will do anything other than the thing I want to do because it takes a bit of effort.

I don't want to hijack your thread but as we seem quite similar, maybe my question might apply to both of us. Who are the best people to turn to for help for advice on choosing a career/profession? What about career/life coaches? Are they actually any good or does anybody have any experience with them or any reccomendations?

Dughorm

pavilion29 wrote: »

I am in hedge funds now and after 7 months am starting to get bored of that as well. To break the monotony i have taken up acting again in an effort to meet women.

How's that going for you?

pavilion29 wrote: »

Oh yeah, women. I am a disaster with women. All the women i like don't like me and the ones who show any interest in me, I don't like. I am starting to get very worried about my lack of commitment or maintaining interest in anything in life, especially at a time when my friends are settling down both in careers and long term relationships / marriages. And no woman is going to want to invest in me as a partner, if i cannot get my act together career wise. (well the type of woman i am attracted to anyway)

Well, if the type of woman you're after wants stability in a partner then quitting a "conservative" job after 7 months because you're "bored" isn't the way to go.

Stick at your funds job - make a decision to commit to it for at least a year or X months- that will give you freedom to release your boredom by doing acting after hours while working on improving your day to day performance until it becomes handy for you.

I am aware of how dull the funds industry is - surely your colleagues are in the same situation. Look how you'll stand out to a prospective partner compared to your colleagues even - stable job and you're interesting after hours!