Advice on moving on please

Trillet

Hi all,

I posted here before, I've broken up with my long term girlfriend someone who've I've talked to basically everyday since I was 21, 4 years later and I'm basically telling myself I've ruined my life.

Getting through the day is extremely difficult, we had been fighting at the time and she was living in the UK, mutually we broke up but neither of us wanted it. Since then I've acted and said I'll move and drop everything for her but she wants to move on and told me we won't be a couple again. She didn't think I'd give up hobbies here and go travelling but I'm willing to do everything possible.

I enjoyed single life for 3 months or so but then I began to realise what I clown I was, I honestly have no interest in any other girl but her. I beat myself regularly everyday (verbally inside) and can't get over the regret and pain I've caused myself.

Anyone been in a similar rut? People will tell me to cut contact which I have for the past month but I literally feel sick to my stomach about it. I love the girl more than anything and can't do anything about it.

Any recommendations? I literally don't think I could ever find someone which I had so much in common with again. I feel sick.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Trillet wrote: »

Hi all,

I posted here before, I've broken up with my long term girlfriend someone who've I've talked to basically everyday since I was 21, 4 years later and I'm basically telling myself I've ruined my life.

Getting through the day is extremely difficult, we had been fighting at the time and she was living in the UK, mutually we broke up but neither of us wanted it. Since then I've acted and said I'll move and drop everything for her but she wants to move on and told me we won't be a couple again. She didn't think I'd give up hobbies here and go travelling but I'm willing to do everything possible.

I enjoyed single life for 3 months or so but then I began to realise what I clown I was, I honestly have no interest in any other girl but her. I beat myself regularly everyday (verbally inside) and can't get over the regret and pain I've caused myself.

Anyone been in a similar rut? People will tell me to cut contact which I have for the past month but I literally feel sick to my stomach about it. I love the girl more than anything and can't do anything about it.

Any recommendations? I literally don't think I could ever find someone which I had so much in common with again. I feel sick.

A lot of breakups feel like you'll never meet someone this good again. But it's just fear. Fear of the unknown.

If you broke up, you broke up for a reason. And if you were both that into it you'd have resolved it.

It was a teaching experience, one that you'll likely look back on in the future and realise that although she was a great girl, you've met someone even better.

Just ride it out mate, time will heal it and you'll start meeting new girls.

SarahMollie

I know you're doing it tough at the moment OP, but time really does heal all wounds.

Your ex has clearly communicated to you that she doesnt see you getting back together no matter what sacrifices you make. You should take her at her word. People sometimes bring up other factors (your hobbies) to try and soften what they're really saying - that she wants to stay broken up.

You're very down so you need to focus on people who can help keep your spirits up. Lean on friends, and keep yourself busy. Explain to your ex that if the breakup is really for good that you need to cut all contact, at least for a while (say 6months or so) so that you can both have space to heal.

Trillet

SarahMollie wrote: »

I know you're doing it tough at the moment OP, but time really does heal all wounds.

Your ex has clearly communicated to you that she doesnt see you getting back together no matter what sacrifices you make. You should take her at her word. People sometimes bring up other factors (your hobbies) to try and soften what they're really saying - that she wants to stay broken up.

You're very down so you need to focus on people who can help keep your spirits up. Lean on friends, and keep yourself busy. Explain to your ex that if the breakup is really for good that you need to cut all contact, at least for a while (say 6months or so) so that you can both have space to heal.

It's been a while since the breakup - which neither of us wanted. We can been trading texts every now and again, both had said we missed each other. Got on great with her family, friends, both had so much in common.

I know some of her friends are single also and they're probably in her ear too, like If I saw her with someone else I'd go into meltdown I reckon, this is all my own doing anyway and have no one to blame but myself.

Trillet

SarahMollie wrote: »

I know you're doing it tough at the moment OP, but time really does heal all wounds.

Your ex has clearly communicated to you that she doesnt see you getting back together no matter what sacrifices you make. You should take her at her word. People sometimes bring up other factors (your hobbies) to try and soften what they're really saying - that she wants to stay broken up.

You're very down so you need to focus on people who can help keep your spirits up. Lean on friends, and keep yourself busy. Explain to your ex that if the breakup is really for good that you need to cut all contact, at least for a while (say 6months or so) so that you can both have space to heal.

It's been a while since the breakup - which neither of us wanted. We can been trading texts every now and again, both had said we missed each other. Got on great with her family, friends, both had so much in common.

I know some of her friends are single also and they're probably in her ear too, like If I saw her with someone else I'd go into meltdown I reckon, this is all my own doing anyway and have no one to blame but myself.

KikiDee

Hey OP,

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it. I've been where you are very recently and I promise you, that sick feeling that you're getting? It does go. You need to cut contact. For yourself. I've said this to someone else on here and I believe it to be so so true, be selfish right now and focus on you. She's said it's over and doesn't want to be with you so now you need to process that and accept it before you can ever move on.

Of course if you saw her with someone else it would freak you out. You're still in love with her and wanting to be with her but the time will come when you find yourself thinking less about her and the thought of her with someone else, while it will still pang you, won't be as tough to take.