Marriage Problem

LegacyUser

hi everyone, looking for some input. We have been married for 27years, three (nearly) grown up kids, three grandchildren. 7 years ago, my husband had an accident at work and damaged his knee. He has not worked since. He got a job last year as a driver but left the job after a couple of weeks, because he said the vans were dangerous to drive. He will not go out socially anywhere with me. It is after getting to the stage, where we barely even talk anymore. I know he is depressed, but when I persuaded him to go to the doctor before, he was given anti-depressants but didnt take them.

I just wonder what is the point anymore? I dont even know what I am looking for here, just letting off a bit of steam maybe. Considering whether I would be better off on my own, than be with someone who has no inclination to do anything...

zoobizoo

Does he get enjoyment from anything? Kids.... grand kids?

Has he recently stopped going out with you socially or is that an ongoing thing?

did this all come about after the accident?

questionmark?

Tablet's seem to be doctors answers to everything, often as it's a quick fix and a under resourced health service but I digress, would he consider going to a phycologist? Talking is one of the most powerful treatments there is, if he is depressed it can do the world of good. Judging by your post he's stuck in a rut and I would recommend CBT therepy.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. No, he wouldnt go for therapy or anything like that, prob cos then he would have to talk about stuff. He does enjoy the grandkids, and when he is with the kids, it is sometimes hard to distinguish between him and the kids. He will mess and fight with them until I end up giving out, and then I am considered the bad guy. Cos the messing and fighting nearly always ends up with someone being hurt, not seriously, but still.
I think that he considers himself as one of the kids, he takes no responsibility for anything. I work full time, bring the kids to school, check on homework, make sure the bills are paid etc.
He wasnt as bad before but in the last few years, he is gone so anti social.

I would love to feel that I had a partner, not another child... if that makes sense.

Persiancowboy

What are your options? Are you in a position to leave (if that's what you want to do) or are you thinking of trying to get him to leave? What age are your children?

Have you a life outside of the home .....by that i mean outside interests/friends or are you dealing with this ****e all on your won?

Are you young enough to start a new relationship if you did break free of what sounds like a marriage that has slowly withered and died?

I'm a firm member of the You Only Live Once Brigade and so why should you have to suffer if your other half has given up and shows no inclination to get off his backside and stay living?

LegacyUser

As someone who is in the middle of a separation with what was a dependent partner I can assure you that a separation is not something to take lightly, factors to consider are future incomes, possible sale of the family home, ability to take on a new mortgage (age is a big factor here), pension entitlements, division of all assets.....it's a minefield and is painful......I'm a believer in you only live once also but sometimes the stable comforts of life are more valuable and rewarding than the excitement of a new sociable partner on your arm. That's just my tuppence worth!!