School treats me a separated father father like a criminal

Joshua5

Guys,

I've been separated a number of years and the separation turned toxic in the last 10 months due to a new arrival.

Last year unfounded allegations of abuse against my wife resulted in a safety order against me awarded on behalf of my wife. It's recently been struck out.

However as a result she's blackened my name where she can and the school is a particular issue for me because they should be impartial in my opinion.

Mum told the school I was an abusive man, I would kidnap the children and she was in fear.

The schools response was treating me like a criminal at my daughters communion and teachers speaking about me on my daughters communion, refusing school reports which I finally have received and now yesterday when I went to collect my kids from school I find that they are held in the principles office after school each day inCase i attempt to kidnap which is a shambles.
They are not allowed to walk out with other children incase I'm around.

There is no order against me, the allegations are false and my children are humiliated being held in the principles office each day.

How would one approach this subject? I'd like the kids to lead a normal school life and not be subjected to this.

Buona Fortuna

Hi Joshua

That sounds an awful situation.

I have some sympathy with the school though. They are betwixt and between are very diffiult situation and protecting kids is their ultimate responsibility.

Joshua5 wrote: »

now yesterday when I went to collect my kids from school I find that they are held in the principles office after school each day inCase i attempt to kidnap which is a shambles.

So just clarify here. Your collection of the children was arranged, presumably with their mother? Or do you normally pick them up? Is that everyday or certain days of the week? How was it?

I imagine that you need to speak to your own solicitor.

1hnr79jr65

I would suggest you arrange a meeting with the principle and explain your side without being negative about the mother.

Just explain the facts that an allegation was made and subsequently dismissed, they are also your children and while you appreciate the school are taking their obligation to protect the children seriously, however they have no just cause to prevent you from collecting your kids and doing so without appropriate court order is a breach of your rights and a humiliation to you and your children.

Joshua5

It's been a nightmare for all involved most of all the children. Mum doesn't want any communication at all except to talk about me to anyone in the children's lives in a negative way.

It was court ordered that she doesn't stop me collecting them from school and Wednesday is now my school collection day.

But The main thing in the court order was stated by the judge was that bringing the children into a hostile environment that makes them feel different around their father is counterproductive.

In other words holding them in the principals office incase dad kidnaps them is bad for the children's mindset.

I only discovered this was happening on my collection day yesterday. It was quite embarrassing for the kids because they aren't able to walk out with their classmates since mum made this accusation and the school accommodates it. We have joint custody and nearly 50/50 access as of today after a long uphill battle.

I don't want the kids to feel like that anymore and these actions are wrong.

looksee

Make an appointment to see the principal when the children are not there. Show him/her the documentation and calmly explain the situation. It is, unfortunately, true that people will believe the first version of any story that they hear and often do not want to hear any alternative. You need to show yourself as a calm, collected and non-aggressive person, simply explaining the facts.

tramoreman77

Separations are very tough ,I'd advise you to go legal on this ,and I mean everything,guardianship then courts to get an document telling you what days both of you see the kids ,matinence ect,then all this will shop when she sees you mean business

Joshua5

Its gone legal and her story has quickly unravelled into the bull**** it was although it's taken so long but she is completely disregarding everything the judges say.
I'd like to mention that I am actually the calm one and this was just a case of her flexing her power which has now just flipped on its head. I was cut of of the children's lives because of the false accusations but they've just been proven to be false finally! But she's still not playing ball at all so what's a guy got to do? It costs a small fortune to keep going to court and the judges get sick of it

tramoreman77 wrote: »

Separations are very tough ,I'd advise you to go legal on this ,and I mean everything,guardianship then courts to get an document telling you what days both of you see the kids ,matinence ect,then all this will shop when she sees you mean business

A calm discussion with the principal and if nothing changes a solicitors letter summarising the facts?

NicoleW85

Didn't you have a thread quite a few months ago when you were stuck with no access to the kids, and the guards had been called etc? I couldn't believe how someone could be so vindictive when her children were involved! I'm so glad you finally have access but as a few have already stated, I think you need to go into the school and tell the principal & kids' teachers the REAL story. Assure them you would never 'kidnap' your own children and that kind of behaviour would never enter your mind. You've done well to keep your cool for this long!!!

Joshua5

Yes I did and it's been a long a painful battle. But I've finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel and got some positive results as the old saying goes a liar needs a good memory and it all unravelled in court. In saying that I'll never get the time missed back and there is no punishments for false accusations hence the reason this behaviour is continuing and the only victims here are the kids. The judge is very clear stop the nonsense but the problem is there's a different judge each time. 11 months 12 court cases later and a lot of dollar down the drain......

NicoleW85 wrote: »

Didn't you have a thread quite a few months ago when you were stuck with no access to the kids, and the guards had been called etc? I couldn't believe how someone could be so vindictive when her children were involved! I'm so glad you finally have access but as a few have already stated, I think you need to go into the school and tell the principal & kids' teachers the REAL story. Assure them you would never 'kidnap' your own children and that kind of behaviour would never enter your mind. You've done well to keep your cool for this long!!!

Palmach

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

.

I have some sympathy with the school though. They are betwixt and between are very diffiult situation and protecting kids is their ultimate responsibility.

I have no sympathy for the school whatsoever. The school has no right to treat him like this when there is simply is no basis for doing so. I'd go straight to a solicitor and make it clear to the Principal that unless he/she stops the nonsense right now he'll be taking it further. A disgraceful way to treat a man.

Joshua5

The school have treated me badly, I am in fact still fully married in the eyes of the law and they wouldn't give me the school reports at all. I finally got them AFTER a hearing which had showed that there was attendance issues that where being hidden from me. This meant I couldn't put my case forward properly and I find it's an uphill battle with them.

The fact they have my kids held in the principles office because mum said I'll kidnap them is offensive not only to me but my kids can't walk out like normal children and mum is as the judge said is causing them to be in fear with this behaviour. I just don't know how to stop it

Palmach wrote: »

I have no sympathy for the school whatsoever. The school has no right to treat him like this when there is simply is no basis for doing so. I'd go straight to a solicitor and make it clear to the Principal that unless he/she stops the nonsense right now he'll be taking it further. A disgraceful way to treat a man.

Kimbot

Joshua, all I can say is to make an appointment with the principal for a little chat about this. You could get on to your solicitor and get them to write up a letter on your behalf to bring to this meeting and that should put a stop to all this carry on for you.

Joshua5

jonny24ie wrote: »

Joshua, all I can say is to make an appointment with the principal for a little chat about this. You could get on to your solicitor and get them to write up a letter on your behalf to bring to this meeting and that should put a stop to all this carry on for you.

I can't even get an appointment with the principle, he keeps avoiding me.

I lived overseas for a period due to the recession, I'm a very active dad and always was kept abreast of the kids progress through mum but since the relationship broke down she's gone into the school and blackened my name.

Now since I need to engage with them directly they don't play ball at all on the basis that she has claimed I'm a bully amoungst other things.

It was very difficult to see the treatment of the kids being held in the office because mum wanted to keep up appearances. While all kids where running out laughing and joking with each other they are sat in the principles office until either mum or the child minder collects them just incase I rock up and snatch them. It's outrageous really, the first I seen or heard about it was yesterday.

I called the school again today to speak to the principle but again he isn't available. And the admin staff who clearly know the background story told by mum are quite rude to me. They tried to say they where held there for me to collect with ease, then back tracked to say they've been held there the last number of months.

When I asked why they began to stutter and went of on a different angle. The judge and I shared the same view, mum and dad need to communicate and the kids shouldn't know whats going on. But they are smart and know that since mum and dad began to disagree there routines have been turned upside down.

This is not right at all on them, they stand out like a sore thumb. What child wants to be held there for collection instead of walking out with their buddies. Shame on the school is what I say

stoplooklisten

If the principal won't talk to you, contact the board of management. That's a childish fecking games he is playing.

arayess

Sour Lemonz wrote: »

I would suggest you arrange a meeting with the principle and explain your side without being negative about the mother.

Just explain the facts that an allegation was made and subsequently dismissed, they are also your children and while you appreciate the school are taking their obligation to protect the children seriously, however they have no just cause to prevent you from collecting your kids and doing so without appropriate court order is a breach of your rights and a humiliation to you and your children.

I'd similar thing with my ex. Constantly bad mouthing me to the school where I ended up getting dirty looks from teachers and what i can only describe as guarded comments toward me .

It came to a climax one day during when she was denying me access (another issue I had ) I turned up early from school to collect him .

The policy was that the secretary would get a child from class while I'd wait in the office. in his innocence he told the school teacher that his mam said he wasn't to go with me and even admitted that that day was normally a day with his dad.
The school refused to allow him to go with me .
You can imagine the frustration I felt it actually took a lot of effort not to thrash the principals office. But I left in rage.

anyway I got a meeting with the principal and my solicitor wrote to the school advising and threatening them nonetheless. I'd advise this as the school are making your kids are being treated differently at school based on their mother's stories to the school...which is bonkers.

anyway my grief ended then and the school saw that there were two sides to this.

teachers get training on how to deal with family break-up and the stories and b1tching that comes with that. So for any of the teachers to look badly on you as a result of things you ex said is highly unprofessional.

If the principal won't meet you I'd go to the board of management first or maybe even the department of education.

Pat Mustard

Mod:

Joshua5, while we appreciate that you have serious family law problems and we sympathise with you in that regard, it is not appropriate that these problems should be posted on this forum.

These are problems to be discussed with your solicitor.

Please do not open any new threads in relation to your family law issues.

This thread is now closed.