Is he single?

lelo100

So I'm in my 30's met a guy out and he asked me on a date. I went on the date he's a bit older but seemed like a really nice guy. He said he's deprecated from his wife 6 months. Has two kids with her. Anyway he asked me out again and I would have said yes but I added him as a friend on Facebook and there are photos of him and his wife out on a night out with friends a couple of months ago. It doesn't look from his page that they were separate 6 months anyway. I asked said this to him and he said that his facebook page doesn't reflect his relationship status and if I got to know him I would know this. I just really don't get the impression from his page that six months ago his wife had an affair as the photos show him out with her and friends having a right laugh in January. But then why would he lie? What should I do. Meet him again or give him the boot lol?

Persiancowboy

Life is complicated enough without leaving time-wasters and chancers like this guy into your life. Walk away now before you get involved and end up getting hurt.

Emme

If you have to ask is he single it's highly likely he isn't. They could be separated and living together under the same roof but it's unlikely they'd be socialising together that much. If you continue to see this man you'll get nothing but excuses and you won't know where you stand. If you stick it a few months you might get the speech "we're actually still married but don't sleep together blahdeblahdeblah we agreed to separate a year ago but we haven't got round to the legal end of it yet…"

In other words it's highly likely he's married and playing around. Don't waste any more time with this joker.

Magicmatilda

Personally I would walk away now as it all seems too murky. However if you are not going to do this then at least question what he is telling you,

Are they friends on FB?
Did they go to court of the separation?
Why did they separate?
Does she know he is dating?
Are they still living together, why?

You could also contact her and ask?

But, yeah, I would walk away.

CaraMay

Put a post on his timeline saying 'fab night last night darling, looking forward to seeing you saturday night' and see what he does. It does look like he's attached but why would he add you on Facebook. Proceed with serious caution

njs030

Emme wrote: »

we agreed to separate a year ago but we haven't got round to the legal end of it yet…"

There is no legal end to get round to, you live apart and that's classed as separated, after 4 years they divorce. Some people choose to get a legal separation but it's not essential.

Im in 2 minds Op, on one hand I think it's unlikely he would add you to fb if hes cheating. On the other I agree it's very strange he would be on a night out with her and he seems reluctant to explain.
If I was to guess I'd say they split up a lot more recently and that's why he still has photos of her up.
Even so- 6 weeks or 6 months is very soon to be dating after a marriage breakup and it's unlikely he's ready for anything serious.

Emme

notjustsweet wrote: »

There is no legal end to get round to, you live apart and that's classed as separated, after 4 years they divorce. Some people choose to get a legal separation but it's not essential.

So what's the difference between "separated" and "legally separated?"

If what you say above is true a man could spend a few days away from his wife every week in a flat he owns and say he's "separated" during those few days. Or he could be away on a business trip staying in a hotel and be "separated" during that time.

CaraMay wrote: »

Put a post on his timeline saying 'fab night last night darling, looking forward to seeing you saturday night' and see what he does. It does look like he's attached but why would he add you on Facebook. Proceed with serious caution

I don't advise this. If his wife (estranged or not) queries this you're the one who's going to end up looking like a crazy stalker and he has already proven he is well able to make excuses. Just walk away.

njs030

Emme wrote: »

So what's the difference between "separated" and "legally separated?"

If what you say above is true a man could spend a few days away from his wife every week in a flat he owns and say he's "separated" during those few days. Or he could be away on a business trip staying in a hotel and be "separated" during that time.

Separated means living as separate individuals in the law- they can live in the same house but all bills, shopping, washing etc must be separate.
As I said after 4 years they can divorce.

It's pretty obvious that if someone goes on a business trip with the intention of returning to their spouse they aren't separated.

And yes it's true I'm not in the habit of making up laws, look up divorce and separation if you need further clarification.

Emme

notjustsweet wrote: »

Separated means living as separate individuals in the law- they can live in the same house but all bills, shopping, washing etc must be separate.
As I said after 4 years they can divorce.

It's pretty obvious that if someone goes on a business trip with the intention of returning to their spouse they aren't separated.

And yes it's true I'm not in the habit of making up laws, look up divorce and separation if you need further clarification.

Thanks. It seems clear enough but certain men's interpretation of "separated" isn't quite so clear. You may not be in the habit of making up laws or interpreting the law in a creative way but many married men are.

njs030

Emme wrote: »

Thanks. It seems clear enough but certain men's interpretation of "separated" isn't quite so clear. You may not be in the habit of making up laws or interpreting the law in a creative way but many married men are.

True, well in ops it's too early to have these kind of problems and I would personally walk fast in the opposite direction.

timmy880

"his facebook page doesn't reflect his relationship status and if I got to know him I would know this"

That's the type of BS response that would suggest he is lying about something rather than actually explaining clearly why there are still fairly recent pics of him and his wife on Facebook. Most of the time, how it looks is exactly how it is. I would avoid meeting this guy again.

Cupcake_Crisis

Op, if you've been on ONE date and he's already causing you stress and head wreck, just imagine what it'll be like a few weeks down the line.

Don't waste your time with him.

LeeLooLee

It would take some balls to add you on Facebook if he's still with his wife, and friends with her on there, but I've known people who've done this. Either way, I wouldn't want to date someone who's been separated so little time after a marriage.

lelo100

Just to add I added him to Facebook and he accepted almost immediately. When I asked him about the photos of him on a night out with wife in January he said they're very much separated but were on a night out with mutual friends!!

SB_Part2

lelo100 wrote: »

Just to add I added him to Facebook and he accepted almost immediately. When I asked him about the photos of him on a night out with wife in January he said they're very much separated but were on a night out with mutual friends!!

That could be all well and true but if you're questioning this man after just one date I'd probably walk away. Life's too short.

ManOfMystery

Then again, the guy could be telling the truth and you could be missing out on something rewarding.

My aunt and uncle separated a few years back but stayed amicable enough for the sake of their kids. There were numerous photos on Facebook (both are heavy social media users) within 2 months of their separation with them out with mutual friends, kids, and smiling etc. Of course they will look fine in photos - people tend to smile for photos, they don't sit with grumpy faces all the time.

If he was still in a relationship with his wife, I doubt very much he'd be in a hurry to add a liaison to his list of Facebook friends.

Riskymove

SB_Part2 wrote: »

That could be all well and true but if you're questioning this man after just one date I'd probably walk away. Life's too short.

tbf she only had a question because of one pic up on facebook to which he answered her.

If their marriage was in trouble six months ago, they may still have felt compelled to attend a social event and put on a good face or maybe they were not yet telling people of the separation....people do such things.

as others mentioned I doubt he'd be adding her as a friend so quickly if he was having an affair.

OP

the issue I would say is that it is a very short time for him to be out of a marriage to be in a new relationship so bear that in mind. Only you can decide if he is being upfront

Ursus Horribilis

Really, none of us knows enough about this to answer the question one way or another. If you read it one way, you could say yes it looks fishy. On the other, these things can be complicated and he may be genuine. I know someone who attended a family event with her recently estranged husband and acted as if everything was normal.

What would be useful to find out is where he's living now. Now that could be interesting... if he's still living under the same roof as his wife, run!! It'd also be interesting to know what custody arrangements are in place for the children.

Augme

Probably best to give it a miss if you're feeling a bit insecure about it this early on. Not every separated couple hates the sight of the other, especially ones with kids.

lelo100

He said he's in the family home and she's gone three miles down the road. Hard to know!!

CaraMay

lelo100 wrote: »

He said he's in the family home and she's gone three miles down the road. Hard to know!!

Have they kids? Who has custody?

CaraMay

Also why would you add some guy after just one date?

power pants

CaraMay wrote: »

Also why would you add some guy after just one date?

to get to know them better, its hardly that strange a notion

mapaca

The fact that he couldn't give a straight answer when you asked him about it would set off the alarm bells for me. Either he's a separated, single, free agent, or he's not. It's not a difficult question.

Ursus Horribilis

lelo100 wrote: »

He said he's in the family home and she's gone three miles down the road. Hard to know!!

So where are the children then? From what I can see, in most cases where a couple split, the children and their mum stay in the family home. The logic being that it's less disruptive for the children if they can continue to live in familiar surroundings.