Single/Lone Parents Chat Thread

Vel

Thought it might be helpful to start a thread for those single parents amongst us! Since I became one I've been quite staggered at the lack of online or real life communities where we can get together to share experiences and get some support.

I am female, 37 and have three children - a 7 year old, 5.5 year old and 3 year old. I split with my partner last year. He is still very involved with the children but I have primary custody. We are pretty much on the same page in terms of bringing up the kids, which is great. Things are unfortunately somewhat acrimonious in other areas but hoping that that will all settle as time goes on.

Honestly, I am coping much better than I expected. I thought I would fall apart, especially over things like managing my finances as that has never been my forte but I am delighted at how well I am doing so far. It is very tough and I really miss the companionship but I think I am a stronger person for my kids now.

The kids took it very badly, much more than either of us expected and have been 'acting out' in a variety of ways and the guilt and stress that that has brought has been awful but they appear to be settling a small bit (touch wood!)

Interested to hear other people's experiences

Vel

Am I the only single parent knocking around these parts?!!:D

Miss Merry Berry

Sorry I meant to get back to you before. I'm kind of in a different situation now but I had my daughter on my own at 27 and was a single parent for nearly 2 years. I met my partner then, I'm very lucky to have met a lovely and very kind man who is the complete opposite to my daughter's biological father. I did struggle on my own for those two years, it was difficult physically, emotionally and financially but I'm a very independent person anyway. In ways, I felt like I had lost my identity as a person and I wondered if there was life after becoming a single person but there is. I think you're doing the right thing being civil with your ex partner. I just wanted to say that I know how it feels and it can be very lonely at times, especially when you're in social situations with lots of couples but at the end of the day, your children are your world and they're all that matters but don't forget your own welfare too. If you ever want to get anything off your chest, just holler.

Lady is a tramp

Just wanted to suggest maybe a move to the Separation & Divorce forum, you might find more parents in your situation there.

Makapakka

I'm a single mother, I have a 2.5 year old and am 26! I love being a mother but it is hard! It would be great to have a place to come where people understand what it's like doing it by yourself!

Stheno

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

Just wanted to suggest maybe a move to the Separation & Divorce forum, you might find more parents in your situation there.

Mods I hope you don't mind me posting here

Any Lady, I decided to reply to this, as one of the big struggles we have in Seperation and Divorce is trying to figure out if posts should stay there, go to PI or go here!

Sometimes in Seperation and Divorce, the challenges of dealing with the situation detracts from what is best for the children, and a more focussed forum such as parenting can be far better to address the needs of children in such situations.

lcats

hi ladies I'm a single parent to one child who's 3 years old.
We split up 2 years ago but we're Co habiting until a few months ago so my son also took it hard.
I'm exhausted now and I just found this while looking for, exactly this.

Is there no actual single parents discussion forum ?
is there a way we can chat in private on boards.ie?
nice to see you're out there x

Vel

lcats wrote: »

hi ladies I'm a single parent to one child who's 3 years old.
We split up 2 years ago but we're Co habiting until a few months ago so my son also took it hard.
I'm exhausted now and I just found this while looking for, exactly this.

Is there no actual single parents discussion forum ?
is there a way we can chat in private on boards.ie?
nice to see you're out there x

Good to hear there are a few of us out there. I really have found it hard to find any kind of online discussion type support. I have no friends in a similar situation so it can feel very lonely sometimes and I also don't want to dump too much on them as everyone has their own 'struggles'

Based on the uptake on this thread, either there aren't many of us around Boards or people just aren't willing to share their experiences on here either, which is fair enough, so I'm not sure if the mods would consider setting up a sub-forum.

Mods, would there be a possibility?

Ms. Pingui

I'm a single mother too, to an almost 6 year old girl. I had her when I was 20 and have been in my own since the start. Thankfully I have great family support! A sub forum would be fab, I was only thinking recently that there should be one.

2011

I am a single father for about 7 years now. My daughter has just turned 13, custody is 50 / 50. I found it very difficult for the first few years with work commitments, school etc.. but thankfully all is going very well now.

My daughter and I always got on extremely well and we continue to do lots together. I have always been careful not to criticise her mother, even when pushed by my daughter. This is key when a relationship fails IMHO. I remained in the family home since my ex left. I think that this continuity also helps my daughter feel settled.

I have been in a relationship with a single mother (she has a son) for the last few years. So far this is working well between all 4 of us

2011

New forum request made here:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=99164365

Vel

Thanks 2011 I wasn't aware it could be done. Fingers crossed!

2011

Vel wrote: »

Thanks 2011 I wasn't aware it could be done. Fingers crossed!

No problem.
Posting your support on my thread increase the chances of success.

Karmella

I'm separated about 2 years now with 2 kids (was pregnant with the youngest when we split).

I don't know how I survive some days! Haven't a clue what I'm doing half the time. The ex's reliability is not the best which makes it hard too.

I like the idea of the sub forum

2011

Karmella wrote: »

I'm separated about 2 years now with 2 kids (was pregnant with the youngest when we split).

I don't know how I survive some days! Haven't a clue what I'm doing half the time. The ex's reliability is not the best which makes it hard too.

I like the idea of the sub forum

Please give it your +1 vote here.
Thanks.

Vel

Thanks mods for stickying this.

How are my fellow single/lone parents doing today? My ex and I split the Easter holidays between us so he had them for most of last week and I have them this week. I've struggled at times to keep them entertained (financially I just can't do as much with them anymore) but we've been out and about a good bit and making the most of the dry weather.

I'll be glad when they are back to the routine of school and creche next week!

2011

Vel wrote: »

How are my fellow single/lone parents doing today?

I'm good, thanks.

I had my 13 year old daughter for the first week of the holidays and her mother had her for the second. As always grandparents have been very helpful and there were plenty of playdates.

School is welcomed as it brings routine which is something that she likes. I am starting to see evidence of the moody teenager starting, but overall she is very easy to deal with.

Vel

Well folks, the + camp for a new sub-forum are trailing the - camp by 3 votes. It actually blows my mind that, apart from mods and obviously single parents, people who aren't single parents or even parents would bother to come onto a thread and vote against a call for a sub-forum where people could come together to potentially support one another. I mean why would it bother them one way or the other. Mind officially blown! People be STRANGE!!!

2011

It's not too late, you can still support us with a +1 post (see link in my signature).

Neyite

I was just coming on here to suggest you put a link to your forum request in your signature, but I see 2011 has beat me to it.

Chocolate girl

2011 wrote: »

New forum request made here:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=99164365

+1.
Is this all I have to do to support?

2011

Chocolate girl wrote: »

+1.
Is this all I have to do to support?

Thanks for your support.

You need to post +1 here.