Mid twenties, no sexual experience

LegacyUser

Well as the title says, I'm 24 years old and I have never gone further than kissing a guy. I've never had a boyfriend (same sex schools all the way through, trained as a primary school teacher, mostly female class) and I wouldn't be into the one night stand thing. I've always been conscious about this and I suppose I was so embarrassed by my lack of experience that it caused me to not push myself. I just didn't want to look foolish or like I didn't know what I was doing even tho I've watched porn.
Problem is now that I've started dating a guy. We've met three times and I do like him but I suppose I'm still a bit apprehensive. I'd prefer to wait another little while before becoming more intimate but I'm afraid he'll get fed up waiting since most girls my age wouldn't have these issues. I'm also afraid that I'll obviously be terrible at everything...like I've never even given a hand job or blow job!
Should I tell him that I've no experience? I'm afraid that'll put him off more because he might think I have it all built up in my head but if it eventually comes where he invites me over and I blow him off hes gonna think I'm not interested. If he invites me over should I just go and then explain when I'm there that I'm not ready?

lifeandtimes

nobody is born with the experience of sex, everyone has to learn one way or another.

Best thing you can do is just be honest with him and tell him if it comes to the time you are about to get intimate, he might find it appealing that hell get to teach someone how he likes things and vice versa or it could be that he has no experience either and you get to learn together.

Best advice is to just be honest and just tell him when the time coms

Ineedaname

Tell him the truth.

If he's a good guy he'll be understanding and patient. If he's not then you're far better off without him anyway.

zoobizoo

jlasjdfalsdjfasd wrote: »

Problem is now that I've started dating a guy. We've met three times and I do like him but I suppose I'm still a bit apprehensive. I'd prefer to wait another little while before becoming more intimate but I'm afraid he'll get fed up waiting since most girls my age wouldn't have these issues. I'm also afraid that I'll obviously be terrible at everything...like I've never even given a hand job or blow job!

(a) plenty of women your age are in the same boat.
(b) he may not be very experienced
(c) he may want to take things slowly
(d) you are allowed to take things as slowly as you want
(e) tell him that you would rather wait
(f) if he doesn't want to, then that's his look out.

SarahMollie

jlasjdfalsdjfasd wrote: »

If he invites me over should I just go and then explain when I'm there that I'm not ready?

Maybe if you're not ready it might be wise to keep your dates out in public for the time being. Not that you can't say no but sometimes its harder once youre in the situation. You might just be putting more pressure on yourself.

Also, I know the impression is out there that everyone sleeps together on the first few dates, but its not always the case.

I didnt sleep with my BF until the 6th/7th date i think - it was nicer as i was satisfied that he was sticking around regardless and also by the time it happened we both really wanted it.

Jimmy Bottlehead

As said above, I'd recommend just telling him soon. That way, he's in the know and can adjust his expectations based on that.
So if he invites you over, he'll know it likely won't happen yet.

If he's a decent guy and sees you as worth it, he won't mind waiting a wee while. If he bails, then he likely didn't see the value in you.

And as big a deal as sex seems, it's really not when you get down to it. Just take it slow and most of all, have fun and enjoy it.

panda100

zoobizoo wrote:

(a) plenty of women your age are in the same boat. (b) he may not be very experienced (c) he may want to take things slowly (d) you are allowed to take things as slowly as you want (e) tell him that you would rather wait (f) if he doesn't want to, then that's his look out.

+1 to all the above.

I also agree with the above poster that it would be a good idea to chat to him about your concerns. It will ultimately make you feel more comfortable when you do decide to get more intimate.

Arghus

I think if he's a nice guy he'll understand. Not everyone is massively experienced just because they reach a certain stage of their lives, we're sort of led to believe the opposite of that, but you definitely aren't the only one in this situation.

Sometimes there can be a pressure put on guys too, to rush into intimacy in a relationship. Men are told that they have to be mad for sex all the time, but men can often feel hesitant and nervous, not wanting to rush into things, especially if there's potential there for something "big" to the relationship. But that can be hard to admit, even to ourselves. He might appreciate the fact that you've been on the level with him and it might give him a chance to be open and honest with you. I think if he's into you, this won't scare him off

LegacyUser

Hi, I understand all your worries. I was in the same boat - by 24.5 had only kissed guys. Also had opportunities for more but like you wasn't into one night stands.
Met guy at 24, took things slow, he actually had very little experience too - though had at least had sex once !
We were rubbish to begin with and I had always fretted beforehand how it would be considering my grand age and not having a clue, but it didn't matter at the end of the day as I trusted him and we got there in the end. We had a laugh and were just happy figuring things out to start with.
It's kind of funny thinking back to us fumbling around in the beginning but I did realise after I had myself worked up for nothing.
Was pretty much an anti climax ( pardon the pun, the real thing took time too )

Roselm

Even people who do have sexual experience do not necessarily want to sleep with a new partner straight away. Don't put yourself under pressure. Sleep with him when it feels right for you two as a couple.
Good luck!

LegacyUser

A lack of experience isn't going to put many guys off. Lots of guys will actually like it, plenty would find it a turn on. Any guy that's gotten to go through that learning experience with a girl before will know how hot and fun it can be to be part of them getting to experience all these things for the first time, it's great. It also definitely doesn't follow that someone with more experience is necessarily better in bed than someone that less. How selfless, how engaging, how willing to listen and learn what the other person likes, and the natural chemistry between two people, and how naturally playful in general the person is are far far more important things, when it comes to whether or not the sex is good. I'd definitely tell him. You don't have to go into any detail, just that you're not too experienced.

Having said that, you also can't expect a guy to turn celibate indefinitely. And it'd be a bit unfair to just leave it as "I'll get back to you when I feel ready, could be two weeks could be two years" kind of thing. So might be a good idea to give him some kind of clue as to what "not ready yet" means exactly.

LegacyUser

OP here.
Thank you for your messages. I met up again with him last night and he suggested coming in for a nightcap which I declined. He mentioned the next day that our good night kiss was hot, and I said I was quite inexperienced at this and needed more time.
He said that he was pushing his luck and he still wanted to see me again so we shall see...he is more experienced than me, hes had lots of girlfriends and I imagine hes still seeing other girls as well as me which I obviously dont mind as we arent exclusive. I suppose I'm just not getting the vibes that hes very into me, so I'm wondering whether or not to pursue it.

SarahMollie

OPOPOPOPOPOPOP wrote: »

OP here.
Thank you for your messages. I met up again with him last night and he suggested coming in for a nightcap which I declined. He mentioned the next day that our good night kiss was hot, and I said I was quite inexperienced at this and needed more time.
He said that he was pushing his luck and he still wanted to see me again so we shall see...he is more experienced than me, hes had lots of girlfriends and I imagine hes still seeing other girls as well as me which I obviously dont mind as we arent exclusive. I suppose I'm just not getting the vibes that hes very into me, so I'm wondering whether or not to pursue it.

Honestly OP, if youre they type of girl to hang on to your virginity until age 24, then you probably shouldnt let it go until things are a bit more defined.

Are you just assuming hes seeing other girls because you perceive him to be popular and experienced, or do you actually know this? In my experience, the notion of others fell away extremely quickly in cases where the guy in question ultimately went on to become my boyfriend - when you click that well, it just happens naturally, you both lose all interest in the prospect of seeing other people.

Might be worth having a chat with him on this - if he's actually not seeing anyone but you, would that make you feel more comfortable?
I think its better you find out one way or the other, as I think it will put a lot of things into perspective.

Augme

Can I ask what/why you're waiting? To me it seems like you are constantly coming up with "reasons" why you should wait and are simply trying to delay it out of fear rather than anything else. At some stage you're going to have to do(most likely, you could just never do it) but the longer the you leave it the harder it will get.