Worrid about dad...

trixychic

Ok I could be in the wrong area here... admin can move if necessary.

So my dad is 50 yrs old. He has worked his whole life. He took an apprenticeship in his late teens in cabinet making and worked in that till about 15 yrs ago when he re trained and became a taxi driver. Which is still his profession.

Now he split from my mum about 17 yrs ago. She got the house, He got the 2 acres beside the house. On this he put a wooden shed that was small enough it didn't need planning permission but large enough to... kind of live in. (Ie bedroom, bathroom, kitchen/living area)


He damaged his back when he was working in the cabinet making and has siaticca. It has gotten sooo bad of late. Docs have prescribed strong meds, he's with a physio and does Pilates. But his back and siattica causes him constant discomfort and pain on a daily basis.

Now my mum moved out of the house... sold it. And now he is stuck in a shack on the side of the mountain alone with severe pains. He works as the local taxi bus driver but this seems to make things worse with his leg cause of the gear changes.

I am really worried about him. He says he wants to move but can't get a council house as he's a single man. And he doesn't know if he would qualify for rent allowance. He has even thought of going on disability some days but my mum is still demanding money from him. (If he fought the orders for him paying her they would be stopped. But he's kind of afraid of her so does nothing and keeps forking out money)

Now he needs to change jobs and he needs a break. I don't know what to do to help him. He has no idea on what profession to move to, and only has knowledge in physical Labour (typical older man). I think he is frightened of the idea of computers and what not but it might have to be the way forward.

Does anyone have any advice?? Can I help him in any way???

P.S. re the housing. I do realise that there are ppl/young families in this country who are homeless and he is lucky to have any kind of roof over his head!!! Just to confirm.
But I still worry about him

Xterminator

The 1st thing that comes to mind. can one of his children not take him in?

i had my dad live with use a few years, and it was an absolute privilege. He died a few years later and i am so grateful i have those memories.

OP - if circumstances permit, take him in with you.

Sleepy

trixychic wrote: »

He has even thought of going on disability some days but my mum is still demanding money from him. (If he fought the orders for him paying her they would be stopped. But he's kind of afraid of her so does nothing and keeps forking out money)

Is he afraid of her, or afraid of damaging his relationship with yourself (and your siblings if applicable)? It might be worth telling him that this is a course of action he should take so he knows you're okay with it.

Wompa1

Does he have long left to keep making payments?...are the kids in college or something and that's why he has to pay?

It sounds like a pretty brutal situation. Very, very sad that he's living in a shack. You don't hear many cases like that! It sounds like he's in a really bad situation. Could he move in with any of the kids, his own family or to a halfway home?

trixychic

Sleepy wrote: »

Is he afraid of her, or afraid of damaging his relationship with yourself (and your siblings if applicable)? It might be worth telling him that this is a course of action he should take so he knows you're okay with it.

Oh he knows well that we think he is nuts. Myself and sisters are always tellin him to man up and fight against her. But he won't. He's afraid of her for sure.

get a room

Hi Trixichic,
Firstly 50 is not an older man - 50 is the new thirty

My brotherinlaw got a council house (one bedroom) and he lives by himself. Hes 45. He was living in a "shack" on the side of a mountain.

He has diabetes and went for disability. Once he got disability he fought for the house and had one within a year.

I know its easy for me to say but - dont be worrying about your father. If hes gone from cabinet maker to taxidriver / busdriver. Gone through a separation and raised a few girls, hes a survivor and will only worry about you worrying.

trixychic

Wompa1 wrote: »

Does he have long left to keep making payments?...are the kids in college or something and that's why he has to pay?

It sounds like a pretty brutal situation. Very, very sad that he's living in a shack. You don't hear many cases like that! It sounds like he's in a really bad situation. Could he move in with any of the kids, his own family or to a halfway home?

Ok started this reply earlier and then got caught up.

Payments. When he split from mum he agreed to keep paying the mortgage. When she sold the house there was 15,000 left to pay and so that's now what he is continuing to pay for her. He also pays maintenance for my little brother. He is 16 and still in school. (The maintanence is not the problem)

Kids. There are 4 of us. I'm the eldest in my mid 20s. I live with my oh, 2 sons in a 3 bed house.I suffer from depression and GAD. It id a tight squeeze here but if it came to it I would take him in. The next one down is living in Scotland. The next one still lives with her boyfriend in his mum's house and the youngest lives with my mum.

Family. His mum is still alive and he could move back there but she lives in Dublin which means leaving us behind and leaving his job. As it is he is close enough to me and my siblings so we see him often. If he moved we wouldn't see him for long periods... which wouldn't be good for him or us.

I suppose things are maybe not as dire as I think... the joys of an anxiety disorder. But I still worry. I silently wish I could get enough money to buy our own house (we rent) and buy him a little place closer to town.

trixychic

get a room wrote: »

Hi Trixichic,
Firstly 50 is not an older man - 50 is the new thirty

My brotherinlaw got a council house (one bedroom) and he lives by himself. Hes 45. He was living in a "shack" on the side of a mountain.

He has diabetes and went for disability. Once he got disability he fought for the house and had one within a year.

I know its easy for me to say but - dont be worrying about your father. If hes gone from cabinet maker to taxidriver / busdriver. Gone through a separation and raised a few girls, hes a survivor and will only worry about you worrying.

Ha ha ha he calls himself the old man of the mountains. Ha. He really isn't that old at all.... but goes on like he is. 😉