Life Going Round in Circles

LegacyUser

I'm a 40+ female, separated for 5 years, no children, ex moved out, I'm in house by myself, mortgage in arrears, up for sale.

Everytime, I meet someone, they stay for a while then move off, I've unusual features, 4 foot 11 inches, E cup boobs, out of proportion, never had problems finding guys to date, despite not being good looking, usually they are after one thing, then they get it move on. I ended up with a reputation that never left, I ended up living in the area i grew up in, plenty of former guys i've been with, now married and look down their noses at me

I'm in a dead end job, same thing every day, i've a 'friend' who calls over once or twice a week with a chinese takeaway and bottle of wine, leaves in the morning, do not hear from him again unit the following week or if either of us gets the urge. A local guy i've known all my life

My life needs some meaning, I'm going nowhere fast, to get a good job , i need a better education, that costs money and i do not have it.

I dont know what to do with myself, I want a change but do not know where to start, where do i go from here, would love a new start but dont know how

thanks for reading

Kalimah

That's kind of sad. You need to break that cycle. It's destructive. Forget the "friend" and kick him into touch. Sign up for a course in September in something you like. If you can sell your house and have a bit of money left over start off somewhere else that no one knows you. I look like the back of a bus - no joke- but I always had an unshakeable belief in myself and never a problem with self esteem. You need to work on that. I wish you so much luck and happiness.

ahnow

I'd agree with the other poster that maybe you should stop seeing the "friend", he doesn't seem to be doing much for your self esteem at the moment.
The good thing about your life right now is that you don't have any dependents, which means you can actually do whatever you want and go in whatever direction you want to!
Have you thought about renting out your house and living somewhere else, for a complete change of scenery? Or going travelling for a while?
Or perhaps getting lodgers in with you, using that money to pay the mortage and saving up to go for education?

I also wanted to say that looks aren't eveything, but even at that, it sounds like the people you've been with the last while just aren't that nice, which has no baring on you at all. You will attract nicer people into your life who aren't just looking for one thing, but maybe start making a few changes in yourself first to make you feel better, and the rest will come.

KikiDee

Hey OP,

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

You need to start having some belief in yourself and work on your self esteem. Your weekly visitor isn't going to help with this. Get rid of him. This all seems easier said than done right? And it is. At the moment, I think you need to be a little bit selfish and look after you. You say you want to kick your life into gear yea? So write yourself a list of what you want to achieve and what you need to accomplish that list. Pin it to the fridge. Let that be your focus.

You're making a great start by seeking advice OP. I've no doubt you'll come through this

Wesser

Thanks so much for sharing that with us I'm sure it was not easy to do that. Looking at the replies which are excellent. The main theme seems to be self development and developing self love. One thing I've learnt is that until we do this, we cannot love others or gain meaningful change in ours lives. We have to sort out the internal stuff first. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your posts

It's not easy sell the house it's on the market for a good while now with no success, I'm hoping someone will buy it and clear the mortgage

Regarding my friend, everyone gives the same advice, tbh hes also a shoulder to cry on he's also gentle with me and I know it's not ideal and not helping, we both get on well, both in similar situations maybe I'm just a dreamer we're probably both stuck in our ways and will never settle down

A list is a good idea with goals

Education costs money and I've none despite working a poor paid job

Your advice is a good start

celligraphy

Sell the house , move away and start living life , growing up in home towns where you had a bad reputation is doing you no good for your confidence . Give it a few years if you do want to move back home , you 'll feel much better and won't care about what the married men think, drop that "friend" also , would you do teaching English abroad ? Are you qualified in anything

Emme

needsomedirection wrote: »

I'm a 40+ female, separated for 5 years, no children, ex moved out, I'm in house by myself, mortgage in arrears, up for sale.

Everytime, I meet someone, they stay for a while then move off, I've unusual features, 4 foot 11 inches, E cup boobs, out of proportion, never had problems finding guys to date, despite not being good looking, usually they are after one thing, then they get it move on.

Unfortunately that's fairly typical. I don't know how long you wait to sleep with these guys and that's your business. If you want to weed out the messers it might be better to wait a few dates and make sure you go out somewhere instead of staying in. It doesn't have to be expensive, a coffee or a walk instead of dinner or a movie. If they want to meet you at home for "netflix and chill" for the first or second date :rolleyes: it's a sign they might be after one thing only.

needsomedirection wrote: »

I ended up with a reputation that never left, I ended up living in the area i grew up in, plenty of former guys i've been with, now married and look down their noses at me

It's hard to shake off a reputation of any sort in Ireland and Irish people can be very judgemental, especially of women. Focus on getting the house sold and moving somewhere else and making a fresh start.

needsomedirection wrote: »

I'm in a dead end job, same thing every day, i've a 'friend' who calls over once or twice a week with a chinese takeaway and bottle of wine, leaves in the morning, do not hear from him again unit the following week or if either of us gets the urge. A local guy i've known all my life

Get rid of the "friend". He's holding you back in every way. You're better off living like a nun than having him over.

needsomedirection wrote: »

My life needs some meaning, I'm going nowhere fast, to get a good job , i need a better education, that costs money and i do not have it.

I dont know what to do with myself, I want a change but do not know where to start, where do i go from here, would love a new start but dont know how

thanks for reading

You have to take things one at a time. Get rid of the "friend" aka f-buddy. Focus on selling the house and when that's done move somewhere you can make a fresh start.
Check out Solas for a course http://www1.solas.ie/
Could you get low cost or free counselling? If so this would be very helpful to you.
If you don't get out for a walk or some other exercise every day start doing this now.

LegacyUser

hi and thanks to everyone who replied.

Its interesting everyone said to ditch my friend, to be honest, i was thinking about this, he treats me very well compared to most guys i've been with, he is not pushy or demanding, we are going away together at easter weekend its something to look forward too as well as a break, also he is good company, we went to the cinema this week, maybe there might be somehting there.

my lady friends used to call over and we end up all night drinking and it was not doing me any good

I've decided to change my life, my mother is old and i'm one of 5 girls all the others are married with kids so i'm the one who calls to my mother the most.

i'm getting a breast reduction, i always wanted one, i'm only sorry i left it so late to get one, their too big and long for my frame and any lady with big boobs knows, guys think they are public property, i booked an initial consultation and the consultant face changed when he saw them, he said why did i not consider it years ago, i'm getting a credit union loan and getting them to a b or c cup and i cannot wait new body then look for a new job, so looking forward to wearing smart cloths and looking elegant

i've joined a gym and started getting more exercise i cant wait to get my house sold and be rid of it and look at a new start in an appartment

via4

Well done you!! Please keep us updated sounds like things are looking up

listermint

I'm conflicted here.. You've not money to do a course but money for the breast reduction.

There is conflicts here on what you want and what you think you want .