Struggling with mental health - hospital or home?

LegacyUser

I don't know what I hope to achieve here. Perhaps advice / guidance / peoples experiences.

I'm going through a rough patch currently. There's a lot of stress in my life - family members ill, job not exactly secure, recent break up...

I have been diagnosed with a few psychiatric illnesses. I take medication for them. Due to ignorance on behalf of my family members (& shame on my part), my illnesses are kept secret. My business.

Currently working through some really tough things in therapy. It's impacting my day to day significantly.

In my last session with my therapist they suggested considering a stay as an inpatient in a psychiatric facility. On the whole, this wouldn't bother me. I would likely welcome the break.

However I have lots of concerns. I would likely lose my job (not constructive dismissal, just contract unlikely to be renewed), I would have to tell family members that I am mentally ill, there is still a huge stigma attached in society so I fear for the future in terms of applying for jobs that my medical history would follow me and make me unemployable. Also, I act as a part time carer for an elderly relative - if I wasn't around she would decline in health as nobody else in my family physically able to bring them to medical appointments / care for them.

I guess I'd like an outsider perspective. What would be the right thing to do? Attempt to check in to hospital and open up to my family (who have a negative opinion of anyone with mental health difficulties), or continue to try regain control in life?

Also for those that have been admitted to a psychiatric facility, what is it like?

Neyite

Mod:

Medical advice can not be given here, anyone who advises the OP in contradiction with their Health Practitioner will incur warnings.

However, you are free to discuss other aspects like the concerns the OP might have, or help with sharing experiences.

naughtysmurf

Keeping your illness secret is only adding more stress to your life, how will you look after the elderly relation properly if your not looking after yourself properly?
Put your own health first, do what's best for you, get yourself sorted, after that things should hopefully all fall into place

trixychic

naughtysmurf wrote: »

Keeping your illness secret is only adding more stress to your life, how will you look after the elderly relation properly if your not looking after yourself properly?
Put your own health first, do what's best for you, get yourself sorted, after that things should hopefully all fall into place

Couldn't agree more. I have told my family of my illness and they couldn't be less supportive. But I don't care. I tend to keep me to me with them. There is still a stigma surrounding mental illness but in my experience it's beginning to wane.

Have a look at the anxiety and depressionthread maybe??? We're all a little mad there... as they say. Ha ha.

And remember you know what's best for you. And you are number one. If you want to help others you need to be in the right place personally. Help yourself first. Then you can fix the world.... Or just the family.

Ryan Mac Sweeney

Hi
I have read your post. I am so sorry to hear of your current situation. Yes it sounds like a very tough time in your life at the moment with the added stress of caring for an elderly relative. So my advice would be to always put yourself first, if your family are the type who dont care which is disgraceful so you should just looke after yourself and if you need to talk just talk to your threapist about it. You can also attend counselling just contact your GP and ask for a refferal. You can also contact Pieta House and speak to a counsellor there about things.

LegacyUser

Neyite wrote: »

Mod:

Medical advice can not be given here, anyone who advises the OP in contradiction with their Health Practitioner will incur warnings.

However, you are free to discuss other aspects like the concerns the OP might have, or help with sharing experiences.

Thanks Neyite. Just to confirm - not looking for medical advice. Meds 100% under control currently, just looking for others experiences / advice on what to do in a crappy situation.

naughtysmurf wrote: »

Keeping your illness secret is only adding more stress to your life, how will you look after the elderly relation properly if your not looking after yourself properly?
Put your own health first, do what's best for you, get yourself sorted, after that things should hopefully all fall into place

I am getting myself sorted in that I'm checking in with my GP, seeing my therapist, keeping in the loop with my psych, taking my meds, eating well, exercising... I'm doing everything they say, and externally I look fine. But internally I'm not. I woke at 5 this morning to a big anxiety attack.

As it stands, I feel it would be more stressful to inform my family of my illness. Due to the nature of the diagnosis, it would open up a lot of questions that I don't feel ready to answer currently. My GP, psych and therapist all agree that currently the best option is to keep things quiet for the time being with regards my family. There are lots of reasons for this.

trixychic wrote: »

Couldn't agree more. I have told my family of my illness and they couldn't be less supportive. But I don't care. I tend to keep me to me with them. There is still a stigma surrounding mental illness but in my experience it's beginning to wane.

Have a look at the anxiety and depressionthread maybe??? We're all a little mad there... as they say. Ha ha.

And remember you know what's best for you. And you are number one. If you want to help others you need to be in the right place personally. Help yourself first. Then you can fix the world.... Or just the family.

I used to hang out on the anxiety/depression thread, but then things started to get a bit weird. Now that the new charter is in place it might be easier.

I don't think my family can ever be fixed though

Ryan Mac Sweeney wrote: »

Hi
I have read your post. I am so sorry to hear of your current situation. Yes it sounds like a very tough time in your life at the moment with the added stress of caring for an elderly relative. So my advice would be to always put yourself first, if your family are the type who dont care which is disgraceful so you should just looke after yourself and if you need to talk just talk to your threapist about it. You can also attend counselling just contact your GP and ask for a refferal. You can also contact Pieta House and speak to a counsellor there about things.

I'm 100% happy with my therapist and don't think it would be beneficial seeing a different counsellor currently. Also, from what I've heard/read, it's not advised to see more than one therapist at a time. I've a very good therapeutic relationship with my therapist. It's just a ridiculously stressful time in life, mixed with a ridiculously tough subject we're discussing in therapy currently.



I'm waiting to hear back from my psych as to what her opinion is in terms of whether hospitalisation would be an option. Previously, she said she doesn't think that it would be beneficial for me due to my diagnosis. As I'm not actively engaged in any destructive behaviour or a risk to my own safety, I'm not a priority for urgent care.

If I could describe it in any way its that I wish that the world would stop for a few days, and that I could take a break and not have to be involved in life. It's almost like I want to be a child again - be told what to do, when to do it, what to eat, when to sleep...

I'm also curious if anyone else has had experience as an inpatient in a hospital, and what kind of environment it is in terms of day to day routines, what resources are available in terms of therapy etc... I have tried to google but most results are for the USA/UK and there's a lot of conflicting info out there in terms of what prohibited items are allowed (phone chargers, laptops).

Once again - not looking for advice on whether to go to hospital - I will take advice from my medical team on that. More just looking for others experiences and advice in how decisions were made, if possible.

Thanks.

naughtysmurf

OK OP, you seem to be doing a lot right, engaging fully with the medics, eating well, exercise etc, I understand what you mean when saying you would like the world to stop for a few days, maybe you do need a break & if that is what the medics suggest, then take it, don't not do it because you feel you are letting someone down, it's only temporary, what would happen if you broke a leg, you'd have to take a break then so why not treat your mental health the same as your physical health

I only have experience as a visitor to one mental health unit but on many occasions, it seemed to me that their resources are really stretched but if it gives you the break you need, if you need it, then that's whats needed

Best of luck

Neyite

QuestioningLife wrote: »

Thanks Neyite. Just to confirm - not looking for medical advice. Meds 100% under control currently, just looking for others experiences / advice on what to do in a crappy situation.

I know It was more a gentle reminder for newer posters who might inadvertently contravene the charter. The regulars on here know the score but it can be tricky for newcomers to know where the line is.

Ellie2008

I have been in a psy hospital. My employer knew why I was off work & they were very supportive, which may be unusual. At the time I thought it was completely useless, I was bored out of my tree for long periods, there s nothing to do except random primary school like activities which I wasn't into. However, when I look back I think I needed the break at the time & if nothing else it is a time out from life, a chance to just get away from it all, like a retreat in a way.

howyanow

I understand the difficulties you face re family and career but consider that this hospital stay may resolve these issues in future.You may get a far more positive reaction than you think
You need to think of yourself long term and try and park the possible reactions of others as this is your life and you need to do what you think is best.
I was in a private mental health facility myself and found it excellent.I really did benefit from being away from outside life and could concentrate on understanding my emotions and learning what is good for me.
I was allowed bring phone/laptop etc and they just said if any body is contacting me and causing me stress i.e financial institutions for example that they would speak to these people and ask for space.
Hopefully this helps and if you want any more information ill be glad to help.
I wish you well

dublinman101

I was once feared I would have to go into hospital cause I was struggling.
The doctor said you are unlikely to ever need that because you have family support around you. I do have support around me, people who know my problem and try to help. Their help isn't always helpful. People tend to offer the solution that would work for them or that is important from their point of view but really, your problems, your solutions. Your solutions will always be tailored to you.
The doctor was right. I think the support around me meant I didn't need hospital.
I think the only thing you should think about is whether you could get something in hospital that you can't get outside. If you have a doctor and a psychiatrist on the outside, you might feel that is enough for you. Also you can bounce off them whether they think you should go inside.
You will survive and thrive, in time!

triona1

My husband is currently just back in hospital recently he's been in 5 different hospital over the years and they all differ in routine if you could say where you can go I might be able to advise if I no the hospital,but we have learned over the years that if a unit/bed is offered to take it you need the break hospital's need the beds as good as his psyche maybe she didn't listen and he went in by ambulance in the end.Take the break take the bed and be good to yourself.And just to add you can get help for the person you care for while you are in getting better they offer care workers.but just ask first I was only offered last week after almost 6 years of trying to keep everything together,And your voluntary you can sign yourself out if it makes you unhappy.

Rubberchikken

i can't give you any advice based on experience, but i would say your mental health is a greater issue than whether family/work know or not.
think how long term it would impact on your life if not dealt with correctly and sooner rather than later.

the only shame regarding mental health is the person who treats another person differently just because of a mental health issue.
we're all only a short step away from any health issue mental or physical and showing support and understanding goes a long way.

please don't let what others may think stop you looking after yourself.

nkav86

I'm currently struggling with a mental health issue, kept it quiet for a lot of years from everyone in my life, I'm the kinda person that just says, ah ye I'm grand just tired, but I've really been crying most of the day. I recently came to a point where I couldn't hide it anymore, it started to affect every aspect of my life. So I had to tell my friends and family, the thought of what they would say and the feeling of being considered weak for not just being able to handle things made me worse, but they couldn't have been better, they knew something was up but not to the extent it was, they've been incredibly supportive and understanding. I know my situation maybe isn't as extreme as yours, maybe not yet lol, but I'm of the mind that people can really surprise you, it's always worth getting things off your chest. You're doing what's right for you and I commend you for it. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your responses folks. Will try address them now.

Ellie2008 wrote: »

I have been in a psy hospital. My employer knew why I was off work & they were very supportive, which may be unusual. At the time I thought it was completely useless, I was bored out of my tree for long periods, there s nothing to do except random primary school like activities which I wasn't into. However, when I look back I think I needed the break at the time & if nothing else it is a time out from life, a chance to just get away from it all, like a retreat in a way.

There have been several high-ish profile incidents involving staff and mental health issues in my place of work. Nothing was ever written down, and everything came from a "supportive" place, however I have seen first hand that people in my place of work who have ended up taking time off for mental health have been overlooked for promotions, contracts haven't been extended, and in some cases, their access to work has been denied. The work environment itself isn't stressing me though, and I'm still productive in work and I'm still functioning and I'm alright in the situation, I just fear what may happen should I take time off from life.

Primary school activities sound like fun though!

howyanow wrote: »

I understand the difficulties you face re family and career but consider that this hospital stay may resolve these issues in future.You may get a far more positive reaction than you think
You need to think of yourself long term and try and park the possible reactions of others as this is your life and you need to do what you think is best.
I was in a private mental health facility myself and found it excellent.I really did benefit from being away from outside life and could concentrate on understanding my emotions and learning what is good for me.
I was allowed bring phone/laptop etc and they just said if any body is contacting me and causing me stress i.e financial institutions for example that they would speak to these people and ask for space.
Hopefully this helps and if you want any more information ill be glad to help.
I wish you well

A family member previously was admitted into a psychiatric facility and they, essentially, have been excommunicated. That's not a step that I feel willing to take - I'm not ready to say goodbye to my family. Despite them being really tough to deal with, there are some of them that I do like and I know wouldn't judge me, however the other members have larger personalities and tend to get their own way. They don't discriminate - they feel the same about physical illness. A cousin of mine ended up with peritonitis after a burst appendix as her parents refused to accept she needed medical help...

What kind of access did you have to therapists / groups / psychiatric nurses? Is it a 24/7 thing or do you have to wait until set sessions? Are things decided for you, in the sense that you have a set routine? I can't cope with decisions at the moment.

dublinman101 wrote: »

I was once feared I would have to go into hospital cause I was struggling.
The doctor said you are unlikely to ever need that because you have family support around you. I do have support around me, people who know my problem and try to help. Their help isn't always helpful. People tend to offer the solution that would work for them or that is important from their point of view but really, your problems, your solutions. Your solutions will always be tailored to you.
The doctor was right. I think the support around me meant I didn't need hospital.
I think the only thing you should think about is whether you could get something in hospital that you can't get outside. If you have a doctor and a psychiatrist on the outside, you might feel that is enough for you. Also you can bounce off them whether they think you should go inside.
You will survive and thrive, in time!

Thanks - will wait and see what my medical team says and take their advice on board.

triona1 wrote: »

My husband is currently just back in hospital recently he's been in 5 different hospital over the years and they all differ in routine if you could say where you can go I might be able to advise if I no the hospital,but we have learned over the years that if a unit/bed is offered to take it you need the break hospital's need the beds as good as his psyche maybe she didn't listen and he went in by ambulance in the end.Take the break take the bed and be good to yourself.And just to add you can get help for the person you care for while you are in getting better they offer care workers.but just ask first I was only offered last week after almost 6 years of trying to keep everything together,And your voluntary you can sign yourself out if it makes you unhappy.

I remember reading some of your previous posts. I'm sorry that things are still so difficult for you. I hope that you managed to find some support for yourself in the tough situation you are in.

I haven't been offered a bed - I'm waiting to see what my psych thinks. I'm still on the fence though as to whether hospital would be the right option for me currently.

Rubberchikken wrote: »

i can't give you any advice based on experience, but i would say your mental health is a greater issue than whether family/work know or not.
think how long term it would impact on your life if not dealt with correctly and sooner rather than later.

the only shame regarding mental health is the person who treats another person differently just because of a mental health issue.
we're all only a short step away from any health issue mental or physical and showing support and understanding goes a long way.

please don't let what others may think stop you looking after yourself.

I've been dealing with my mental health (or lackthereof :P ) for over 20 years. I've weathered many storms alone. This one can be weathered also, preferably without input from my family or their knowledge of my situation.



It's not just about protecting myself. It's about protecting others too. Like most families we have our secrets, our skeletons in the closet. I know there is never an exact reason behind why people develop mental health issues, however there are triggers. If my family got wind of my various diagnoses they would question why I'm triggered by certain things - and they're not my stories to tell. It could potentially get a lot of people in trouble, and that's not something I'm willing to do.

I know that ultimately I have a duty of care to myself, and if my psychiatrist recommends that I take a little time as an inpatient then I will, of course, give it due care and consideration. However I would prefer to do everything in my power to try solve these problems outside of an inpatient facility.

Thank you all for taking time to reply though. It's giving me plenty of food for thought.

howyanow

I went 3 years ago so hopefully i have the details correct for you.
I was assigned a multi diciplinary team of about 7 different professionals headed up bu psychiatrist.
Week 1 was pretty much left alone to settle in and allow my mind to slow down and relax.had a nurse in my ward assigned to me if i needed to speak to anyone and saw psychiatrist twice in the first week.always someone available to you if you needed to speak with anyone
After that basically i met with various people from the team plus group sessions/lectures each day.
Medication was there if i needed it.
Gym available plus yoga/musical therapy and various classes like that.
Had to rush this as at work but will add anything else that pops up

trixychic

QuestioningLife wrote: »

I've been dealing with my mental health (or lackthereof :P ) for over 20 years. I've weathered many storms alone. This one can be weathered also, preferably without input from my family or their knowledge of my situation.

You sound like you have a bright and
Strong head on your shoulders. You know what you have to do and that's a great start.

Some say that's half the battle and maybe it is. I personally find it does help to know but it won't make the journey any easier.

But you sound like you have done this before. So you know what your facing and more importantly you know that you are well able for it. Life wants to throw stuff at you and you have done an amazing job at telling the "path to hell" to take a hike.

Trust in yourself. You really sound so intune. It's a quality many would envy. Best of luck to you.

LegacyUser

So I suppose a bit of an update is in order.

I spoke to my psych, who thinks that admission would not necessarily be a bad thing, as I would have access to a lot more support than I do on the outside, and that hospital could give me the break that I need.

However she won't make the decision for me - the decision has to come from me. Which I suppose is fair enough, just a really tough one to have to make.

I have spent hours upon hours going over every possible pro and con to admission. I mean I have pages of scrawling arguments, counter arguments and counter counter arguments. I think I missed my calling in the legal profession - I could argue for Ireland.

I'm currently leaning towards wanting to be admitted, however there are some practical considerations to bear in mind with regards work, ensuring family members looked after, and other stupid reasons. One being that I am heavily involved in an upcoming charity event that I don't want to miss. Stupid reason perhaps, but I have been working on it for over a year...

I do have lots and lots of questions though. I see that there is an option to call the hospital for a chat - would they be the people I should direct my questions to? They're practical questions rather than non-answerable questions.

I know I'm overthinking, but I'd like to have as much possible information before I make any concrete decisions. Prepare for every possible eventuality. I mean, this will impact my entire life. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.

Thanks again for all of your words. Very comforting.

LegacyUser

I was admitted to a private psych hospital a few years ago. The reason was different, I was having severe side effects from medication, it made me suicidal, and somewhere in the depths of my head I knew this wasn't the right step to take. So I asked to be referred for admission, immediately.
It wasn't a cure all. I didn't have access 24/7 to therapy and a psychiatrist, these are scheduled.
I ended up on more medication than I gone in on, which in hindsight maybe wasn't the best thing for me.

Since recovering and coming off all medication I can think back more clearly now. I did need admission at that time because I was afraid I would be a danger to myself. The talk therapy I had access to helped hugely. The extra medication, not so much.

One issue I do want to make you aware of is that I have to declare admission to hospital on things like life assurance applications, and also for medicals for jobs etc. The life assurance attached to my mortgage is weighted rather heavily thanks to the hospital admission. As the insurance broker told me, they're not too bothered about mental health diagnoses but admission to hospital is handled differently. I've had to explain the protracted sick leave from my job at the time with medical reports, it's tedious but not a huge deal if you don't mind being honest about it, which you will have to be. It will be on record.

You may find a stay in hospital helps you which is the main aim. I just want you to be aware that hospitalisation will be flagged on your medical history in future.

Also, if it's a private hospital, be aware that the shortest stay is usually 5-6 weeks. You don't generally go in and out within a fortnight or so.

LegacyUser

OP, it sounds like a good idea to ring the hospital, and ask the practical questions, as you have said.
You are absolutely right, it is a big decision, and you are right to think it through, and get as much information, as you can. The chat with the hospital should be helpful, in that respect.

I have no advice for you, but just to reiterate something that was said to me recently, in the context of health, 'look after yourself first'. Not always easy, as I well know.

I wish you all the best.

howyanow

QuestioningLife wrote: »

So I suppose a bit of an update is in order.

I spoke to my psych, who thinks that admission would not necessarily be a bad thing, as I would have access to a lot more support than I do on the outside, and that hospital could give me the break that I need.

However she won't make the decision for me - the decision has to come from me. Which I suppose is fair enough, just a really tough one to have to make.

I have spent hours upon hours going over every possible pro and con to admission. I mean I have pages of scrawling arguments, counter arguments and counter counter arguments. I think I missed my calling in the legal profession - I could argue for Ireland.

I'm currently leaning towards wanting to be admitted, however there are some practical considerations to bear in mind with regards work, ensuring family members looked after, and other stupid reasons. One being that I am heavily involved in an upcoming charity event that I don't want to miss. Stupid reason perhaps, but I have been working on it for over a year...

I do have lots and lots of questions though. I see that there is an option to call the hospital for a chat - would they be the people I should direct my questions to? They're practical questions rather than non-answerable questions.

I know I'm overthinking, but I'd like to have as much possible information before I make any concrete decisions. Prepare for every possible eventuality. I mean, this will impact my entire life. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.

Thanks again for all of your words. Very comforting.

I forgot to add that the hospital I was in allows you to return home for weekends after a few weeks depending on how well you are doing. Inform them in advance about this event. I would visit the facility in person if I were if it were possible, might help you make your mind up.
I wish you well

LegacyUser

my experience wrote: »

One issue I do want to make you aware of is that I have to declare admission to hospital on things like life assurance applications, and also for medicals for jobs etc. The life assurance attached to my mortgage is weighted rather heavily thanks to the hospital admission. As the insurance broker told me, they're not too bothered about mental health diagnoses but admission to hospital is handled differently. I've had to explain the protracted sick leave from my job at the time with medical reports, it's tedious but not a huge deal if you don't mind being honest about it, which you will have to be. It will be on record.

I don't want to put you off in any way being admitted to hospital, but I think if you are weighing it up v outpatient treatment, you should take the above into account. That is in no way to suggest that you shouldn't have a stay in hospital, if you believe it is needed. After all, what use are 'what ifs' about jobs/mortgages, if you don't have good mental health. But I think it is something to be considered, if you aren't too sure which way to go. Unfortunately, having a stay in hospital for mental health issues does have financial consequences, for many years. I'm not saying that's right, but that's the way it is.

mmooney1983

Hospital admission is only really indicated for primary mental illness, such as severe depressive disorder, disabling anxiety or panic, OCD, or any of the psychotic disorders.
For other issues, there would be little benefit if someone was suffering from e.g. a personality disorder - apart from perhaps a placebo effect of going somewhere for a rest and some holistic TLC. Wouldn't do much in the long term that can't be done in the community with a good psychotherapist.

BPD_Patient

I remembered that I had registered on this account previously to maintain anonymity from my regular boards account. As I can't find a way to post anonymously from the mobile site, I hope it's okay that I post here.

Not going to lie, the thoughts of having to declare it at medical stages of future jobs, life assurance, mortgage applications... Scares me. It's something I was aware of anyway, but it would put me off.

And now for the rant...

mmooney1983 wrote: »

Hospital admission is only really indicated for primary mental illness, such as severe depressive disorder, disabling anxiety or panic, OCD, or any of the psychotic disorders.
For other issues, there would be little benefit if someone was suffering from e.g. a personality disorder - apart from perhaps a placebo effect of going somewhere for a rest and some holistic TLC. Wouldn't do much in the long term that can't be done in the community with a good psychotherapist.

I think that's a pretty ignorant response tbh.

For example. You mention personality disorders. Yes, that is one of my diagnoses. Borderline personality disorder. The "gold standard" of treatment for BPD is DBT therapy. Good luck trying to access DBT therapy in the community. It's pretty much a postcode lottery as to whether you're eligible for it, and the service is so chronically underfunded that there is about a 2 year wait to access even the assessment stage. Two years is a very long time for anyone to wait for treatment.

I did a *lot* of research and sourced private DBT. It was helpful but prohibitively expensive. I worked hard and made huge strides in my recovery. For example, upon entering the program I was actively engaged in very self destructive behaviour. Since completing it, this behaviour has DRASTICALLY reduced.

My psychiatrist is eager to get me onto a DBT program, which can be accessed as an inpatient in the hospital she wants to refer me to. I don't think she is referring me for the placebo effect. Sure if the placebo effect worked on personality disorder patients why not just give us all sugar pills and tell us they're some brand new medication?!

A placebo effect of an inpatient stay for personality disorder patients is a very insulting thing to say, IMO. Many personality disorders co-exist with other psychiatric illnesses. For example, my own diagnosis is BPD with a complex case of PTSD, chronic anxiety, low mood & mild psychosis in the form of delusions and auditory hallucinations. Yesterday I spent a lot of the day laughing at jokes that nobody else could hear.

Am I diagnosed with BPD because of the other illnesses? Or am I more prone to the other illnesses because of my BPD?

Is it my BPD that my psychiatrist thinks I need an inpatient stay for? Who cares. She is a very well respected doctor in her field and has a very good understanding of my health issues. If she thinks that I will get a relief from the absolutely un-****ing-describable stress that I am under currently, and that will, in turn, have a positive outcome on my life, who cares?!

And as for your thoughts that anything done in a hospital can be done with a good therapist outside of it, I'm guessing you haven't had much, if any, interaction with the community psych services.

My diagnosis is simply that. A diagnosis. I don't let it rule nor ruin my life. It doesn't define me. It stops me in my tracks sometimes and makes me think "is this my illness speaking?" But it doesn't take over.

However the anxiety attacks I am experiencing. The flashbacks to the horrific sexual abuse I was a victim of. Flashbacks so intense that I sometimes vomit when I think of them. Flashbacks so intense that they stop me from having a "normal" life in many senses. The auditory hallucinations that I respond to out loud even though nobody else can hear. The low mood that makes it so incredibly difficult to accept a compliment without it inducing an anxiety attack? The belief, at times, that I am a character in a television show and that everyone around me are hired actors to make the show more interesting. Ringing my friends at 4o'clock in the morning in a blind panic to see whether or not what I'm experiencing is real or imaginary. The memory loss that is so ridiculous that I need to write down every single thing that I do in a day so that I can check back in the middle of the night to confirm if something happened. The inability to decipher between real conversations and imagined conversations with friends. The impulsive behaviour that I often forget - waking up to the postman delivering a pair of shoes I ordered online with no memory of doing. I wish this was an isolated incident - it really isn't. The other aspect of things that Boards charter prevents me from discussing (& rightly so!).

They're things that I, unfortunately, do allow to rule my life. They're things that, despite lots and lots of medication, I cannot rationalise in my head. The medication helps - yes. I see my psych regularly. I see my GP between psych visits. I see my therapist pretty much every week. Sometimes twice a week. This has been my situation for the past 5 years. Which I would consider long term in the community. And there has been zero improvement.

I'm not singling you out here. But the attitude that you have unfortunately exists amongst many people. People see a personality disorder diagnosis and steer clear.

I have BPD. It doesn't rule my life. I have a degree. I have a PhD. I have a full time job. I am starting a masters in September. I have many social outlets and hobbies. I have lots of friends. I date. I enjoy life. But I work very ****ing hard to do all of these things, and to see it dismissed in an off-the-cuff comment, really grinds my gears.

If it was as simple as going off somewhere for a rest and holistic TLC do you not think I'd already be booked on a retreat to some Caribbean island? I have tried the holidays away. Believe me. They don't work.

For me, hospital is a last ditch attempt to gain some control over the parts of my life that I cannot control.

And even then, I still can't make the decision.

mmooney1983

In fairness, you didn't mention your diagnosis. You asked what the indications for hospital admission would be. So I gave a fairly general response.
Your reply indicates that you would definitely benefit from DBT. If it's not available through your community outpatients', then by all means use the private route to access it. Good luck.

BPD_Patient

mmooney1983 wrote: »

In fairness, you didn't mention your diagnosis. You asked what the indications for hospital admission would be. So I gave a fairly general response.
Your reply indicates that you would definitely benefit from DBT. If it's not available through your community outpatients', then by all means use the private route to access it. Good luck.

I didn't mention my diagnosis because it's usually greeted with a sweeping generalised reaction similar to yours.

I never asked what the indications for a hospital admission would be. I trust my psychiatrists opinion on that. I asked for advice on whether it would be worth going for admission, given the barriers that are in place, and I asked for people's experiences inside the facility so that I could weigh up, logically and reasonably, how much different the support network would be with my current set up and how it would be in hospital. Whether I would have more access to doctors, therapists etc than I do currently, and whether it could be potentially helpful.

Regardless of my diagnosis, the exception I took was your opinion / sweeping statement that hospital stays for personality disorders is only a placebo effect. It, IMO, shows a lack of understanding of personality disorders and how many other psychiatric disorders can co-exist with personality disorders. Also, I don't think any psychiatrist would refer a patient into the inpatient facility for ****s and giggles just for the placebo effect.

I apologise if this seems like an attack on you. It is not intended to. I just took offence to the generalisations that many work hard to overcome. Nobody in my life, bar my closest friends, know that I have a BPD diagnosis. It's so misunderstood.

mmooney1983

Ah. So, as you know, the only real evidence for beneficial treatment in BPD (or as we now call it- EUPD) is dialectical behavioural therapy. That should be delivered on an outpatient i.e. non acute basis but if it was the case you needed an inpatient admission to access it then I suppose that's the conundrum.
I would be wary of it as like I said (without meaning to offend by using the term placebo effect) what would you get out of admission when you're not doing the DBT? Applying your skills to the stresses and strains of daily life, as well as not being overly dependent on health care providers is part of the DBT contract.
If your psychiatrist hasn't 100% recommended you need inpatient admission I'm pretty sure they don't think you need it. If you aren't having medicine changed or titrated or are acutely suicidal I'm not sure why you would unless, like you say, DBT is only offered to inpatients.
From your posts I would guess you are psychologically minded and would do well at DBT, which is tough going at times. So best of luck with it whatever you choose.

LegacyUser

Hi,

For what it's worth, I want to say I really admire you for keeping the fight going. I know how incredibly difficult it is. I've been there with the self-destructive stuff. I know the sheer effort it takes, superhuman at times, to keep things going, and how desperately isolating it is when you can't share with friends / family the challenges you face every day.

You sound like an incredibly intelligent person, and obviously I can't advise you whether to go for the inpatient programme or not. I'm sure you've looked at the evidence yourself. It is a really shi**ty decision to have to make. It is the fault of our health system, that does not adequately provide these services in the community. I guess skills wise, radical acceptance of the unfairness of the situation is what i would be doing now (if I can take the liberty to suggest that.)

Hang in there OP. There are many of us, and we deserve better, but in the meantime, we must deal with the unfair, inequitable hand of cards presented to us, and the lack of understanding that personality disorders are not untreatable.

Molly999

I don't know what barriers you perceive to be in place. You are sick. You need to be in hospital. End of. I myself am going in soon. Am looking forward to getting away from life for a while. What are your alternatives? Continue as you are?