Pet problems

LegacyUser

This is a trivial problem I know compared to others here but it's really getting me down.

My OH wanted a dog for the last few years as he used to have dogs before we got together, so after much pressure from him, we finally got one a while back. (I love dogs anyway but was being more practical about what would be involved) We had to opt for a smaller dog due to where we live however my OH used to have bigger gun dogs previously.

A year and a half down the line and he has taken a dislike to the dog as he said the dog is hard to train and won't take orders from him. Granted, he's not the most intelligent little fella, but I think it's just that he is a different breed from what my OH is used to, and he is very lovable. He has picked up some commands but tends to not obey others and do his own thing. My OH gets frustrated and raises his voice to the dog who in turn shrinks away from him, which upsets my OH more. I have tried telling him it's his tone of voice and body language that the dog picks up on, but he was used to training his other dogs in a certain way and it always worked with them.

I find myself stuck between the two of them with each walk full of tension waiting for the dog to disobey his commands. As far as I am concerned walks are supposed to be enjoyable for both the owners and the pet but this is not happening with us! My OH is now washing his hands of him and said that I can look after him, however while I love the little fella I wouldn't have gotten him only for the pressure my OH put on me and I think it's unfair on a pet to have one owner who dislikes him.

The only other solution I can see is to find the dog a nice home with kids where he would be happier. I would really hate to see him go but I can't live with the tension in the house. Can anyone offer a solution to this problem?

SAMTALK

Would you consider getting a professional trainer?
To be honest it doesnt sound as if your OH really likes the dog anyway which is sad and no place for the dog.

If you cannot see yourself getting rid of him I would definetly consider the trainer route

Buona Fortuna

What does your OH say in all this? He wanted a dog, it hasn't worked out, what is his solution?

Maybe I pick it up wrong from reading your OP, but your OH comes across as very childish.

"I want a dog", "I want a dog", "I want a dog" - OK here's a dog.

"The dog won't do what I say - you look after it." Really?

charlietheminxx

This is going to sound like a weird perspective, but is this someone you might want to start a family with down the line OP? I realise dogs and children are very different but his attitude isn't loving and the fact he's dumping all the responsibility on you is pretty horrible. I would not want to have children with someone that has that sort of attitude to a living thing. Just something to consider.

You have to put the dog first and do what's best for it.
If he's being horrible to the dog, it might not be the best environment for it. Though it's not nice to have to re-home a dog either.

Cocolola

No actual real advice for you OP but there's a great sub forum here that could be of great help. There's no anonymous posting though, just in case that might be an issue for you.

Best of luck with it, it sounds very tough. Personally as a dog lover myself, I feel for the poor thing, being fearful or anxious of owners is no way for a dog to have to live imo. There are plenty of training techniques that revolve around a more positive-based approach but I'm not sure if your OH sounds like he'd be open to changing his ways.

I'd lean more towards recommending that you get a good qualified behaviourist out to your home for a session or two, it could do wonders for your lives. The Animals and Pet forum has a fantastic set of regular posters who would be more than happy to give some recommendations based on your general location as well as some better advice than I can give.

intheclouds

I think your OH sounds like a spoilt child.

When you take on an animal you dont have any control over the individual personality, temperment or little quirks that come with that animal. They are all different. A bit like people.

We have one cat who would spit at you when you walk past and one who loves all over you all the time. They couldnt be more different.

It sounds like your BF is now throwing a strop because he is not capable of training the dog properly, in a manner that this individual dog will respond to, but rather than admit that he is the issue, its the dog who is the problem.

And now he is frightening the dog and pushing the responsibility of the pet onto you.

It all sounds very nasty and I think it would be better for the dog to be rehomed with a family who would not be treating it that way.

Id also be thinking twice about his approach to living things.

Icaras

It's a pretty disgraceful attitude. If that's his reaction when things go wrong he's not ready to be a grown up.

Rekop dog

Very strange, sounds like he's more interested in being in full control of something, if he had any love for animals he wouldn't act this way. A bit disconcerting, surely this attitude spills over to non dog ownership related things?

orthsquel

You need to hold your partner to his responsibility with the dog, both for the dog's sake and for his. Just because it has been harder to train the dog and just because the dog probably needs to be trained differently than how your partner is used to training a dog, it doesn't mean the dog should be let down like this. For your partner's own sake he needs to be held to his responsibility because he may feel guilty for letting the dog down and this might prevent him from making further commitments that involve responsibility or being less rigid or being open to suggestion in how to deal with something... especially when there may be more than one way to deal with a problem than the way he knows or has relied upon in the past.

I think the best course of action would be to get a recommended dog trainer that will work with all of you and correct the problems in the relationship between the dog and your partner.

If you are lumped with the responsibility, where will this leave you and the dog should a situation arise where the dog is ill or where taking care of him requires both of you to act in the dog's interest in after care of surgery for example, or in dealing with a change of behaviour in the dog? Is that all going to be you and your partner is not to have a part in it? Is your partner going to insist on trying things his way and just giving up on the dog when his way (and not necessarily the right or only way applicable) doesn't work?

On a wider side - is your partner generally someone who gives up easily when he hits a stumbling block? Is he someone who only sees his way of doing things or is he open to dealing with things using different methods?
In addition I think it's a fair question given the amount of pressure you were put under to get a dog, is there a trait in your partner, a pattern of behaviour whereby he longs after something, talks about it non stop, uses resources to get it and then after a short while he loses interest in it (either due to never really having a genuine interest in it but it is a "want" or because it is more difficult/involves more work than expected)?

If this situation with the dog is an isolated situation and generally not the norm for your partner then it is probably best that both of you get the trainer in as a solution and work together asap. I think it would be best to do it now because I'd worry that the situation would deteriorate to the point that your partner is more resistant to the idea of a solution and feels resentful towards the dog because of his own inability to manage it coupled with his guilt in failing the dog completely. You want to achieve the best possible outcome which is that your partner and the dog are best pals again and that he responds to commands and everyone, dog included are happy. And if that isn't achievable by your partner taking responsibility and doing what is in the best interest of the dog then I think providing the dog with a better home with a more responsible owner is the next best thing (as opposed to staying with you but with another human who can't stand it). And from that I would never agree ever for another pet of any kind if he is going to be incapable of following through on his responsibility.

RhubarbCrumble

OP, I get the feeling from reading your post that your little dog is a real 'pet' dog and that your partner's previous dogs have all been 'working' dogs as you mentioned that he has had gun dogs etc before. You mentioned that he says the dog is too hard to train and I think that seems to be what the problem is. His previous dogs were all working dogs and trained to do what they were told on command etc. Working dogs are definitely a totally different breed to pet dogs. They don't tend to be as friendly and they seem to know that they are they as workers and not as loving pets.
I grew up on a farm which had sheepdogs/collies etc and the majority of them over the years were like that. They weren't dogs that would play with you or be affectionate etc.

I don't think he realises that not all dogs are like that and the majority of pet dogs will probably learn a few commands like sit, stay, beg etc, but mostly want love and affection and in that way they really differ to working dogs.

ShaShaBear

For the sake of the dog, I think re-homing would be the best option. His attitude and taking frustrations out on the dog could end very, very badly if the poor thing eventually gets fed up of being shouted at and might decide to fight back. I imagine your partner would sentence the dog to death if that were the case and you might find it a lot harder to re-home the dog safely in time.

A qualified trainer might be an option, but only if your partner is willing to explore other methods of training a dog. Shouting, slaps and punishments is rarely the way to go, and even less so with a pet than with a working dog. In reward-based training, you can train with treats, toys or affection. It all depends on what a dog loves most. My dog LOVES food. He would do ANYTHING for a treat, and would go even further for the right treat. AKA you would probably get him to sit for a second for a nugget of his dog food, but he would win a medal for the best sit in the world if you asked him to do it for chicken
My last boy was all about pleasing - his reward was always affection.
If your partner would be willing to find out what kind of learner your dog is and re-approach training with that in mind, then by all means meet with a behaviorist. If he believes his way should work or the dog isn't worth looking after, then I'm afraid it's him that is the problem and the dog is better off in a different home

coolcat63

Dump the boyfriend. Keep the dog.

Rubberchikken

your oh needs to think this through.
hewanted a dog. the little fella has been with you for over a year. it seems extreme to expect from an ordinary pet what a working dog may be able to give, and the thought that this little dog is getting fearful of raised voices is upseting.
your oh is an adult and is responsible for his actions. get him to make a decision about what is best for an animal that he is responsible for.

good luck

piperh

I would normally advocate for a trainer but in this instance I think rehoming is the best option and if rehoming the bf is not an option then finding the dog a loving home as soon as possible is the way forward. Your boyfriend is already creating issues where the dog becomes nervous and this could get worse causing long-term problems for the dog.

I think maybe not enough research was done into the dogs breeding and traits meaning your bf expected something different. You can get smaller breeds that are workers but I would not advise getting another dog until your bf has grown up a bit and realises dogs aren't despensible, otherwise you could find yourself back in this situation.