I want to sleep with other people and feel guilty

LegacyUser

I have a bit of a personal issue. Im sure most people will just see it as simple at straight forward but to me it is not.

I am 22 and have been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years. She was the first person I have ever slept with. I love her so much and I feel as though we were quite literally made for each other. There is just one problem. I regret that I will never have the chance to sleep around more.

I feel like there is something missing from my life, to me it feels horrible to think that I will never in my whole life get to experience what its like to be with different women. What different breasts, vaginas and bums are like. What different girls are like at doing different things and all of that kind of stuff. It makes me feel genuinely sad.

It was something that has been in the back of my mind for quite a while, but a few months ago things got very bad between us and we were having little sex and almost broke up. Thats when it became more of a 'thing' for me.

The fact that my girlfriend slept with others before me has no relevance to it. But I did talk to her about it, and although she regrets having slept with who she did before me, she does understand. She is afraid that it is something that will become a bigger issue for me over time. She suggested that if I was really bothered then we should break up and hopefully be back together after I have gotten over this stuff, or she even suggested that I have a 'hallcard' so to speak.

I personally would not be able to do either of those. To me it seems that both of those options are basically cheating and I couldnt risk hurting her like that.

Has anyone else ever felt like this and did they get over it? How should I deal with it?

magicmushroom

OK, the way I see it is you have 2 options.

1. You accept that this is just a curiosity you will always have but never act upon. You always wonder and possibly end up regretting it. Or you may not regret it, depending on how fulfilling your current relationship is.

You mentioned that there was a period when your sex life was lacking with the current GF - honestly, at 22 years of age, that's a concern.

2. You can take your girlfriend up on her offer of taking a break, sleep with some other women and then get back together.

The risks of this are though that your girlfriend will end up hurt, you may fall for someone else, your gf may fall for someone else, things aren't the same when you get back together...a lot could go wrong here. And probably will.

I do know people who got together at a young age and are still together many years later. Are they happy? Hmmmm, I would question it.
I personally think that being with different people (not just sexually) shapes you as a person, and being with just one person for life is not always good.
There are exceptions, but I wouldn't say the statistics are in your favour.

Being a bit older than you and from personal experiences and friends experiences, my personal advice would be to go out into the world and experience it as a singleton for a while. Sleep with others, go on dates, enjoy some time alone.
Because I would be almost certain this feeling will not go away.
You are both so young, you have so much ahead of you and will change as people over the next few years.

Experience what you can now.

thattequilagirl

You're missing a lot of average to terrible sex, awkward moments and panicky loneliness. If you've found the girl of your dreams, stick with her.

bp

There was a thread here earlier this month from a woman whose partner was like you but circa 10 years and a child down the line and they just broke up because he couldn't get over it.

I have only slept with on person (was in my teens) and have since married him. I can safely say I am missing nothing. He had some before me and said they were crap (may be just being nice!).

Anyway as was said before get over it or break up, it sounds harsh but the grass is rarely greener. That said you are still young. People mature and grow up differently so it may fizzle out eventually or you could be together forever.

Also it is just sex and only one part of a good relationship.

whiskeyman

thattequilagirl wrote: »

You're missing a lot of average to terrible sex, awkward moments and panicky loneliness. If you've found the girl of your dreams, stick with her.

This.

There's many out there having fun, no strings attached sex, but would then long to have a loving partner to share moments with.
You need to put your apparent desire in its box and realise it's not all you're making it out to be.

LegacyUser

The way I see it is its a almost a case of "the grass is always greener" syndrome. People want what they can't have and if they do somehow get it, it never lives up to the expectation of what was imagined.

What would worry me is you mentioned your sex live has taken a turn for the worse lately. I would focus on trying to fix that. I know a lot of boardies will agree there have been so many threads on people who let their relationship crumble and have wound up cheating and/resenting their partner.

tara73

it's how I personallly see it:

you should ask yourself whether you really love your current gf. ask yourself long and hard.

because from my point of view, if you really love a person and are in a stable relationship, you don't feel the desire to sleep with other people, no matter how old you are or how long you're together.
the pure thought of leaving the partner to sleep randomly with other people, and vice versa, the logical consequence imagining the partner with other men/women would leave any truly loving person shattered.

so again, I would suggest you reevaluate your relationship, probably you need to break up with her

spakman

tara73 wrote: »

it's how I personallly see it:

you should ask yourself whether you really love your current gf. ask yourself long and hard.

because from my point of view, if you really love a person and are in a stable relationship, you don't feel the desire to sleep with other people, no matter how old you are or how long you're together.
the pure thought of leaving the partner to sleep randomly with other people, and vice versa, the logical consequence imagining the partner with other men/women would leave any truly loving person shattered.

so again, I would suggest you reevaluate your relationship, probably you need to break up with her

Maybe have a break of a couple of months with the prior agreement between you both that you'll get back together.
But you'd want to make sure you could find someone willing to have sex with you in those couple of months!!
Either that or have a **** whenever the urge becomes too much

Dial Hard

spakman wrote:

Maybe have a break of a couple of months with the prior agreement between you both that you'll get back together.

I'm not sure how workable this is in the real world. I got back with someone last year after a couple of months apart in which I hadn't slept with anyone else but he had. I knew he had, and he knew I knew, but we had this really odd "don't ask, don't tell" policy and it just all felt very weird. And that was after a "normal" break-up. I just can't imagine the post-break dynamic in a situation like this where the couple in question took a break specifically so one party can get a few more notches on their bedpost.

quickq987

If you "take a break"beacause of this I dont think she could forgive you. Im sorry but I want to be honest.

You arent missing anything really. If you say you have found "the one" please don't risk it for some stupid fantasy to be with someone else.

You are both happy. Maybe get a little kinkier in the bedroom and experience different things together?

CaraMay

If you take a break and she sleeps with someone, how will you feel? This is why most relationship which start when people are young don't work - someone always thinks they are missing out.

spakman

quickq987 wrote: »

If you "take a break"beacause of this I dont think she could forgive you. Im sorry but I want to be honest.

You arent missing anything really. If you say you have found "the one" please don't risk it for some stupid fantasy to be with someone else.

You are both happy. Maybe get a little kinkier in the bedroom and experience different things together?

Maybe that's the answer. Bite the bullet and tell her honestly all the things you'd like to try. Maybe she's up for more than you think!

ShaShaBear

I can honestly say that since meeting and sleeping with my partner, I would have been completely happy to have never known another man. My OH's sexual history casts a shadow over mine so dark you could film horrors in it :pac:
Honestly though, he is my soulmate and I've had exes attempt to worm their way in, men try their best to sway me, but I've completely lost interest.

Aside from the fact that my partner's wit, humour and personality are perfect for me, he is in every way my sexual match. If I were to leave him, I could never even hope for the same level of satisfaction from someone else before a steady relationship had evolved, and certainly not from a one-night stand!
It's been mentioned a few times, but I would agree that perhaps you and your GF need to sit down and discuss your sexual preferences and maybe opt to try new things together. Otherwise, you simply need to leave her and let her find someone who wants her and only her

LegacyUser

The way I see it is its a almost a case of "the grass is always greener" syndrome. People want what they can't have and if they do somehow get it, it never lives up to the expectation of what was imagined.

What would worry me is you mentioned your sex live has taken a turn for the worse lately. I would focus on trying to fix that. I know a lot of boardies will agree there have been so many threads on people who let their relationship crumble and have wound up cheating and/resenting their partner.

beks101

Not everyone feels the way Shashabear does about their partners and their sex life.

I know couples in relationships for decades who say they still wonder what it would be like to have sex with other people. They miss having the option. I'm with my fella a few years, he's the best man I've ever met, I love him to the moon and back but I still wonder sometimes. My sex life is great and I couldn't fathom cheating but it doesn't mean I'm not human and my eyes have been switched off to other men. I still see them and they see me. The difference is I'm a bit older than you OP and know for a fact that the grass isn't greener. The gamble of risking everything for a quick shag with a stranger is just unthinkable.

The point is that this wondering doesn't have to mean the demise of a relationship or a definite breakup. Very often it is simply being human.

Don't feel bad for having these feelings, it's good that you can acknowledge them for what they are before you hurt someone. But equally don't think that the "perfect partner" would mean your head will never turn again and all the women in the world that you would have found attractive before would cease to exist.

Relationships are largely about compromise and sacrifice, you're choosing to commit and build a life with someone instead of being single and doing what you want. That's a small payoff in return for the love, security and partnership you get in return - things that casual sex and one night stands will never deliver. This is something you learn quickly when you're single and after a certain amount of time they are things you begin to crave.

Go be single if you think this itch won't go away without being scratched. You are young and it's probably something all your friends are doing. But don't be surprised if you realise all these things very quickly once you're on your own for a while.

ibarelycare

tara73 wrote: »

it's how I personallly see it:

you should ask yourself whether you really love your current gf. ask yourself long and hard.

because from my point of view, if you really love a person and are in a stable relationship, you don't feel the desire to sleep with other people, no matter how old you are or how long you're together.
the pure thought of leaving the partner to sleep randomly with other people, and vice versa, the logical consequence imagining the partner with other men/women would leave any truly loving person shattered.

so again, I would suggest you reevaluate your relationship, probably you need to break up with her

That's an incredibly blinkered view. Many people in happy relationships desire to sleep with other people occasionally. It's a natural feeling and, unless they act on it or obsess over it, there's no harm in it.



IMO a lot of the posts here aren't that helpful to the OP (no offence to the posters!). But saying "you're not missing anything" or "if she's your soulmate hold onto her" isn't really addressing the OP's issue. The desire isn't going to go away just by people saying things like that. Even if he's NOT missing out on anything, he still will have to experience that to know it.

For me - I'm glad I have a varied sexual history. I have learned so many things from previous partners (both about myself, and about others), and that contributes to the great sex life I have now with my boyfriend. I'm completely satisfied and I don't feel I've missed out on anything, because I've had plenty of other experiences.

OP I don't mean to be incredibly patronising, but you're very young. It's very very rare that you meet someone at 19 who you're going to spend the rest of your life with (even though at the time you believe that will be the case). I think you need to look at your relationship overall - are you very happy and satisfied? If not, then your current desires are just going to continue to grow. Think hard about whether this relationship is what you really really want.

There is also the option of suggesting introducing other people to the bedroom, but for many people obviously this wouldn't go down well. However if you feel it is something you could bring up and your gf wouldn't freak out about it, you could try.

MartyMcFly84

I was in a similar position when I was your age.

I think its quite common for people in their early 20s. If you were in your early 30s my advice might be a bit different. If you don't think you can control it, best to take a break from your girlfriend. Cheating will only lead to pain and ill feeling than taking a break will, and you don't want to cause this to someone who loves you, you will carry it with you.

Its a double edged sword and there is no easy answer. You will have lots of fun, but most of it wont actually be that great, certainly not what you think it would be like now. Often the first time you sleep with someone can be the worst and clumsy , especially if a generous amount of alcohol is involved which was the scenario 90% of the time in my experience. You only really get better the more time you spend with someone and learn what they like. Thats not to say you cant have many short term flings.

Personally for a long time when I looked back I regretted letting a wonderful girl go for the sake of one night stands, I did not appreciate what I had at the time and found it very difficult when she moved on to someone else. However my life went down a different path and I would not be the person I am today or met the person who influenced my life the most had I stayed with her.

Sometimes you just need to get it out of your system before you can grow. But keep in mind, as with most cases the grass is not always greener on the otherside.

Jimmy Bottlehead

As said OP, I don't agree with the "value what you have now" and "grass is always greener" advice doled out.

You're young, inexperienced and with a world full of questions, experiences and mystery before you.
If you're already wondering what it's like to sleep with other people, then it's unlikely to go away.

A good partner or good sex life is like chocolate - you need to know how bad broccoli (or other not-so-nice foods) is to appreciate how good chocolate is.

I know that when I was younger, I had the same desires while in a relationship. They grew worse over time. But when I was single, I was able to explore the world and really establish what good sex and good partners were by being with a variety of partners.

You only get one life, and if you have this hunger, then don't be afraid to get out there and explore it. Some day, you'll likely be married, maybe with kids, and you'll be able to look back on your single years as something you did, enjoyed, and put to rest without any doubts or regrets on missing out.

ShaShaBear

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

A good partner or good sex life is like chocolate - you need to know how bad broccoli (or other not-so-nice foods) is to appreciate how good chocolate is.

This is excellent advice alright, but be very aware that while you're off eating broccoli, someone who already knows how "meh" it is might zone in on your chocolate.

Keane2baMused

All this talk of broccoli and chocolate *drools*

OP you need to have a good talk with your other half. Boardsies can give your their tuppence worth until the cows come home but ultimately your faith is in your hands. Stay as you are (with improvements) or leave and play the field, nobody can tell if you would regret either. You may just have to take a chance one way or another.

Turtle_

My two cents would be that you're young, you're curious about the world and what is on offer.. And no better time to find out. Two and a half years is a long time in your early twenties...

Don't take a break from your girlfriend, either stay together or break up. You can't just hit pause on a human being.

If it was me, I'd break up. There's a big difference between wondering what it would be like to sleep with other people, and actually wanting to sleep with other people (or wishing you already had). The latter is an itch that ime doesn't go away. I'm glad I broke up from all my early-20s relationships.. I think you actually need some time to grow up as your own person.

Jimmy Bottlehead

ShaShaBear wrote: »

This is excellent advice alright, but be very aware that while you're off eating broccoli, someone who already knows how "meh" it is might zone in on your chocolate.

Depends whether she's chocolate though.

OP may discover that there are far better partners out there in the unexplored world.
I was happy with most of my exes at the time, but when I look back now I see far better what I want and need in a partner.

silverbolt

Sex is always better with someone who knows you and your body. Your young nd curious as to whats out there. Natural enough. But do you want to risk what you have now for something that might come along at a later date? And may not be as good as you have now?

And if you do this to her - it will hurt her. She loves you so much she is giving you a pass to have a break so you can go out and sow some wild oats. Can you imagine how much emotional pain this is going to cause her? How much heartache and self loathing (why arent i enough for him) that this will give her?

If you do this. Do her a massive favour. Dont go back to her, she deserves better than being dumped just cos a guy wants to see more boobs and vaginas

LegacyUser

Tremblar he's talking about relationships, the OP has a fantastic relationship and that is to be treasured. We all know there are loads of women out there. But to find one he is 'made for' as he says is not so common. Intimacy, trust, friendship, connectedness, loyalty, laughter, caring about someone, knowing them inside out, their quirks, their habits, what makes them tick, unconditional love, 'getting' each other, finishing each other's sentences, support in all the areas of life where we struggle. All these things take time and love to grow, they don't compare to meaningless sex. And actually caring about someone leads to better sex. All of the above is what the OP is giving up. But he won't know until he has and thats life. He will probably find it again, and it will be different, maybe better maybe worse. But it will take time to find that person and time for all of the above that comes with a special bond that exists between a couple. Some men want meaningless sex, some actually don't so don't generalise. Some don't see women purely as objects for sex. Some men prefer to be in love with the woman, or at least cant help falling in love when they get to know her and all talk of abundance really doesn't matter they have all they want in one. Sex with different women can be great, but intimacy and the list above always wins, it's the strong bond in a relationship that will fulfill you.
Now the OP is young and I really think you only really feel all this stuff from life and experience. You can't be told to change how you feel. I think young relationships eventually end anyway because life happens and things change. Just always value who you're with if you love each other, try not to hurt her, if you want other people don't do a 'break,', break up completely. It's not doing her any good being with someone who is feeling like this a lot.

ibarelycare

Sorry but sex is NOT always better with someone who knows you and your body, or someone who you're in love with, or someone who you've been with for years. I've had relationships where the sex was always bad, even though most other parts of the relationship were good and I loved that person. And I've first time sex/flings/one night stands where the sex was amazing.

If both you and the other person are confident in what you are doing, and you're sexually compatible, then it's likely that the sex will be great regardless of whether you've known them years or met them an hour ago.

I thought my first bf was great in bed at the time. When I look back now I wonder what I was thinking. I was inexperienced and knew no better. You could easily live with knowing no better, if you felt happy and satisfied. But it doesn't seem like the OP feels that way. I think it's highly unlikely that his desires are going to go away and I think someone his age should absolutely be experiencing all life has to offer (in all aspects). There's absolutely no shame in wanting to experience other women. He's been with this girl since he was 19, it's very unlikely that they're going to be together forever, and they're already having sexual issues at a very young age. If he is having doubts I think he should nip things in the bud sooner rather than later.

Scarinae

I can give you the perspective of the other person, as this is something that has actually come up in two of my relationships. Both guys were virgins when I got with them and we were together for years - one was 15 when we started going out and the other was 19. The relationships ended in different ways though.

The first one was honest with me about how he felt, and while it wasn't the sole reason for our breakup it was definitely a contributing factor. We stayed on quite good terms as by that stage we were in college together (although he did get upset a few months later when I started seeing someone else... Apparently he'd thought we'd get back together eventually :rolleyes:) I haven't seen him in years because I moved to the UK after college, but I look back on our relationship fondly and if I bumped into him I'd happily go for a pint and catch up.

The second one told me he'd been wondering what it'd be like to be with other people, but then didn't want to talk about it and tried to pretend he'd never said it. We had a few other issues too and around six weeks later I suggested breaking up (for other reasons), this caused some major back-pedalling on his part and suddenly I was the most important thing in his life and everything was going to change blah blah. Seven months after that he met someone else and cheated on me, but lied through his teeth and tried to keep me as his backup option. Of course I found out, and his dishonesty, manipulation and cowardice hurt me a lot more than the fact he wanted someone else. I do not look back on our relationship fondly and to be honest I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

If this feeling of yours isn't going to go away, I'd suggest you take the first approach rather than the second. You will hurt her if you break up, but she'll get over it, and remember that you'll hurt her a lot more if you ignore the feeling and subsequently cheat on her.

Augme

thattequilagirl wrote: »

You're missing a lot of average to terrible sex, awkward moments and panicky loneliness. If you've found the girl of your dreams, stick with her.

silverbolt wrote: »

Sex is always better with someone who knows you and your body. Your young nd curious as to whats out there. Natural enough. But do you want to risk what you have now for something that might come along at a later date? And may not be as good as you have now?

Speak for yourselves there. I'd be fairly shocked if most people in their late 20's/early 30's said that the best sex they ever had happened in a relationship in their early 20's/late teens.

haveringchick

If the OP is feeling "sad" then his sadness is definitely showing itself to his girlfriend who is probably struggling to wonder "what's up?"
While the OP dithers about what it is exactly he wants ( well I'm MODERATELY happy to be with this person, I MIGHT find more happiness with someone else but I want to make sure I have companionship and sex on tap so I don't want to be honest and give up this fairly average girl, thus giving her the opportunity to find happiness elsewhere, oh what to do...) the person he professes to love is wondering what she can do to cheer him up.

eviltwin

Augme wrote: »

Speak for yourselves there. I'd be fairly shocked if most people in their late 20's/early 30's said that the best sex they ever had happened in a relationship in their early 20's/late teens.

Sex like anything gets better with practice. You don't have to practice on a lot of different people, if you have a partner on the same page you can explore what you like together. I've been with my partner a long time but the sex hasn't stayed the same, like every other part it's evolved.

Tasden

eviltwin wrote: »

Sex like anything gets better with practice. You don't have to practice on a lot of different people, if you have a partner on the same page you can explore what you like together. I've been with my partner a long time but the sex hasn't stayed the same, like every other part it's evolved.

This is true, and the more you experiment different things with one person the more you will learn as a team so to speak.

But i have to say sometimes you just click better with another person and its not something you can practice or change. And after experimenting with that person the sex can be more amazing than it had been with anybody else before. And you may not have even thought that the sex was all that lacking prior to that.

LegacyUser

Female here that feels a bit similar to yourself. Lost virginity at 17 to my boyfriend, will be 29 soon and still together with same man. Only person I've ever slept with. He is a good few years older than me and slept with plenty of women before me as he started pretty young. For me though as he's the only one I've ever known, I regularly get those feelings of wondering or even fantasizing about being with others. When out with friends and if someone tries to chat me up or comes over flirting strongly, I've often wished that I could flirt back without always having to add into the conversation "I have a boyfriend", I enjoy that flirty banter, I love the the flirty eye contact that little buzz of attraction and butterfly feeling when someone different and attractive is paying a lot of attention to me. I've had very strong urges to kiss some men I've found attractive and who made clear they were interested in me.There's just some kind of exciting electric chemistry around new attractive people that I can't help but feel.

But I've always said that cheating is scummy so have never nor would ever go down that line. We have no children or marriage or financial ties to each other so if I really wanted to indulge in some fantasies there would be nothing like that holding me back from ending relationship. The only plain and simple thing stopping me is the simple and boring answer of I love my boyfriend very much. I really enjoy sex with him too, but that curiosity or fantasizing or urges about being with others has been with me for many years so I don't know if it ever goes away.

I think it's bull that if you "really" love somebody you would never want to sleep with someone else ever, maybe for some people it's the case but I definitely don't believe it applies to all people in 'true' love. After 12 years with my partner, going through so much twists and turns of our lives together, still being attracted to and enjoying sex with, being closer to him than anyone else in this world, I find the notion that I must not 'really' love him because I have these thoughts absurd. Just seems like a blanket statement that some people make.

Ideally I think I would like to be in an open relationship for even just a few years where if either of us met someone on a night out and had a one night stand then that would be ok as long as we didn't talk about it with each other. I would be ok with that as long as neither of us developed any type of relationship with another person, but the very rare/occasional discreet one night stand that I didn't have to hear about from him, or that I wouldn't have to tell him about if it was me, I think that would be a good thing for just a few years only. Maybe it just sounds better in theory than in reality though?

But if I ever even uttered this suggestion I know with 100% certainty it would be the end of our relationship. He would probably think I'd lost my mind for such a suggestion. He would possibly be similar to the people who think I musn't love him if I want to sleep with someone else. (even though I fully expect that he and most people must fantasize about others too) The circle of people I hang with, even my friends would probably think I was a "slag" for even contemplating such an idea so I've never expressed it openly. It's just an unheard of notion with everybody I know. I just carrying on enjoying my relationship with the man I love as normal and for the most part I'm mainly very happy but can't deny that these feelings do exist in me.

I think you should take a break and get some things out of your system. In a few years time you might get back with your girlfriend and even if you don't I'm sure you could fall in love with someone else and her with someone else too. Both still really young.

LegacyUser

Hi OP. I posted a thread here about 3-4 weeks ago under this username, called 'Is there a compromise we can come to', about this exact issue but from your girlfriend's perspective. I had been with my boyfriend for over seven years and we have a child together. He was a virgin and I wasn't. Like your girlfriend I regretted my past and offered him a hall pass a couple of times. I thought he had gotten over it after 2-3 yrs together but just last month, out of nowhere he broke up with me because he wanted to be single because he doesn't know what it is like to be with anyone else. He expected me to wait around for him for up to a year while he acted like a single lad for all that time. He told me he loves me and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but he just needs to be single right now. I told him he had to choose whether he wanted to continue being a family or to be single, that I couldn't pick up where we left off in a years time. He chose to be single.

Right now,if I'm honest, I sometimes think I might take him back if he realises his mistake soon. But that's only if he hasn't been with anyone else. I gave him plenty of chances early on in the relationship before things got too serious. I told him loads of times to just break up with me if he thought he couldn't get over not being with anyone else. He didn't do it back then and now we have a child in the middle of our break up and it hurt me 100 times more that he dragged it on so long.

If you honestly think you can't get over these urges then do your girlfriend a favour and break up with her. I know it seems hard now but it will be a lot harder down the line, for both of you. If you think that your girlfriend is definitely the one for you and that you will get over this then try your best to get it out of your head. If you have been thinking this for your whole relationship so far then it's unlikely that you will forget about it.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do but think about both of you when you make your decision, not just one party.

LegacyUser

woman further down the line... wrote: »

Female here that feels a bit similar to yourself. Lost virginity at 17 to my boyfriend, will be 29 soon and still together with same man. Only person I've ever slept with. He is a good few years older than me and slept with plenty of women before me as he started pretty young. For me though as he's the only one I've ever known, I regularly get those feelings of wondering or even fantasizing about being with others.

The thing is that even if you had been with other guys before you got with your boyfriend it's unlikely that you would really have experienced much or got to know what it was really like with other people. If you were with fellas around your own age then compared to say men your age now then it really is just like boys vs men. Most people don't really know what they like when they're so young and don't learn a huge amount about how different things work for other people and so on.

milli milli

Scarinae wrote: »

If this feeling of yours isn't going to go away, I'd suggest you take the first approach rather than the second. You will hurt her if you break up, but she'll get over it, and remember that you'll hurt her a lot more if you ignore the feeling and subsequently cheat on her.

I would agree with some of the posters who said that this feeling probably won't go away. And it doesn't matter if people tell you this and that, you will want to experience it yourself. That's how we learn - by experiencing things and making mistakes.

You're a young guy, you haven't had your fill of other women. It's something that you need to get out of your system because as the post above said, it's only a matter of time before you will want to sleep with someone else. And you can love your girlfriend to the moon and think she's the one, but it is just a physical thing for guys.

As much as I feel for your girlfriend, she will be heartbroken but as the poster above said I would much rather a clean break than the destruction caused by cheating.
It's a terrible situation to be in. Your girlfriend may be the perfect match for you or you could be seeing her through the eyes of inexperience. But I definitely think a break-up is the way to go unfortunately.

LegacyUser

Never posted in here before but I do read it from time to time and this one grabbed my attention because I've literally been in the exact same situation. This might be long but hopefully it might help you. Ex girlfriend was my first when I was about 18/19. She had been with two before me I think and at first this didn't bother me at all, was mad for her.

Then as time went on and after maybe a year and a half together I started to get bothered about the fact that if we stayed together forever I'd only have slept with one girl my whole life. I felt all the things you feel now about wanting other women and I think that's only natural to be honest. I convinced myself that this wouldn't bother me if she had been the same as me and had never been with anyone else either. This is not a good frame of mind to be in I assure you. And of course it was never true either looking back on it, I just wanted to sleep with other people because I wanted to "sow my wild oats" as it were.

But I decided that I was with a girl I was very happy with and loved very much so it would be crazy to throw that away over wanting to just sleep around basically.

My circle of friends would be very laddish and the topic of different women and sex would often come up when we'd be in the pub or whatever and it goes without saying I felt a bit left out (even though I'm sure a lot of the talk was pure rubbish). But the point being it was always sort of on my mind and eating away at me.

So eventually me and a group of the lads go away for a couple of nights on a drinking weekend abroad. Not sure what causes it but on the first night I just decide "right this is the chance" and I slept with a girl that night, shocking carry on and then to make it worse I went out and did the exact same thing the following night, "might aswell be hung for a sheep as a lamb etc..."

But at first I genuinely didn't regret it at all which is probably the worst part. But after maybe a month I was feeling dreadful about it but was way too cowardly to come clean so I basically just engineered a couple of fights and just manufactured a break up for a fairly stupid reason.

Don't think she really bought the reason to be honest but I stuck with it, I doubt she'd even look at me now if I saw her in the street.

So I suppose the big thing to take from that is what a complete dickhead I was and that whatever you decide to do, don't do that anyway.

Spent a while single after that and would have "joined in the festivities" so to speak but you know what I realised? That the whole thing of going from woman to woman wasn't for me either, there was no affection there, no one to send a stupid text to about something personal or some little victory you had or whatever. And I missed that, more than I thought I would. But eventually I met a girl I was mad for, as in really crazy about that I'm still with now and I'm way happier than I was while I was single even though while I was with the first girl I was convinced I wanted to be single and would be happier for it.

But even now I have days when I think I'd rather be single and fancy free again for a while or whatever.

So in summary I suppose the ultimate thing to take from this, given that I have been in your exact situation, is that the grass is always greener, you always want what you can't have.

So you think that sleeping around a bit or whatever will make you happier but is it worth giving up all the positives in your relationship you have now for? That's the ultimate question you need to answer.

To be honest, in my case I'd have to say looking back on it that things have worked out for the best, I'm happier now in a new relationship than I was previously and the time I've spent single and "playing the field" (horrible term) means that I sort of have that out of my system as well. Do I regret cheating? Of course I do, it's the worst thing you can do in a relationship.

I suppose my post is a very long way of saying that the grass is always greener so think carefully before you act rashly but at the same time I think it made me happier and more confident in my new relationship that I had time to be single and enjoy that life. So weigh it up well but it certainly is a difficult decision to make and you have my full symptahty with how you're feeling at the moment.

LegacyUser

beks101 wrote: »

Not everyone feels the way Shashabear does about their partners and their sex life.

It's easy for her to say, she's had other men so she has something to compare with. The OP hasn't had any other women. As a married 40 something year old man, it's one of the few regrets in my life that I didn't sleep around at least a bit before getting married. It's a part of my life I missed out on. Maybe it would have been crap - but I would have had the experience.

Then again I was raised in a very Catholic family where that sort of thing was seen as a mortal sin. How wrong that was.

Lavinia

Hi OP. I glanced through other posts but thought to say I think you should consider to go free and free her too. It does not seem you are ready.

Apart from that as far as I saw people are not made monogamous and majority of people is at least subsequently polygamous (having next partner after the other, and many at the same time too).

But I think that honesty is the most important thing in the world, so is in your relation to yourself - and then the others (your partner incl.).

So be true to yourself and to your partner - whatever it is - and see if you can see eye to eye. I saw you talked, but didn't really go through with anything yet.

You may ask her if she would be willing to participate with or to share you with other woman, while you are still together, but would that satisfy your curiosity?

Or it is more than curiosity in you. Is it just sex with other people or is it that you would want to experience more with other people in general - relationships-wise.

Could it also be that you do not love your partner enough before all or after all.

These answers only you can give to yourself. And do not be afraid to face it, but embrace it.

Cupcake_Crisis

Honestly op, if my partner of 2 years told me that he wanted to take a break purely to sleep with other people I'd be devastated. I'd tell him to sleep with all the people he wanted, but I won't be there at the end of it.

From my own experience, any time I've been in a fulfilling relationship sleeping with ANYONE else has been the furthest thing from my mind. I think you need to have a serious chat with yourself.