Eight months on..

LegacyUser

Ok so as the title might give away I broke up with my ex 8 months ago. I just wanted a break to clear my head as we were rowing a lot. My ex said that if I wanted a 'break' that we might as well break up. I didn't want to but said yes in the heat of the moment. I moved out but we were in contact for a couple of weeks. My ex cut contact then, for us to try and move on, and I respected their decision and didn't get in contact. I did a lot of thinking over the next couple of week and decided that I'd made a mistake in breaking up and that I wanted to be with them.
I contacted my ex and was told that they'd met someone else and were blissfully happy and wanted nothing more to do with me. I kept in contact with my ex for a few days until I was told, in no uncertain terms, to back off and leave them alone. So I did.
Fast forward to three months ago and they got in contact with me and said that they'd made a mistake and that I was the one they wanted to be with. Now a big part of me wanted for us to get back together but I said no. I was really pissed off that they'd gone off with someone so soon after we had broken up. (I know I'm being a hypocrite as I broke up with them but I cant help how I feel) We had been together for a long time. They got all pissed off and said 'fine I'm going back to ~insert name here~ '
That was the last I heard from my ex. Anyway I still really miss this person and it doesn't seem to matter how much time is passing I still miss the closeness we had. I have never loved anyone as much as them. Now this is going to come across as vain but I'm a good looking person, I get a lot of attention but I'm very reluctant to get close to anyone because of the way I am feeling. There has been one person I was half interested in but I backed away from it after a few dates. Should I start to see someone as a way of getting over my ex? I know that isn't fair on someone else though. I just honestly feel that I'll never find someone that I'll feel so close to again, that I want to be with so much.
I'm happy in general, keeping busy and active. Spending lots of time with my friends and family etc. I guess my question is, how long can something like this go on? Should I just start seeing someone for the sake of it?
btw, I know its valentines but I only realised that when I was looking at the calendar to see how long its been. I'm not sitting at home in tears with a tub of Ben and Jerrys! Just wanted to get this of my chest and see can anyone offer some advice. Thank you.

athtrasna

You most definitely should not start seeing someone for the sake of it. That would not be fair on them and ultimately it wouldn't be fair on you either. When you're ready you'll know when it's time to meet someone else. Time is the greatest healer.

You're already doing the right thing in keeping active and out and about. As the evenings get brighter it will help you feel like it's a new year, time for a new start. But take your time, only you will know when you're truly ready. Give yourself time to heal.

LegacyUser

I don't really mean 'for the sake of it', just that if there was someone I was kinda interested in should I see what happens or should I just hold off on everything until I know the time is right?

batmanrobin

OP, don't get involved with someone else when you're feeling like this. You don't sound overly interested in this other person and I think it could very well be a case that you use them (unintentionally) to help you get over your ex. Don't be that person. It's pretty crappy!

Block your ex on everything. Don't cyber stalk them. Don't allow yourself to wallow. Easier said than done, but the more energy and thoughts and emotions you feed into the situation, the longer it will take you to get over it.

When you're ready to date, you'll know. If you have to ask are you ready, you're not.

mykillokneel

eightmonthson wrote: »

I don't really mean 'for the sake of it', just that if there was someone I was kinda interested in should I see what happens or should I just hold off on everything until I know the time is right?

Hi op
I have done both, as in used someone to get over my ex and been used by someone trying to get over theirs. For me seeing someone helped me get over my ex it showed me how a nice normal relationship should be and I regained a lot of confidence back. The girl that used me was confused from the start about what she wanted and eventually she couldn't keep seeing me. It did hurt even though I knew it wouldn't last it was still fun. My point is its different for everyone you might feel it's best to start dating to help you. What is for sure is you need to cut everything about your ex out of your life it really does work in the long run. If you feel you are interested in someone at least be upfront about what your feeling, they may choose to run but always best to be honest. That said, being half interested in someone isn't the best start to anything especially at this stage for you. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I don't intend on 'using' anyone. I don't know what I mean exactly. I can't understand why I'm still not over this person. We broke up for very good reasons but I still can't for the life of me figure out why we didn't work out? There was no obvious reason why we shouldn't have. We just seemed to fight constantly. I never felt anything like this before. I ended relationships before, one other one that was longer than this one but I was literally over them within a few weeks.
I haven't been following them on anything and there is little to no chance of me bumping into them and things were going grand for the last few weeks but last week I just started to feel a bit down about it.
Apart from that I was doing good. I had had a few dates and I was genuinely excited about meeting these people. Maybe I just haven't the right ones. I just want to get on with things and stop feeling so sh1tty if and when I do think of my ex....

Grace_31

Hi OP,
Your ex has moved on.....in whatever terms you dont know whats going on with them. They could be very happy and had a bad day (fight with partner, work problems etc) and they reached out to you. Not fair of them i know .
In the context of things...you have not been with this person for 8 months.....a breakup is hard but there are reasons im sure why you broke up in the first place...those reasons are probably still there.
Try to maintain your active lifestyle and take each day at a time. I concur that all contact should stop with this person as it will just be a never ending circle with you feeling the way you are now....closure is good.

batmanrobin

OP, the relationship wasn't working because you were fighting all the time. That's the reason for the breakup.

How long were you together? Is there any contact - texting etc?

LegacyUser

We were together four years. No there is no contact at all. That's why I'm throwing this out there, I know by right that I should be fine at this stage. I'm just finding it strange that I seem to have no interest in starting anything with anyone after all this time. It hasn't been the case before when I've broken up with someone.....

mykillokneel

eightmonthson wrote: »

We were together four years. No there is no contact at all. That's why I'm throwing this out there, I know by right that I should be fine at this stage. I'm just finding it strange that I seem to have no interest in starting anything with anyone after all this time. It hasn't been the case before when I've broken up with someone.....

Every person and relationship is different, the girl that wasn't over her ex i only dated for a month and it's 2 months later and I'm still not even close to being over it or dating again such was the connection I felt, I've been in WAY longer relationship that didn't take as long. You know it's ok to feel crap about it sometimes. Yes we can do all the right things, gym, meet friends do hobbies and they can help but when the thoughts come let them come and they'll pass. Don't be too hard on yourself.

silverbolt

eightmonthson wrote: »

I don't really mean 'for the sake of it', just that if there was someone I was kinda interested in should I see what happens or should I just hold off on everything until I know the time is right?

That depends on whether this other person is good for you and you are good from them.

You need to ask yourself hard - do you miss your ex or do you miss being in a relationship?

Honestly if you are over your ex and this new person is someone you could be with - then go for it. Just be honest with yourself and them. Id say test the waters a little more as to how you feel

eightmonthson wrote: »

We were together four years. No there is no contact at all. That's why I'm throwing this out there, I know by right that I should be fine at this stage. I'm just finding it strange that I seem to have no interest in starting anything with anyone after all this time. It hasn't been the case before when I've broken up with someone.....

Everyone is different and every relationship is different. I think your expecting too much of yourself. But if your not interested then you should def stay away. You will only hurt someone who doesnt deserve it if you dont.