Favouritism in classroom/church - sister not sue what to do

Hannaho

Hi! My sister has a 12 year old son - the school he goes to is a small country school - three classes in senior room - which is attached to a Church of a protestant denomination. There is a lot of favouritism in the class - basically the ones who help out in the Church a lot/attend a lot, and it appears those from well-off families are also favoured, as well as the girls over the boys - my niece finished in the school four years ago and would have said this also. My sister's child is also very bright and in his previous school, my sister was always told how easy he was to teach. Now, my nephew and two other boys, only three boys in sixth class, can do no right - parents have been and out about it - complaints to school and BOM - but to no avail - teaching principal. However, now my nephew who is making his confirmation this year (not Catholic) notices that the Minister of the attached Church, a woman, favours the daughter of a well-off local businessman - and no matter how she misbehaves in Confirmation classes which are weekly, she is never corrected in the confirmation classes, but he and the other children are always corrected severely for even minor misdemeanours - today it was because he and one of the others had his pencil in his hand, rather than having it on the table. My nephew doesn't now want to make his Confirmation and feels demoralised - the word he used and he knows what it means - by all the favouritism in school and in the attached Church. My sister is afraid that if she says anything to the Minister, it will either fall on deaf ears, as in the school, or she will get in a real huff and be even more critical of him. I am in favour of saying how my nephew feels about the favouritism to the Minister who is also Chair of BOM, as I feel it's been hugely destructive and divisive. it's a delicate situation so any comments/advice welcome - the Confirmation is in four weeks time.

silverharp

on the plus side its 6th class and he will be out of there soon enough. the favouritism in the school sounds like it would be more of a grind. some teachers expect the boys to behave exactly like he girls which is wrong and parenting 101 will tell you that boys are a bit more energetic and get bored quicker if they are not stimulated, if the teacher was any good at her job she would know this. I'd go with building up his confidence and explain the problem isnt with the boys but with the teacher and they were just unlucky to get the bad apple. My son goes to a mixed school and there were a few instances of the boys getting homework and the girls not but it didnt happen enough to make an issue out of so we just made a bit of a joke about it.
with the confirmation, could his parents pull him out and let him do it somewhere else? for something that is not directly tied to his education i'd be less willing to knuckle under. I'd have a word with the minister and just say you will pull him out if he comes home miserable again from the preparation classes.

Emme

The story is very familiar to me. I attended a similar school. I was bright at the time and usually came top of the class without effort and luckily had no problem with the teacher.

My family wasn't wealthy and we weren't well-in with the minister who wasn't happy that the daughter of a small farmer was doing better academically than the children of local businesspeople and wealthy farmers. I was lucky enough to do my confirmation in secondary school. The favoritism towards wealthy parishioners and church do-gooders seems to be an issue in smaller Protestant schools. At least he will be out of there soon.

I'm not dismissing what the OP's nephew is going through but petty snobbery isn't as bad as the religious sexual abuse some of my Catholic friends suffered. The people in your nephew's school sound narrow-minded and your nephew's intelligence probably threatens them. I would imagine there's no point approaching the school or BOM. There is nothing that can be done about their entrenched mentality, people like these do not change and their attitude eventually leads to the demise of their little coteries.

Does your nephew have to do his confirmation this year? Can he put it off until next year when he is in secondary school? If not he'll just have to get through it and leave it all behind at the end of the school year.

The treatment I got at school made me question religion at a young age which was no bad thing. Richard Dawkins book "The Magic of Reality: How We Know What's Really True" might cheer the your nephew up and raise his morale. He sounds intelligent enough to realise what's going on in school is all a charade. Once the school year is over he will be beyond it and hopefully he will be treated more equitably in secondary school.

orthsquel

If parents have made complaints re unequal treatment of children during classtime to the Board of Management of the school and have got no satisfaction then they should seek to escalate the complaint to the next level of authority. You might find that information in the code of conduct of the school and on the citizen's information website within Dept of Education guidelines for code of conduct/disciplinary procedures.

Are the confirmation classes conducted during school hours or outside school hours? If the classes are done during school hours then even more reason for complaints to be escalated imo. If they are outside of school hours then tbh I'm not sure what you can do then, except in the first instance engage with the individual conducting the classes. If no joy there, would you or your sister be happy to approach other relevant clergy of that parish? If you do not know who they are you can look up the diocesan and parish directory from the CofI's main website http://www.ireland.anglican.org/ and look at the individual parish for the diocese you are in as to the relevant clergy for your parish.

As for your nephew... he doesn't have to make the confirmation if he does not wish to. It is a means of renewing commitment made at baptism and from the resources on the CoI website states (and note the bits I've marked in bold):

"In the Christian faith there is also a stage of transition when young people may feel that they want to make their own declaration of faith and commit their life to Christ. This transition is normally marked by confirmation. It is a service in which the young people confirm for themselves, and publicly before family, friends and the wider Church, the promises made on their behalf at their baptism. However, confirmation is not just something for teenagers but can take place whenever an individual desires to make a faith commitment. Sometimes young people come before they reach their teens and others come as adults."

http://ireland.anglican.org/information/13

So really nobody can force him to continue with confirmation classes if he does not wish to as that is his choice entirely if he wishes to participate in that ceremony and in making that declaration. I think if he does not wish to continue with that class and that particular individual running the class, then he and his parents should discuss how he feels about confirmation in general and if he wishes to make it and if so at this stage of his life, then they should discuss that further with the person running the parish as to what options there are or what other preparation classes they are running in the parish or in neighbouring parishes around the diocese. He should be able to undertake preparation classes in secondary school or in general at any stage of his life within that parish/diocese of the CoI or alternatively even in another parish or diocese around the country.

Hannaho

Hi! All thanks for the replies. I think my sister is more upset about the situation - I talked to my nephew and he can't wait to get out of the school, and his comment was that the place and all the favouritism there 'stinks'. I counted the weeks with him and he has only 13 weeks left there after the mid-term - so I got my calendar and said we would mark them off together each week - he comes over to our house on Fridays. Re the confirmation - he doesn't want to do it, and after talking with his mother and father, they have all decided that they are going to tell the Minister ned weekend and why - would love to see his reaction!

afkasurfjunkie

Fair play to them.

Merkin

Thread closed Haanaho. You can refer to your other thread for reasons why.