Interview from years ago

LegacyUser

I am out of work at the moment and I've been reflecting on the reasons why. After a fair bit of thinking it mainly comes down to a combination of things; making a few bad decisions, geographical reasons (I didn't want to move too far away from home) and simply not being good enough to get a good job that lasts.
However one thing I've been ruminating over is one particular interview I went for about five years ago;I was offered the job but turned it down and now I don't know if I did the right thing. I was in a job at the time but the pay was really low. It was a start-up, I'd been there about a year and the company wasn't really taking off. I was happy enough there as I liked the work and the boss was very easy-going (but I did work hard).
I turned down the job in question because one of the guys interviewing me came across as a real jerk. I asked him a question, I can't remember exactly what it was but I think it may have been something to do with what kind of expectations would be placed on me or words to that effect.
He responded in a booming voice with a grim face "Well if such-and-such a thing (I can't remember what exactly) isn't done on a Friday evening I won't be happy". He also asked me was I married which was what really put the lid on it for me. Obviously this is a big no-no and very unprofessional which told me that (a) the guy was very unprofessional and (b) quite ignorant. It also planted the seed in my mind that he wanted to know this because he planned to have me working late in the evenings and it would be easier to do this to a guy that was married (why else would he ask it?).
I'm not married as it happens so I said "No". In hindsight I should have politley refused to answer and maybe told him off about it. I was so taken aback I didn't.
There were two other guys interviewing with him and they didn't bat an eyelid.
When I was offered the job by telephone later I said I'd need time to think about it. I replied by email later saying I wouldn't accept it on the grounds of pay (even though they were offering me a higher salary than my existing job).
I didn't say anything about yer man, I don't know why, I suppose I just didn't want the confrontation and wanted to put the whole thing to bed as quickly as possible. In hindsight I should have. Maybe I over-reacted, I suppose I am only thinking so much about it because I am out of work at the moment.
As it turned out the company I stayed with went bust after a couple of years. I got out before that but to a job I hated and left after a year. I got a contract job for ten months after that which finished last November.
I'm just wondering how things would have turned out if I had accepted the job?OK the guy I mentioned would have probably been a b****** but people work for b******s all the time and just get on with it (some of them are probably reading this post I bet). I should mention that I suffer from depression and low self-esteem whicch makes me less well-equipped than others to deal with unpleasant bosses.
I suppose I just want my mind set at ease.

_Brian

Considering your predisposition I don't think raking up incidents from years ago is going to be a positive Move for you.

My advice is see where you are now regarding work and skills.

See where you would like to be.

Identify small but definite steps you can make to get you from one to the other.

Smaller steps completed will help keep your spirits up and a sense of accomplishment along the road of where you see your self down the road. They are a positive thing to look back on to reassure you when you hit a bump along the way.

Really, the past is where it belongs, gone.

My dad used to say;
"It's hard to move forward if your always looking backwards"

It's only now he's gone I really understand what he was saying.

Good luck.

mattaiuseire

I second that. Pointless exercise as you'll never know. You could also say what if you'd have took the job and got so annoyed at this obvious eejit of a boss that you lashed out and got fired within a week? Or how about if the initial company became the next big thing and you became third in command? No one can ever know these things, but what you do know about are the skills you have equipped in order to find a job and hold it down, so as the previous poster mentioned, step by step. Make a plan of action and then put it into action. You can do it.

carltonleon

As has been intimated in all the above posts
"You can do nothing about the past so look to the future"
I am not even going to speculate on what could have been as it is all wasted enregy.
If you are getting contract jobs you must be doing something right

Best of Luck for the future

Speedwell

If they expect you to trust your instincts and experience while you are on the job, they can't blame you for trusting them as to whether to accept the position in the first place. No, I tell my husband I'd rather be desperate for work than desperate at work. Trust me, everyone there knew what a ***** that fellow was, everyone there knew why the position was hard to fill, everyone knew why they offered more money than you expected. Everyone probably guessed the real reason you turned it down. Stop worrying about it now. You made the right choice.

eviltimeban

No point dwelling on the past, but it's hard not to. I remember years ago I had an interview with a small company that provided coaching services to other companies. I had a phone interview with the guy and we spoke for about an hour, went really well, they were looking for someone to essentially recruit more business coaches. He asked me to come up with some ideas which we could talk about at the actual interview. Fine.

Day of the interview, I come in, sit down, and he looks at me. And says "well?" And that was it, I had to deliver my ideas straightaway, which I did, but due to my limited understanding of how the company worked I only had a modest contribution to make. He then said he was unimpressed, as I'd had a whole week, and that was all I could come up with?

Anyway on we went, thankfully to normal interview questions. And you know in an interview, you want to do your best, you want to answer the questions. You want to get the job. He started asking me about salary, which is fine. He asked me did my wife earn more than me. Eh... He asked where I'd want to live if I had the choice (eh, I like where I live now thanks). What car I drove. Why didn't I earn more? He asked a lot more questions like these, I can't remember all of them.

Halfway through the wife who was co-manager of the company walked in. She was nice but I've had experience working with a husband and wife before and it is a recipe for disaster. At this stage I'd decided this wasn't the place for me, and still his approach was arrogant and unprofessional. I answered as best I could as I thought maybe he was trying to push me, to test me, as it was a sales type role.

Anyway interview over, we say our goodbyes. And I never heard from him again. Not even a call or letter to say "you didn't get the job".

And it stuck with me since. I still harbour a desire to speak to that guy and tell him what I thought of him. I wanted to email the CEO to tell him what his managers are saying to interviewees. But I'm not upset about not getting the job, and shortly after I got the job I have right now.

So - don't dwell on the past. Pull yourself back up again. Get some professional CV and career advice, you might just be in the wrong industry, or coming across wrong in some particular way.

zoobizoo

neil33 wrote: »

I should mention that I suffer from depression and low self-esteem whicch makes me less well-equipped than others to deal with unpleasant bosses.

Would you try to resolve the issue of low self esteem by speaking with a professional

LegacyUser

Well nobody really answered my question but that's OK as the advice you all gave was good. I need to stop dwelling on "what might have been's" and focus on getting myself out of this situation. I have been doing that anyway; I went for CV and interview coaching and might go again. I'm starting a train the trainer course the week after next as the contract job I did was a teaching position and I liked it so I'd like to do that again (in a permanent job this time).
I've also got a couple of side projects that I am putting on my CV so it can be seen that I was doing something while I am unemployed.
I am prone to ruminating on the past, especially at night before I go to sleep when my mind has no distractions. It's amazing how you can convince yourself of almost anything when you start that "what if?" business.
I think I was right to turn down that job; I probably would have had problems with that guy.

eviltimeban

neil33 wrote: »

Well nobody really answered my question

Your question was "I'm just wondering how things would have turned out if I had accepted the job?"

Who's gonna know the answer to that?? No one will. You have no way of knowing. Hence, the "don't dwell on the past" advice. We've all had bad interviews and "what could have been" situations. But unless you can actually do a "ghost of Christmas past" job on it you'll never know.

zoobizoo

Will you have problems with the next guy who asks you questions that you don't like?

I don't think the things he asked you were that bad. Asking if you are married might have been to see how stable you were in life and that you wouldn't be going off travelling any time soon. They might have been looking for someone who would stay the course

The booming voice response about work that needed to be done on a Friday afternoon might have been industry specific... in my job it doesn't matter if I leave some work to Monday mornings but in other jobs, everything needed to be done before close of play on Fridays.

Having low self esteem can really twist one's thinking..
He may have been a "jerk" could have turned out to be a "bastard" and "unprofessional" but my reading on your post is that you are coming from a place of negativity and that is coming across in the language that you are using.

Move on from the interview

zoobizoo

Will you have problems with the next guy who asks you questions that you don't like?

I don't think the things he asked you were that bad. Asking if you are married might have been to see how stable you were in life and that you wouldn't be going off travelling any time soon. They might have been looking for someone who would stay the course

The booming voice response about work that needed to be done on a Friday afternoon might have been industry specific... in my job it doesn't matter if I leave some work to Monday mornings but in other jobs, everything needed to be done before close of play on Fridays.

Having low self esteem can really twist one's thinking..
He may have been a "jerk" could have turned out to be a "bastard" and "unprofessional" but my reading on your post is that you are coming from a place of negativity and that is coming across in the language that you are using.

Move on from the interview

LegacyUser

zoobizoo wrote: »

Will you have problems with the next guy who asks you questions that you don't like?
I don't think the things he asked you were that bad. Asking if you are married might have been to see how stable you were in life and that you wouldn't be going off travelling any time soon. They might have been looking for someone who would stay the course

The booming voice response about work that needed to be done on a Friday afternoon might have been industry specific... in my job it doesn't matter if I leave some work to Monday mornings but in other jobs, everything needed to be done before close of play on Fridays.

Having low self esteem can really twist one's thinking..
He may have been a "jerk" could have turned out to be a "bastard" and "unprofessional" but my reading on your post is that you are coming from a place of negativity and that is coming across in the language that you are using.

Move on from the interview

If I was unemployed at the time I probably would have taken the job in spite of his questions as I would have been more desperate. I think I made the correct decision anyway. It was a long time ago and I need to put my mind to future job possibilities.