Long distance worries

bleach94

Hi all,

Long story short my girlfriend and I have been going out for over a year and a half, and long distance since September. We are both studying abroad in the same country, but not in the same city, so we only see each other once a month-ish. We've always been very honest with each other, including about our troubles with anxiety, depression and personal issues.

I've noticed my girlfriend being quieter over the last few weeks, contacting me less, showing less interest in our conversations etc. I asked her about it and we had a long talk about how she feels lately that there's been a lack of passion/love, particularly when we talk on the phone. I hadn't previously noticed this. I dislike talking on the phone a lot, which i've told her, as a lot of guys do, and I find it hard to express my feelings for her through that medium of communication. We attributed it to the fact that maybe we've overshared our negative feelings and that worry and seriousness have taken precedence over fun and passion in recent times.
Does anyone have any tips as to how to keep passion and love alive in a long term relationship we both want to continue to make work? Does it sound like it might be a simple case that she is losing interest in me? She told me she still loves me, that she is sure of that. Could it just be a classic example of the struggles of a LDR?
Thanks

Tasden

I can't really help you with the main issue but I think your girlfriend has a point about the discussions being heavy and a lack of fun etc.
And i will say that a cute message out of the blue will never go amiss. Im guessing yous have your routine of when you are free to chat etc and it can be a bit monotonous with "how was your day? Good how was yours? I miss you, i miss you too" etc. Maybe I'm wrong i dunno but I could imagine that happens ! :pac: kind of checking the box re communication.
A simple message in the middle of the day saying you saw X and it reminded you of the time we went X and it was funny, or whatever, is always lovely to recieve and brings the fun back a bit if that makes sense. Thats not me giving advice to overcome your issues though, just a thought! And if yous already do this then ignore my musings!

pookie82

Having done a LDR I can tell you now that being cute and romantic when apart is an absolute necessity. What else do you have if not that? You can't hug and fall into bed together at the end of a day, or even a week in your case.

So you need to put some effort into showing each other you care in other ways. You shouldn't ever go to bed without saying good night, same goes for the morning, if you have time. Make sure to set aside time each day/couple of days to talk on the phone. If you don't feel you can verbally express your feelings through that medium, make up for it over text.

Maybe you "dislike talking on the phone" but if you really want to make this work you're going to have to suck it up and do it. How else do you expect it to survive?

It's easy to let these things slide, but it's a death sentence to most relationships, and especially a LD one. You're just like electronic penpals if there's no romance or affection. She could be texting her housemate or best friend for all the difference.

In my case we used to text each other about every and any mundane or funny things that happened in our days to feel close. Didn't have to be a major news item. We also discussed when we were struggling (sometimes separately, he could be having a good day and I a bad one, or vice versa) but always rounded it off with reassurance and affection.

If you just call each other to have a moan, she's not going to be feeling any love here, and you can't give it to her by putting your arms around her, so what is she left with? Send her something ... flowers, a small, inexpensive item to show you're thinking of her, heck even a letter or a photograph? LD requires extra effort on both sides to keep things fresh.

pookie82

Edit: double post.