What to do with a 11 year old who won't stop soiling himself

house45

As the title says our son wont stop soiling himself every single day It's the same thing get up have a shower change pants a few hours later soiled again another shower we really are at breaking point it's so frustrating 😡. It's getting to the stage where he is using 6 yes six rolls of toilet paper a day!!! I'd say at a guess we have thrown out 50 pairs of pants as they are destroyed in ****. He would rather stand in the bathroom and soil himself than use the toilet. We have taken all his stuff off him , but no he still continues to do it !!!! Everything else is fine he's your typical kid . But it's getting so bad now that he can't go to friends party's or play over in his friends house or even play football because he always smells!!! We took him to see a doctor and was told to keep him on a high fibre diet done that never worked, told to do reward chart with him never worked nothing works , please tell me what are we going to do???? We are at breaking point!!! Thanks for listening but I just had to try and talk and get it out. And sorry for the badly worded questions!!

rainbowtrout

How long has this been going on? Did anything in particular happen that might have triggered the behaviour?

Oink

The kid needs professional help. You need to go and see another doctor. I'm no doctor myself but an 11y.o who soils himself needs more than a high fibre diet. This must have a serious impact on his life, don't wait. I don't see how you can help him on your own.

Avatar MIA

Proper medical help required immediately.

Seems like psychological issues. Again, not a doctor.

house45

Thanks to everybody that replied to my post. He come from a loving family of a father and mother who love him he has a little sister of 3 and has everything that a boy of his age could want that's what we can't understand it's really really frustrating ! Where would you recommend we could go and take him to see ?? As I said that's what the gp said?? Thanks

Water John

I wonder has he a phobia of toilet bowls? It would be a bit strange but maybe.
He may not be able to explain that or why.

gordongekko

If you are not having any luck with the doctor then mention it to the teacher. They may have seen this issue before. They also would be able to refer the child to neps if needed.

tuisginideach

I would go back to the gp or to another gp in the practice and insist that he sends you on to someone else. What happens during school time? Can he actually control the bowel when necessary?


We had an issue with our 10/11 yr old son (not physical, more emotional ) and a play therapist worked with him - fantastic success.

Water John

Yes, this is the time to get this looked into and solved. Don't take no from anyone, it may take a bit of search and luck but you will find the right person/professional to help you.
It is probably a physchological issue and you need a professional to get to the root of it.

Ruby31

My daughter had this when she was 7 - 8 years old. It sounds like constipation. Your son probably has a mass of compacted faecal matter sitting in his system and its the watery poo that basically slow-drips out of his bum all day. Sorry it's hard to describe properly but if you google, you'll find diagrams and info.

A prescription of movicol worked to clear the backlog, and then after that I kept feeding her all the anti-constipation fruits e.g. Ripe pears, grapes. Bran flakes are great. Ground flaxseed mixed into his food (always make sure he drinks water when taking flax as it absorbs loads of liquid).

Good luck. It is a horrible thing for your son and you to go through.

PucaMama

Why have you taken all his stuff off him over something he probably can't help

Avatar MIA

PucaMama wrote: »

Why have you taken all his stuff off him over something he probably can't help

Poor kid.

I think he has good, if misguided/badly advised parents.

Neyite

I think it was understandable that you initially saw it as a behaviour thing, especially when the GP more or less fobbed you off with bran flakes. But this to me sounds way past ordinary constipation.

But in light of it being ongoing, it does seem to suggest that there is something deeper going on than just a stubborn child -whether that's psychological or physical or by now, a mixture of the two.

One interesting thing I read when potty training, and I didn't know is that while humans cannot indefinitely hold their wee - it comes out at some stage - the bowel is different and you can literally hold in poo as long as you want to. This can result in an impacted bowel, and pain obviously, but having it ongoing can be dangerous. You do really need to bring him to a specialist, demand an urgent referral from a GP for a gastroenterologist, go to A&E, whatever it takes to be taken seriously.

Chances are that because its now being treated as disobedience rather than a medical issue in your home, your son might not be telling you if he is in pain, or discomfort - and you need to know if he is. Please reverse the punishments - be open and honest with him and tell him that you initially thought he was being bold but now you think its something a doctor needs to fix for him and you are very sorry. That he must tell you when he is sore, how he is sore etc so that you can get him medical help as soon as possible.

By this stage, he may have developed a fear of pooing too, so even when you sort out the physical issue, he may still have residual psychological fears to work on after that. You have my sympathies, we had a constipation issue after potty training my child and you know, I'd take the colic months again rather than go through coaxing him to go to the toilet, begging, bribing, the ruined underwear, the crying and moaning (and some of that was just me, not the toddler!)

On a practical level, could you get incontinence pads or underwear from a chemist for him - they could probably advise you on which ones would be best suitable. This will protect his clothes, are quite discreet, and designed for a situation like this. They would be only temporary until this gets sorted and lots of people use them.

Edward Hopper

Have a ten year old who soiled underwear everyday. He could spend half his day on the loo and still have soiled underwear a couple of hours later. His issue, it transpired, as others have suggested, was gross constipation, he was given significant amounts of paediatric movicol to clear initial "backlog" and now takes it once a day and his life, and ours has improved 100% (I'm not exaggerating). He'll go to the loo maybe once a day now, actually goes and has clean underwear virtually all the time.

I'd definitely recommend going back to gp or different gp, regardless if its a mental or physical thing your child shouldn't have their life ruined by such an upsetting thing.

byhookorbycrook

gordongekko wrote: »

If you are not having any luck with the doctor then mention it to the teacher. They may have seen this issue before. They also would be able to refer the child to neps if needed.

Neps are Educational Psychologists and it would not be an issue they would deal with. As a teacher, I certainly wouldn't have any qualification on an issue like this and wouldn't do anything for fear of worsening the issue. Go back to the gp for starters and as already suggested to another gp if needs be.

A child of that age deliberately soiling is not something I have seen in over 25 years of teaching.

ElleEm

What is your son actually saying about it?

Comerman

How does he explain it to you? I'm sure you've asked the question "Why?" does he say "I can't help it" or what? Also, I'd ditch the GP if it was my situation. Good luck in resolving the issue.

Sligo1

Your GP has been no help. I would prioritise him getting a referral to a gastroenterologist / colorectal specialist to rule out any medical issues first. Once medical issues have been ruled out (by a specialist not a GP!) that's when I would then look at psychological causes which may likely be the cause. Neyite gave good examples here.

Poor little fella. I know it must be very frustrating for you but don't punish him. Get help for him instead.

Ruby31

Sligo1 wrote: »

Your GP has been no help. I would prioritise him getting a referral to a gastroenterologist / colorectal specialist to rule out any medical issues first. Once medical issues have been ruled out (by a specialist not a GP!) that's when I would then look at psychological causes which may likely be the cause. Neyite gave good examples here.

Poor little fella. I know it must be very frustrating for you but don't punish him. Get help for him instead.

Just to add...and I don't mean to undermine other people's opinions / suggestions, but back when my daughter was going through this, teacher-friends of mine had me freaked out worrying about psychological issues that may have caused her toileting issues. It turned out that she simply became constipated because she was jusy busy being a child and having too much fun to be bothered going to the toilet. We also had her at Crumlin children's hospital for a kidney-scan as she was also getting UTI's regularly. Again, these were caused by holding her wee in until she literally couldn't hold it anymore. The doctor told me this is all very common in children.

_Brian

People are describing Overflow Diarrhoea, google it.

id be asking for a referral to a paediatric consultant rather than working with your GP.

Avatar MIA

....

Penny Dreadful

Ruby31 wrote: »

My daughter had this when she was 7 - 8 years old. It sounds like constipation. Your son probably has a mass of compacted faecal matter sitting in his system and its the watery poo that basically slow-drips out of his bum all day. Sorry it's hard to describe properly but if you google, you'll find diagrams and info.

A prescription of movicol worked to clear the backlog, and then after that I kept feeding her all the anti-constipation fruits e.g. Ripe pears, grapes. Bran flakes are great. Ground flaxseed mixed into his food (always make sure he drinks water when taking flax as it absorbs loads of liquid).

Good luck. It is a horrible thing for your son and you to go through.

Its over flow when it happens like that BUT there would also be significant pain or discomfort too.
My niece had this (compacted fecal matter) and it was a surprise to all of us as she appeared to be going to the bathroom normally. It was only when the pain became so bad that it seemed at first as though it was her appendix but later scans and tests showed it wasn't.

The OPs son sounds like he has more going on than a physical issue. If he has been going to the bathroom normally for years and this suddenly started to become his new normal then it needs to be looked into with moe than bran flakes.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Assuming it's not a medical issue (GP would have sorted it if it was) then I'm assuming psychological.

You need to get his side of the story here: what's his excuse? Is he rebelling against something? Maybe he's being bullied? An issue with his teacher or some other adult? Some external element of his life you don't bear witness to or have any control over?

intheclouds

What does your son say about it?