Is it wise to stay in touch?

annabann

I dated a guy for about a month we got on well but he explained that he wasn't in the right headapace for anything serious. He had recently broken up with his ex who still looked to him to support him with family issues. So he wanted to keep things easy going between us. This also suited me as I'm not long out of something and wanted to take my time before I decided where I want things to go with us. So he decided he needed some time to sort his head. So I had no problem with that and explain I wouldn't be waiting around for him either. He said he didn't expect me to wait about but not to be surprised if he contacted me again very soon. It was so soon in fact it was the next night. Then it was back to business as usual. He would text or call every day to see how my day went and would visit me at home. But then he got distant again would only call over for a while and would never stay. So I had it out with him and he came back to the same thing that he wasn't ready for anything now. So I agreed with him and said it was best to leave things as I didn't even know what I wanted either. Then strangely he turns around and says that he would like to stay in touch if I was ok with it. Of course I think why!? We only dated for a short period of time we weren't ever just friends so the usual thing is to cut contact. So I ask the direct question....why? His reply is because your really nice and you have a great way about you. Wtf does that even mean? I just wanted to know is he trying to keep me around until he decides he's ready and that I'll be an option if he wants me? All he could say is I think we should stay in touch...that's all!! So I dunno what he's thinking and I'm afraid I'll make a mistake in agreeing to it if he has ulterior motives. I do like him and get on great with him so id have no problem being a friend. But he had a whole convo with me once about how he didn't think men and women could be friends. So it makes me question his reasons more I guess. I just want to get other people's opinions

LegacyUser

Sounds like he is being honest and doesn't know what he wants.

All you need to do is give him a space and time to figure that out.

And how you do that is by never contacting him ever again and never responding to any attempts he makes to contact you.

Ursus Horribilis

Is this the same guy you posted about in December? http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin//showthread.php?p=98050644

Merkin

He wants to keep you on the subs bench. Seriously, he is totally wasting your time so just tell him you have enough friends and to stop bothering you. He either wants to be with you or he doesn't and he clearly doesn't or you'd be in no doubt about it. Cut contact.

Katgurl

Don't tell him anything, just stop replying. The fact he has such disregard for your feelings and only considers his own should tell you all you need to know about his character.

batmanrobin

OP, why don't you just block him? Genuine question. He hasn't and isn't offering you anything. He's keeping you on the back burner in the event he decides he might want something with you. For now, he's happy to have the ego stroke.

Block him and move on with your life. Believe me, I've been there, you don't want this head melt!!

annabann

Yes I've been in this situation recently and made a big mistake staying friends the guy ended up being completely psycho. I ended up blocking him from everything. So I am weary of this scenario. I don't think I stroke this guy's ego in any way. I was upfront when I told him I wasn't even sure I wanted anything with him and all I knew it's we got on and I enjoyed a good laugh with him when we did spend time together. I never instigated contact with him when we were dating and I don't think I'll do it now. I guess my intention is just to sit back and see what he does. I've no issue being friends with him. I'm just afraid to after what happened with the guy I broke up with in December. I don't seem to have the best luck with the guys I date lately so perhaps everyone's advice is right cut contact. But I am definate that I won't be the one contacting him. I'm friendly with his sister so I don't think he'll want to be seen as a dick to me. So that's the only reason I think maybe he's genuinely decent.

batmanrobin

By stroking his ego, I meant that you're still there engaging with him. That's the ego stroke. He knows he can blow as hot or as cold as he likes and you'll respond. Look at what you wrote. Every time you pulled back, he turned it up. When he got what he wanted i.e. a response from you, he cooled off. Rinse and repeat.

You're an option. OP, he'll keep you as one until he decides that he's done completely and then you'll never hear from him. Which would be no bad thing given what you've described.

Block him so that he can't get in touch. Forget about him and do it for yourself.

That sounds harsher than I intended. Just don't engage with him OP. You don't need to be friends with him or continue to engage with him.