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Would you date some one like this?

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  • 03-02-2016 10:24pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey,

    Personal issue, hence the anon.

    Essentially, I'm looking for peoples opinions, insights and/or advice into dating some one with human immunodeficiency commonly none as HIV.

    Quick background. 26 year old straight male who contracted the virus from an unknown female and a broken rubber (fun fact 25-30% of people with HIV don't know they have it).

    Any way. I'm slowly coming to terms with this but my question going forward is how to date with HIV. I find myself now very hesitant to even talk to women as I already know it will probably go no where due to the fact I would have to tell her prior to sex. And if thats early on in the relationship it probably won't go any further.

    Essentially I am looking for advice, ladies, would you walk away or stay, gents how would you go about approaching this subject. If you have HIV can you share your experience.

    Thanks for all your comments. And to MOD sorry if this is in the wrong place!
    Tagged:


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  • Options
    #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP gonna be very honest, if someone I was dating told me this I would be a tad freaked out, but also I wouldn't help but notice how much it says about you that you would tell the person this and give them the choice, it says a lot about you, it would tell me that you honestly cared about me and my health and not just looking for one thing, and that would mean a lot, so if I loved you it wouldn't stop me from being with you, although as i type this something comes to mind. It may be an issue if the woman wants to have children, so this may influence her? as ud have to be unprotected to do that soooo, I don't know, its like you can't really win in this situation, unless the woman herself already has it too, but chances would be fairly slim. Ugh. I guess all you can do is what you are doing, just maybe let her get to know you a bit before mentioning it, without sleeping together unless she's on board. Horrible situation but fair play to you for being so considerate.


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP, tough situation to be in but it doesn't mean your sex/dating life is over. There are dating websites out there that connect people with STDs, it might be worth looking in to as it would be the easiest way to get around the taboo of your situation.


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    #4
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    cestmavie wrote: »
    Hi OP gonna be very honest, if someone I was dating told me this I would be a tad freaked out, but also I wouldn't help but notice how much it says about you that you would tell the person this and give them the choice, it says a lot about you, it would tell me that you honestly cared about me and my health and not just looking for one thing, and that would mean a lot, so if I loved you it wouldn't stop me from being with you, although as i type this something comes to mind. It may be an issue if the woman wants to have children, so this may influence her? as ud have to be unprotected to do that soooo, I don't know, its like you can't really win in this situation, unless the woman herself already has it too, but chances would be fairly slim. Ugh. I guess all you can do is what you are doing, just maybe let her get to know you a bit before mentioning it, without sleeping together unless she's on board. Horrible situation but fair play to you for being so considerate.

    I could be wrong, but I thought there was a legal obligation to disclose this information before sleeping with someone? (so it's not 'considerate', it's required)

    Being 100% honest OP... it would scare me away. Not everybody is the same though and I think the suggestion above to try specific dating sites is a good idea.


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    #5
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    I think that not only would you have to find someone where you are both attracted to each other, but someone who knows about HIV. With newer drugs, and medically managing the condition properly, it is possible to live healthily with HIV, to have a safe sexual relationship with a non-hiv person, and even have a family. But it would take someone who is willing to learn a lot about your illness, and very honest and open communication I'd imagine.


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    #6
    zoobizoo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,715 ✭✭✭zoobizoo


    OP, rather than coming onto a forum like this, it might be better to talk to a HIV support group who would have first hand information for you.


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  • Options
    #7
    ElectraX
    Registered Users Posts: 399 ✭✭ElectraX


    Being totally honest, it would be a deal breaker for me.There indeed has been fantastic medical advancements made to ensure that HIV/AIDS is no longer a death sentence and it is still possible to have safe sexual relationships, however a partner needs to be given a choice, and that choice should be given early on.
    There is still a stigma attached to HIV so it is going to take someone very open minded so possibly looking for someone living with the same situation as suggested is a good move?


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