Transgender Kids / Children - Advice Please !!!

dogslife2014

My 11yo daughter has announced that she want to Transgender.

This is not the first time she has raised this subject and now 18 months later she has informed each member of her immediate family of her strong desire to TG - Quite simply she wants to be all BOY!

Her childhood interests have generally revolved around play with "boy toys" and her choice of clothes has for the most part consisted of jeans, hoodies, caps and runners. Makeovers, nail varnish and glam simply don't feature in her world.

My partner & I were not surprised by this announcement and have responded positively and intend to give her our full support. In the first instance we plan to visit her female GP who we hope will offer impartial advice and guidance in what steps we should take. We also hope this first step shows our daughter that we are united in our support for her quest.

We would appreciate any advice that followers may have and would be especially pleased to hear from other parents who have faced similar challenges.

Any advice would be welcome, please keep in constructive and bear in mind that by 2018 she moves into secondary school in rural ireland.

Thanks in advance

Elemonator

I'm afraid I cannot give you solid medical advice but it might be worthwhile keeping in mind that she is only 11 and puberty is only starting to kick in now. I know it left a good friend of mine confused for a few years about his sexuality as he developed as a person. Maybe hold out a bit, she may feel she's made a mistake in a few years (or maybe not).

As for secondary school, I personally wouldn't worry. I'm only out of places like that a few short years but I always found the kids there to be much more forward thinking than their elders, especially in older years.

Hope this helps.

Elemonator

I'm afraid I cannot give you solid medical advice but it might be worthwhile keeping in mind that she is only 11 and puberty is only starting to kick in now. I know it left a good friend of mine confused for a few years about his sexuality as he developed as a person. Maybe hold out a bit, she may feel she's made a mistake in a few years (or maybe not).

As for secondary school, I personally wouldn't worry. I'm only out of places like that a few short years but I always found the kids there to be much more forward thinking than their elders, especially in older years.

Hope this helps.

Pocoyo

dogslife2014 wrote: »

My 11yo daughter has announced that she want to Transgender.

This is not the first time she has raised this subject and now 18 months later she has informed each member of her immediate family of her strong desire to TG - Quite simply she wants to be all BOY!

Her childhood interests have generally revolved around play with "boy toys" and her choice of clothes has for the most part consisted of jeans, hoodies, caps and runners. Makeovers, nail varnish and glam simply don't feature in her world.

My partner & I were not surprised by this announcement and have responded positively and intend to give her our full support. In the first instance we plan to visit her female GP who we hope will offer impartial advice and guidance in what steps we should take. We also hope this first step shows our daughter that we are united in our support for her quest.

We would appreciate any advice that followers may have and would be especially pleased to hear from other parents who have faced similar challenges.

Any advice would be welcome, please keep in constructive and bear in mind that by 2018 she moves into secondary school in rural ireland.

Thanks in advance

Leave her on she can be a Tom Boy,When she reaches sexual maturity she will decide what sex she wants to be.

dogslife2014

Your comments are much appreciated. We want to be sure that she is certain of her decision and therefore not rush into anything.
She is very individual and has her own style, we just want her to feel free to express herself and she wishes and discuss how she feels.

sso

I am a teacher and we recently had a training session on trans gender. The woman giving it is a parent of a boy who registered as a girl at birth. It was very informative and helpful. I think she was from www.teni.ie I'd recommend getting in touch with them. They run training for parents and children/teens. There is a lot of help and experience out there. Good luck.

dogslife2014

Thank you very much I will follow up that lead

BunnyRabbit

First, thank you for supporting your child.

Secondly, speaking to your doctor is great, but you need to bear in mind this could well be the first time that your doctor has met anyone who is this way, so it is worth bearing in mind she might not have all the answers. This is something not generally covered at medical school. Your doctor will have to refer you to a specialist.

Thirdly, and I mean this with all respect, I wouldn't take Pocoyo's advice. Waiting until your child has reached sexual maturity is not the way I would want to go. I know they may be confused at that age, but if your child is transgender, letting them go through the "wrong puberty" will mean he'll have boobs he'll hate and probably want surgically removed.

If a specialist psychology team determine "she" actually may be a transgender "he" they can refer you to an endocrinologist to administer puberty blockers. While the effects of cross-hormone treatment are permanent and include sterility, all the blockers do is put natural puberty on hold to give you a "time out". If your child then decides they actually are a girl and were mistaken, she can come off them and puberty will take over. If they are a confirmed trans boy, then his body won't have been feminised by puberty.

fergal.b

We have been going through this the past few years although my daughter/son is a bit older and only felt comfortable fully coming out after starting collage where the students are much more open to all kinds of sexuality and thats a great relief to us,maybe if there were LGBT groups in secondary school he could have been a lot happier a lot earlier. As parents there is not much we have to do just carry on loving and supporting the same person that we always have, he has recently changed his name by deed poll and it's still a bit tricky trying to get it right along with the proper pronouns but we do try. At the moment he dresses as male and wears a binder there is also talk of hormone treatment in the near future but I don't think he wants to have surgery and I'm sort of glad about that as I wouldn't want to see him go through the pain of it and not be fully happy with the result but that's just me looking from my side. Like your child growing up I guess we should have picked up on it earlier but just put it down to being a tomboy, I did think it was a bit strange her not having any posters of boy bands on the wall you are lucky to have the time now to research every thing and help guide her/him through life and make it as comfortable as possible. My son missed out on his prom because he didn't feel comfortable but this weekend we went shopping to get suited up for the Queer prom I'm so happy for him to be living in this day and age it's not perfect but it's getting there.
Best of luck with your journey it may be a bit different to what you expected but that's what makes for an interesting life and once love is involved everything else can be overcome.





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Annasopra

Transparenci parents support group can offer advice/support

Contact details here

http://www.teni.ie/support.aspx?filter=FS

eviltwin

No advice OP, just wanted to say the support you and your partner are giving your daughter is amazing, it's a pity there aren't more like you.

deirdre_dub

Hi there,

First to introduce myself - I'm a 46 year old transgender woman. I did an AMA on my situation, which you can read here - http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057391372

Note that the email address I posted on that AMA no longer works - please feel free to send me a PM here if you would like to contact me.

I think the first thing I would like to say is that your child doesn't "want" to be transgender as such - they either are transgender, or they are not. And there are degrees of being transgender, and different ways people experience their transgender condition.

The second thing to say is that whereas the signs are there (consistent behaviour and gender expression from a young age, an apparent desire to transition), no-one but your child can tell you if they are transgender.

Now you seem to want to explore the possibility of your child transitioning. There are different "kinds" of transition - there is medical transition, legal transition, social transition etc.

For your child, because of their age, the only medical intervention available is "puberty blockers". These will prevent him from growing into a woman. It gives breathing space - in particular, it gives him time some experience in what is for most transgender people the most difficult kind of transition - namely social transition.

Before I go on to social transition, I'll touch on legal transition. You are all going to have to wait until he is approaching his 16th birthday - gender recognition is available in Ireland to 16-year-old with parental support. In the mean time I guess you could explore the possibility of a deed poll change of name if that is something he wants. I honestly don't know what the story is for a child having a deed poll change of name, but it will mean that he will be legally female with a male name. Whereas it can give rise to awkward (and sometimes funny) situations, it's not as big a problem as it might seem.

No we are on to social transition - the process of presenting as your true gender in society and being accepted as such. He's off to a good start in that he has your support - not many people have that. But this goes far beyond you. I think you are all going to just have to sit down and figure out a plan which works for his situation.

As I said, this goes far beyond him. It also has an effect on you. I've had long and hard talks with my father and some of my siblings. I understand that there can be a sense of loss - but what you are gaining is far better. You also have a child who is about to embark on an extraordinary journey. You may also have the fear my father expressed - name transphobic bullying and assault. The two most major incidents of assault I've suffered were full bottles of water being thrown at me, and being shot at by an air rifle from some distance away. In neither case was there blood drawn, or even impairment of my capacity to defend myself. And the Guards are taking both incidents seriously. And I live in a midlands small town.

But the vast majority of people who know that I'm transgender are completely fine with it. There is just one person in my life who struggles on a regular basis with pronouns (in spite of the fact that he never met the "male" me). It's quite possible to live a very good life as a transgender person. Indeed your child, if he eventually goes on to testosterone, will have the advantage that testosterone does a lot more for female-to-male transgender people than estrogen does for male-to-female.

All the best, and feel free to contact me through this site if you have any further questions that you would prefer to keep private, or if I can help in any other way.

deirdre_dub

Woops - I forgot to include some contact details of organisations.

As far as I am aware, puberty blockers are not available in Ireland. If they are, they are available through the endocrine unit in Loughlinstown Hospital in Co. Dublin, or through the endocrine unit in Galway Hospital. The contact in Loughlinstown is Prof O'Shea, and the contact in Galway is (I believe) Dr. Bell.

The primary clinic for transgender kids nearby is the Tavistock clinic in the U.K. A quick google search throws up this -

http://tavistockandportman.uk/care-and-treatment/information-parents-and-carers/our-clinical-services/gender-identity-development

Good luck

EDIT: And before the chorus of "you shouldn't do this to kids who couldn't possibly know who they are" - first of all, the average age at which a transgender person knows they are transgender is 7. Second, the puberty blockers are reversible - once you come off them, puberty continues down the course it would have taken if you were never on them. But if you are transgender, then the fact you were on puberty blockers makes any further interventions safer, easier, and more effective.