Straight insulting gay people in the George?

xavier8228

I was wondering what people's thought were on this?

The reason I ask is because my girlfriend went out tonight with her male friend (who is also gay). They went to the George and while out on the smoking area a guy approached her and asked was she gay. All normal so far. She. Said she was and didn't really talk to him. So he threw an insult at her and walked off. Something along the lines of "should have known you were a dyke in that outfit".
I am all for straight people mixing it up with us and having it all integrated but if someone is going to insult someone else for being gay in a gay bar is that too much?
What's the opinion on this? Am I totally in the wrong?

Thanks for reading!

xband

Totally out of order in any bar and especially a gay bar. They're supposed to be a "safe space" for gay people.

I'd report to the bouncers. Harassing customers in a bar = thrown out.

Annasopra

Yes its too much

You dont to lgbt spaces to be insulted

Greenmachine

Shouldn't have to put up with it anywhere. If he wanted to meet a straight woman, he shouldn't have went to a gay friendly bar. Gay or straight looks like you dodged a bullet with this guy. He sounds like an ass.

Pawwed Rig

Yes it is out of order in a gay bar or any bar. I would imagine the security in a gay bar would take a harder line though.

Dial Hard

Greenmachine wrote:

Shouldn't have to put up with it anywhere. If he wanted to meet a straight woman, he shouldn't have went to a gay friendly bar. Gay or straight looks like you dodged a bullet with this guy. He sounds like an ass.

I suspect any woman, gay or straight, who turned him down would have been similarly insulted. There's a certain type who assumes that any woman who doesn't immediately fall at their feet must be blind, stupid or gay. Possibly all three.

But I agree, a gay bar is not the place for straight people to be trying to score and insults based on orientation are particularly odious in that scenario.

What a wanker.

Annasopra

Dial Hard wrote: »

I suspect any woman, gay or straight, who turned him down would have been similarly insulted. There's a certain type who assumes that any woman who doesn't immediately fall at their feet must be blind, stupid or gay. Possibly all three.

But I agree, a gay bar is not the place for straight people to be trying to score and insults based on orientation are particularly odious in that scenario.

What a wanker.

I personally dont mind straight people kissing in gay bars at all but I know lbt women often find it frustrating to be chatted up regularly by straight men.

xband

It's also a really, really bad sign of someone's personality.

He lashed out verbally because she didn't do what he wanted. - not exactly what I would call boyfriend material!

Ash885

Friends have told me of being pointed at, sniggered and heckled in the gay bars by groups of people who they believed to be straight.

I do get annoyed of the stag and hen parties who go to the bars for 'the spectacle', and when they realise it's all pretty tame go out of their way for drama.

Ash885

Friends have told me of being pointed at, sniggered and heckled in the gay bars by groups of people who they believed to be straight.

I do get annoyed of the stag and hen parties who go to the bars for 'the spectacle', and when they realise it's all pretty tame go out of their way for drama.

xband

Bouncers obviously aren't being informed.

You've got to alert security staff to issues of harassment. It's important for your own safety and for everyone else's.

No issue whatsoever with straight people in gay bars. However, it's a gay bar and if you're not comfortable with that or there for giddy thrills / mocking people - there's a door : use it!

Rick_

On a night out in Union Street in Belfast a guy turned round to me and said "Don't touch me, f*gg*t". I hadn't, the place was rammed and I was holding 3 drinks and was pushed forward so the glass pressed on his back a bit. Obviously people are gonna be pushing past one another to get to the bar/toilet/seat so contact shouldn't be unexpected. Anything he felt was totally accidental, not my fault. I watched him as he went back to his group who were all similarly dressed guys (black leather jackets) who sat in the corner and were not talking or seemed to be having fun, they just were more intent to people watch. Looked very suspicious and I did notice him staring me out a few times when I was looking around the bar.

I did inform a bouncer, who then told me I should tell a bouncer. When I asked him what he was then if not a bouncer, he said he was just a doorman, yet was wearing the exact same outfit as other staff who you would immediately identify as the security staff. So after not being able to find another 'bouncer' to tell I decided to forget about it and we all just left and went to another bar.

Oddly enough, we are going out again this weekend in Belfast and may possibly be going back to Union Street, so hopefully things have improved.

wakka12

I wouldnt be that offended personally, just imagine how pathetic you'd have to be to go and pay into a gay bar just so you can insult gay people and act like you're better than them due to your heterosexuality. You'd have to be one really insecure piece of ****. Feel a little bit sorry for anybody like that, and Im not just saying that to make myself feel better. I would genuinely think that

wakka12

Sorry if this derails the thread, delete it if it does. But its a question I had thats club related and I didnt think it was worthy of its own thread seeing as how few threads/posts are made on this forum.
Almost every time my boyfriend and I kiss at a straight club a guy will come up to us and pat us on the back and say I completely support you guys or something to that effect. its definitely meant in a positive way. But does anyone think its slightly patronising? Obviously its nice that people are supportive of it and trying to show it, but isn't it encroaching on peoples personal space a bit? I can't help but feel very out of place when people do it, though I do appreciate them for being nice people. It makes me feel strange for being gay

xband

I think a lot of straight people feel the need to show support because they're aware of how badly gay people were treated and still are sometimes.

Yeah, maybe it's a little uncomfortable to have someone intrude like that but, it's intended to make you feel more comfort, safe and supported.

I wouldn't knock it tbh. There's still quite a way to go to eradicate discrimination and the thread above proves that. Those kinds of gestures really aren't intended to be patronising, they're very serious shows of support.

Arbiter of Good Taste

xavier8228 wrote: »

I was wondering what people's thought were on this?

The reason I ask is because my girlfriend went out tonight with her male friend (who is also gay). They went to the George and while out on the smoking area a guy approached her and asked was she gay. All normal so far. She. Said she was and didn't really talk to him. So he threw an insult at her and walked off. Something along the lines of "should have known you were a dyke in that outfit".
I am all for straight people mixing it up with us and having it all integrated but if someone is going to insult someone else for being gay in a gay bar is that too much?
What's the opinion on this? Am I totally in the wrong?

Thanks for reading!

It's horrible alright, but try not to read too much into it. As a straight woman (who admittedly hasn't been out to too many bars in a while), the amount of times something similar happened to me was shocking. You would be out with friends and some drunken fool would stumble over, drooling and slurring, thinking he was the next Casanova. You would politely tell him you were catching up with some friends you haven't seen in ages so would appreciate being left alone. Suddenly you would get dogs abuse - lesbian, dyke, blah, blah blah.

A$$holes are going to be a$$holes no matter where they are.

Only ever happened to me in Ireland. I've found people in most other modern cities to generally be civilised.

Speedwell

A straight guy walking up to a girl and asking her whether she's gay, then getting pissed off when she says yes? Folks, that's probably not insulting her because she's gay--he probably didn't even think she was gay--that's an attempted pickup using the "negging" tactic. You know, where some "pick up artist" wanker attempts to knock a woman off balance with a subtle put-down so he can make her feel like she has to defend herself by making herself pleasant to him. What he expected her to say was, "What? No, why would you think that?", and to think, "What's wrong, am I giving off some kind of weird vibe? I'd better be like extra sexy to this guy so he doesn't think that about me". Yes, it is insulting toward lesbians, and personally insulting to her as his "target", but probably not because he really thought she was a lesbian.

xband

I've had it in straight bars over the years (more late bars and clubs actually)

I've turned a woman down and been told I'm "fridgid" or "you're obviously gay.."

I've seen straight friends get the same abuse too.

I've also has my ass grabbed, my chest grabbed and worst of all was actually pushed against the wall by a woman who pushed her hands down my pants!!! If a guy did the same he would probably be doing prison time!!

I'm a 6'3" guy and I don't feel comfortable pushing women off because you can't really defend yourself and also I know I would get blamed and thrown out or worse.

So you're trying to politely remove the crazed sex fiend and fend her off with psychological tactics.

I'm a little more mature now and seem to not get quite the same attention but even so, it's not fun or flattering.

Unfortunately a % of people think they're some kind of gift to the world and that everyone should fancy them and anyone who doesn't needs to be insulted or mauled.

I seriously would not be surprised if some of these people actually go to gay bars trying to pick up gay people as a "challenge" to prove how "hot" they are to themselves!!

Some right asshats out there!

Ash885

Funny you should say that. As tragic as I am, began using Tindr again. A few lads I match then post saying they don't want to hurt me but are straight/curious and just wanted to see who found them attractive....is that actually a thing? Oh how I weep for humanity ^^'

irish_dave_83

Its just some people are morons really.
I'm straight and i've been to plenty of Gay bars with friends or colleagues, im often approached by guys and when they find out i'm straight after chatting to me for a few minutes, there is generally no issue and the chat will continue or they will move on. On one or two occasions guys have got really angry and started name calling (loudly, which was quite embarrassing). So the reverse can happen.

In regard to the OP's scenario the guy was obviously an idiot, but this type of guy would be an idiot if a straight girl rejected him i would imagine.

irish_dave_83

Its just some people are morons really.
I'm straight and i've been to plenty of Gay bars with friends or colleagues, im often approached by guys and when they find out i'm straight after chatting to me for a few minutes, there is generally no issue and the chat will continue or they will move on. On one or two occasions guys have got really angry and started name calling (loudly, which was quite embarrassing). So the reverse can happen.

In regard to the OP's scenario the guy was obviously an idiot, but this type of guy would be an idiot if a straight girl rejected him i would imagine.

xavier8228

I think the issue with the man was more the fact that my girlfriend didn't really talk to him. She's quite shy and doesn't talk easily to strangers whereas I would talk randomly to people all night! Thank god I wasn't there because I would have gone mad if I heard him say that to anyone but especially my girlfriend.

xband

irish_dave_83 wrote: »

Its just some people are morons really.
I'm straight and i've been to plenty of Gay bars with friends or colleagues, im often approached by guys and when they find out i'm straight after chatting to me for a few minutes, there is generally no issue and the chat will continue or they will move on. On one or two occasions guys have got really angry and started name calling (loudly, which was quite embarrassing). So the reverse can happen.

In regard to the OP's scenario the guy was obviously an idiot, but this type of guy would be an idiot if a straight girl rejected him i would imagine.

I think we can safely conclude that a % of the population (all genders and orientations) are complete asshats!

The only issue I would say is that in a LGBT venue there is a tiny risk of an actual gay basher type arriving in. That's why I would suggest alerting security if there's anyone hassling people

wakka12

Ash885 wrote: »

Funny you should say that. As tragic as I am, began using Tindr again. A few lads I match then post saying they don't want to hurt me but are straight/curious and just wanted to see who found them attractive....is that actually a thing? Oh how I weep for humanity ^^'

Thats never happened me, but I know of several straight girls who match with lesbians to see what girls they'd be able to get with if they were lesbian

wehuntmonsters

Is it just me or does anyone else find it rather sad that men go looking for a hookup with a woman in a gay bar? Surely they know that 90 - 95% of the women there are gay? Losers!

Annasopra

wehuntmonsters wrote: »

Is it just me or does anyone else find it rather sad that men go looking for a hookup with a woman in a gay bar? Surely they know that 90 - 95% of the women there are gay? Losers!

I've no problem with it. Its the insulting bit that I hate.

wakka12

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

I've no problem with it. Its the insulting bit that I hate.

I have no problem with it either but the question is why would a man go looking for women at a gay bar. I feel theres some other aspect involved that would motivate a guy to do that