Called no craic for not drinking.

Struggling

So I work in a large office where people like to go out drinking a lot. It's not really my scene, I'm not a big drinker. I attended the Christmas party etc and if I have to i will go for 1 or 2 on a Friday if work colleagues I know are going. However they mostly tend to go mid week and on a big one the day after pay day. I'm not on a great salary and pay a big chunk of it to cover my rent monthly and bills which leaves me with less than I'd like to do me the month. Every time I'm asked I politely decline but its met with a lot of digs "you're no craic" "you're such a Granny" "your evenings must be so boring" its really getting to me, my evenings are usually spent cooking dinner with my other half, unwinding in front of the TV or out walking with one of my friends. And I love it. Im also an hours commute from work and get brutal hangovers which i couldnt face work after. Doing rounds with work colleagues is really not my thing but I hate the comments and digs I get , people thinking I'm boring because I'm not a big drinker. One guy told me he spent 200 on one of these nights out doing rounds. I'm into a lot of things and travel at every opportunity which being a big drinker would mean I probably wouldn't be able to do. How can I get these people off my back, its really upsetting me.

The Bishop Basher

Slightly different scenario here but I gave up drink last March and the reaction of other people has been the only really challenging aspect of the last 10 months.

I've had no second thoughts or battles raging in my own head but i've constantly had to deal with the battles raging in others...

Once you realise that their reaction is nothing to do with your choices and everything to do with theirs it gets a lot easier.

We make our own decisions in this life. You've stepped away from the crowd and some people really don't like it. By staying sober, you force them to confront some realities about their own relationship with alcohol and that makes them uncomfortable.

Thing is, you can't change how they react. You can only change how you respond. I've found just being aware of their reasons makes it a lot easier to deal with as it's not personal. It also helps to be assertive. You've made your choices just as everyone else makes their's. You've stepped away from the crowd and should be proud of that. Be very clear that you choose not to drink and would like people to respect that decision just as you respect theirs.

Anyway, no easy answer here but stick at it and they'll get the message eventually.

Rubberchikken

just keep soing what you're doing.
you go to the christmas party. you go out with them once in a while. sounds fine to me.

it also sounds like you have a life outside work that you're happy with, so don't let what is thoughtless chatter bother you.

tbh if i had 200 euro to spend, i wouldn't be spending on rounds like your workmate nor would i be proud of it. too much waste.

just train yourself to keep ignoring the jibes, they'll get the message eventually.

intheclouds

Yeah, great craic wasting all your money paying for hangovers.

Tell them you dont need booze to have a good time and let them at it. They sound like eejits.

Sunny Dayz

How your work mates are reacting says more about them than it says about you. They can't handle the fact that someone has a mind and a will of their own! And how you spend your time and money outside of work shouldn't be an issue for them.


OP you mention that you are into a lot of things and travel at every opportunity - maybe tell you work colleagues about this - eg tell them about your interests or where you want to travel to next. Then when they complain about you not going out, you can say "sure aren't I saving up for a trip to Croatia" or "I have [insert hobby] after work/first thing Sat morn" or "I need to get new equipment for [hobby].


They will soon cop on that you are having a great time with your hobbies/trips away and all they are doing is drinking a hole in their wallet.

I wouldn't even try to justify your reasons to your immature workmates.
If it was me I'd just tell them I'd prefer to spend time with my partner/ friends. You see enough of work mates at work!

They are not really your friends, you just work with them. Your real friends know what you're like and love you for it.
Don't mind the crowd of sheep.

zoobizoo

What age are they?

Early 20s.....then they haven't quite copped on that there's more to life (generalising I know but at that age, everyone in our office went out bar one girl who headed to the gym on Friday nights - I couldn't understand it then, I do now). Many people go from drinking with school mates, to drinking with college people, to drinking with work colleagues and they don't realise that others do not do this.

I use my hobby as a reason for not drinking more or staying out late (if I don't want to drink or stay out late)... "I'm off lads, up at six to hit the road". Not that I need a reason or an excuse but it makes it easier for them to understand why I don't want to stay out til two or three in the morning.

I wouldn;t give an excuse though.... but I would disarm them with; "nah, couldn't be arsed" or "nah, no interest" .... what can they say to that?

Turtle_

On the plus side, they like you enough to want you to go out with them. Probably easier to say something like you wish you could but... And make your excuses. Even just that you get the worst imaginable hangovers and just can't go out on a weeknight

zoobizoo

What age are they?

Early 20s.....then they haven't quite copped on that there's more to life (generalising I know but at that age, everyone in our office went out bar one girl who headed to the gym on Friday nights - I couldn't understand it then, I do now). Many people go from drinking with school mates, to drinking with college people, to drinking with work colleagues and they don't realise that others do not do this.

I use my hobby as a reason for not drinking more or staying out late (if I don't want to drink or stay out late)... "I'm off lads, up at six to hit the road". Not that I need a reason or an excuse but it makes it easier for them to understand why I don't want to stay out til two or three in the morning.

I wouldn;t give an excuse though.... but I would disarm them with; "nah, couldn't be arsed" or "nah, no interest" .... what can they say to that?

CorkFenian

I had to give up drinking altogether in September 2011 until October 2013...Due to panic attacks also I was and still am taking medication , lithium. Drink in moderation mostly now the odd big night....So it was best to stop then, it was at the time mainly because of panic attacks....It was other people , especially half strangers at work etc that made it very hard...

Its very easy to say turn the other cheek but its hard it would really be quite tough but i knew i couldnt drink. One on one relationships and ones with good friends were really improved for the most part..Best of luck with it, if you act like you care they will keep doing it...Years ago i worked with a few people who didn't drink but they didn't care what anyone thought, try to be like that , they will move onto someone else, just the way it works....

LegacyUser

Hi OP.
For what it's worth, I think you're handling this really well and maintaining healthy boundaries with work colleagues. I don't know what age you are, but you come across as having a very mature approach to this. In the past I placed great emphasis on the 'work hard, play hard' philosophy which inevitably led to spending a lot of time socially with colleagues one or 2 week nights and most Fridays (I dread to think how much money I peed up the wall during these years, but that's a separate issue).

On reflection, I now wished I'd had a bit more balance - while I was out having the craic, my partner was at home, watching tv, not wanting to go to sleep until I was home etc and I feel a sense of regret when I think back on this. I'm lucky that we have a great relationship still but i sometimes think I could have invested more in it rather than prioritising spending time with colleagues, all of whom turned out to be transient characters in my life and none of whom I see or hear from now. I'd love to say that this socialising helped me get up the career ladder, but it absolutely didn't.

So, OP - fast forward 5, 10 years etc - who are going to the important people in your life
and what are the relationships that are worth investing in? I think you know the answer!

Struggling

Thanks for the replies. Totally agree with what everyone has said. I'm 29 the others range from 23 to late 30's. It came up in conversation that I was going on holiday in march and again in may and one of them commented that she couldn't afford to go to Spain this year and I did say well that's why I'm not big into socialising here. But its still met with a confused look. I remember saying to one of them "I'm just not big into drinking" and I can still hear her laugh. I was dying to reply with "and beyond drinking what have you got to show for your money?" But I don't really care what other people do just wish they would feel the same.

tomwaterford

Just ignore them??

If you've better things to do/don't want to go drinking...don't go!


Life's too short to be nursing hangovers regularly and with you living an hour away....tell them youve stuff to do in morning/taxi is too dear

Rhea Rose

Hey OP. How old are you? I had the same issues when I was working large offices in my early 20's, I got on okay with everyone but I never really fit into that 'clique' because I just didn't fancy drinking every Friday night. I always preferred a great night out every few weeks rather than drinks after work every single weekend with people I didn't have any real interest in. I also used to get the whole 'won't you be fed up at home' speeches, but I just shrugged it off and did what I wanted to do - and felt better for it! Sure, I'd go on a mad one with them the odd time, but I hated the way they'd go 'ah we didn't know you were so much craic' etc., for that one night - just because I was drinking. Ridiculous.

Honestly, my advice is to ignore any jibes and just do what you feel like doing. If you feel like a few drinks, then go, and if you don't - then go home and do your own thing. You've no obligation to be besties with your work mates and you definitely have no obligation to get tanked with them every weekend. I work alone now for the most part, so I don't have that specific problem anymore, but I can definitely relate to it.

You sound much more interesting than the office sheep who do nothing but work towards the weekend, blow all their cash, and repeat. So, don't change - keep it up. The world needs more people like you

Rhea Rose

Struggling wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. Totally agree with what everyone has said. I'm 29 the others range from 23 to late 30's. It came up in conversation that I was going on holiday in march and again in may and one of them commented that she couldn't afford to go to Spain this year and I did say well that's why I'm not big into socialising here. But its still met with a confused look. I remember saying to one of them "I'm just not big into drinking" and I can still hear her laugh. I was dying to reply with "and beyond drinking what have you got to show for your money?" But I don't really care what other people do just wish they would feel the same.

Just saw that you're 29 - sorry, I missed that post! I'm the same age and I definitely wouldn't stand for that kind of nonsense from them now. No-one should make you feel 'boring' just because you don't have the same priorities that they do. Especially when yours make more sense! I can't believe these are people in their late 20's/early 30's, you'd think they'd have wised up a bit by now. Like the other posters said, focus on the people whose friendships you value most and dedicate your time to them. That's what I do, and it hasn't served me wrong yet.

Ursus Horribilis

I don't have any new advice to offer you but I just wanted to chip in and say that you don't sound boring or grannyish. You're unfortunate to find yourself in a job with people whose attitude towards alcohol is about as immature as it gets. Do none of these people have families at home or bills to pay? Next time their jibes get to you, think of that plane leaving the tarmac and the holiday you'll be going on. There's no reasoning you can do with people who don't see anything wrong with blowing €200 on a night out.

Struggling

You are all totally right. It's nice to not feel like the only one. There's a big night out next month for a friends birthday and that I'm looking forward to. Catch up on real things and not talking about work clients over beers in your sweaty work clothes you've been sat in all week. Do people really enjoy that? The mind boggles!

L.Jenkins

I had an issue with drinking in my early 20s. Now that I'm 30, I don't drink and I don't care for night clubs or pubs. If I must drink, it's rare, it will only be one.

Pawwed Rig

I would keep it light if I was you as you don't want a strained relationship with your colleagues. I go to the odd night out but as I have kids I get a pass from any pressure.
The last time I told them that it was bad enough spending the working day with them rather than giving up my own time too As I said keep it light and you can almost say anything.

El_Duderino 09

Fair play, OP. I really enjoy drinks with my work mates and there are usually 1 or 2 who aren't drinking. Nobody questions them on it and everyone gets a few giggles. The non drinkers tend to leave early because they have things to do that night or in the morning or because drunk people aren't half as funny as they think they are.

I was at a work table quiz on Thursday night. Great craic and 2 on my team weren't drinking.

I wouldn't be the slightest bit defensive about it. Id go straight on the attack and tell them they're sh1t craic and can't hold an interesting conversation after 2 pints so you are happy that you're getting their best craic when they're sober.

Get new mates. You're better than these Wazzocks

InterestedK

Hi OP,

I'm 20 and a complete non-drinker, i just don't like the taste of alcohol and I also just don't like the thought of not being in total control of myself, obviously that only happens though when it is taken in excess!

Anyway, telling people at age 20 that I don't drink can be quite a hard thing to do, with many college nights out, meeting new people in college and trying to make friends many seeing it as being 'dry' and as you said me being 'no craic'. I just try to avoid these people, let them think what they want. The decision that I have made is one that I am very comfortable with and is one that I will stick by.

It is met by mixed reactions, some saying that they respect the fact that I don't drink and I am still great craic on a night out, and also then by the immature ones who just tell me that I'm boring, blah blah blah!

My advise to you, would be to not listen to the begrudgers, the ones that are trying to put you down about not drinking and trying to making you feel like an outsider due to your decision. Listen to the ones who respect your decision, and more importantly, those who are your closest friends, family and partners will accept your decision and more than likely be completely fine with it.

People are always going to have mixed reactions when you tell them (I don't know why, but they do), but once you are comfortable with your own decision, that it all that matters!

It is more admirable what you are doing - saving money for travelling, spending time with your other half and going out with your real friends, than what your work mates are doing - blowing 200e each time they go out!!

Struggling

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I go to the odd night out but as I have kids I get a pass from any pressure.

I need to get myself a kid!! "Can't go gotta collect the kids" seems like a perfect escape plan! 😂

Deco99

I love going for pints. But I hate going to work hungover, I hate trying to play sports anything upto 4 days after a session. I cant justify spending the money on going out, booze and taxis. Other things to get. Anyone says I'm boring i just tell them I'm ahead of the curve. Be like me. I do like pints just not the cost or hangovers.

Ursus Horribilis

What you could do is decline the invitations in a jokey manner, like what Pawwed Rig suggested. You could take the mick out of your boringness and tell them you can hear your pipe and slippers calling. As you've already identified, they're not your friends. They're people who will vanish from your life soon after you or they leave the job.

lisasimpson

I so know the feeling OP. Im not a big drinker anymore.got tired of the hangovers and rather spend the money on seeing the world and save for a place of my own.im lucky ive a few friends that dont drink but then work situations does my head in...are you pregnant...its a free bar why arent you drinking...the list goes on and on..what reallt got on my nerves was a christmas party a few years ago..i didnt drink that night even though again free bar...i stayed till 2am and when i was leaving my manager asked where was i going.when i said i was going home another team member turned and said she might as well sure she aint drinking... its immaturity on some peoples behalf

Struggling

Odus fell down wrote: »

What you could do is decline the invitations in a jokey manner, like what Pawwed Rig suggested. You could take the mick out of your boringness and tell them you can hear your pipe and slippers calling. As you've already identified, they're not your friends. They're people who will vanish from your life soon after you or they leave the job.

That's what I sometimes do, reply with "nah gotta wash my hair tonight" or "nah staying in to watch fair city"

Struggling

lisasimpson wrote: »

I so know the feeling OP. Im not a big drinker anymore.got tired of the hangovers and rather spend the money on seeing the world and save for a place of my own.im lucky ive a few friends that dont drink but then work situations does my head in...are you pregnant...its a free bar why arent you drinking...the list goes on and on..what reallt got on my nerves was a christmas party a few years ago..i didnt drink that night even though again free bar...i stayed till 2am and when i was leaving my manager asked where was i going.when i said i was going home another team member turned and said she might as well sure she aint drinking... its immaturity on some peoples behalf

Wow! Wouldn't you love to just shake these people and ask them what the problem is and tell them that "actually your the boring one that's why I'm leaving" lol

lisasimpson

Haha and a friend of hers near 40 was passing comments the same night and then in work passes comments im always on holidays that i must be on a big wage..im not..one day i answered i dont smoke dont drink everytime im out and im a bit young to be at home praying for a peaceful death.....she never asked again but probably read the behind of me behind my back

Ave Sodalis

Not much else to offer OP except to say I'm also a nondrinker and feel the pressure. I used to really enjoy going out anyway but it got harder and harder to deal with drunk people. Now I don't go out at all. As a result, I've recently bought a car, a new helmet and a decent tripod for my camera, none of which are cheap, especially since I'm on minimum wage. However, my left over wages can all go on getting myself practical stuff like that.

I do know the attitude towards drink can be quite unhealthy though. But if they're cheeky enough to tell you you're boring (which I got a lot of too, even when I did go out), ask them how that can be when you don't need to completely alter your mental state in order to enjoy yourself. It usually shuts them up when they realise you think they're boring for drinking.

xband

Mrs Doyle on Father Ted sums up the peer pressure pusher very well.

A bit of a different problem here but similar attitudes experienced!

I'm not able to drink beer and I can't eat bread etc due to being coeliac. Not only that but if I do accidentally eat it I'm sick for days with weird bloating and tiredness as I react fairly dramatically to gluten.

The number of times I've had people trying to convince me (in the past successfully) to just have one pint or "its only a sandwich, it won't kill you" is crazy.

I was called into HR while working a job while doing my masters because I wouldn't participate in their "pizza parties" and was told I was "stuck up" and "thought I was too good for my colleagues".

More recently I had an employer tell me that I was making a scene by not eating sandwiches at a hosted meeting ... Apparently I had "insulted" our hosts.

I also get regular lectures about my "fad diet"...

So basically there are people out there who will see nothing wrong with forcing their narrow minded view of the world on you and think that being a coeliac is "making a fuss".

Just ignore the colleagues. Typical peer pressuring idiots.

Spending €200 on rounds is also buying friendship or showing tendencies towards being an alcoholic. Not binge drinking isn't a problem - at present Ireland's on a course for a major epidemic of serious liver problems!!

LegacyUser

Struggling wrote: »

So I work in a large office where people like to go out drinking a lot. It's not really my scene, I'm not a big drinker. I attended the Christmas party etc and if I have to i will go for 1 or 2 on a Friday if work colleagues I know are going. However they mostly tend to go mid week and on a big one the day after pay day. I'm not on a great salary and pay a big chunk of it to cover my rent monthly and bills which leaves me with less than I'd like to do me the month. Every time I'm asked I politely decline but its met with a lot of digs "you're no craic" "you're such a Granny" "your evenings must be so boring" its really getting to me, my evenings are usually spent cooking dinner with my other half, unwinding in front of the TV or out walking with one of my friends. And I love it. Im also an hours commute from work and get brutal hangovers which i couldnt face work after. Doing rounds with work colleagues is really not my thing but I hate the comments and digs I get , people thinking I'm boring because I'm not a big drinker. One guy told me he spent 200 on one of these nights out doing rounds. I'm into a lot of things and travel at every opportunity which being a big drinker would mean I probably wouldn't be able to do. How can I get these people off my back, its really upsetting me.

Tell them you can't drink for medical reasons ...

Ave Sodalis

Bateye wrote:

Tell them you can't drink for medical reasons ...

I disagree with this. It just encourages the idea that the only valid reason not to drink is because there's something wrong with you.

Clampdown

They don't like to see you not drinking because they think you will judge them for their idiotic behavior when drunk, whether you are or not.

When I quit drinking, most friends were supportive but some made similar comments. I realized they were just uncomfortable because they didn't want to confront their own drinking habits the way I had. They either thought, 'Clampdown drinks less than me, if he thinks he needs to stop, how bad am I?' Or maybe 'Clamodown was the worst drunk of all of us, but he's not drinking so now I might be the worst!'

I have so many reasons not to drink. I try to use the more sensible ones like 'I can't afford it, I'm saving for x', or 'I'm trying to lose weight'. I can also use 'i have psoriasis and alcohol flares it up.' If I really need to shut them up I can just say 'My father's alcohol ism destroyed my parents' marriage and caused him to acquire terminal liver cancer.' Which is all true.

Try ringing them for a chat early in the morning after they've been out binging. If they're not up for it say 'You're no craic!', call them a lightweight and hang up.

Or just be glad you figured out early on that alcohol is a depressant drug that is overpriced and makes people act like jerks and that the older you get the worse the hangovers are and the more pathetic you look falling round the place. You're happy being sober, that's all you need. Drinking eventually makes most people miserable but they don't want to admit it, and many people need it to loosen up or dull emotional pain. Some people can just take a few social drinks and be pretty normal. Those type of people will never make a big deal out of your choice not to drink. Only the ones who HAVE to drink will, and it's because they probably know deep down they have an unhealthy relationship with drink. But that's their problem, not yours.

Clampdown

They don't like to see you not drinking because they think you will judge them for their idiotic behavior when drunk, whether you are or not.

When I quit drinking, most friends were supportive but some made similar comments. I realized they were just uncomfortable because they didn't want to confront their own drinking habits the way I had. They either thought, 'Clampdown drinks less than me, if he thinks he needs to stop, how bad am I?' Or maybe 'Clamodown was the worst drunk of all of us, but he's not drinking so now I might be the worst!'

I have so many reasons not to drink. I try to use the more sensible ones like 'I can't afford it, I'm saving for x', or 'I'm trying to lose weight'. I can also use 'i have psoriasis and alcohol flares it up.' If I really need to shut them up I can just say 'My father's alcohol ism destroyed my parents' marriage and caused him to acquire terminal liver cancer.' Which is all true.

Try ringing them for a chat early in the morning after they've been out binging. If they're not up for it say 'You're no craic!', call them a lightweight and hang up.

Or just be glad you figured out early on that alcohol is a depressant drug that is overpriced and makes people act like jerks and that the older you get the worse the hangovers are and the more pathetic you look falling round the place. You're happy being sober, that's all you need. Drinking eventually makes most people miserable but they don't want to admit it, and many people need it to loosen up or dull emotional pain. Some people can just take a few social drinks and be pretty normal. Those type of people will never make a big deal out of your choice not to drink. Only the ones who HAVE to drink will, and it's because they probably know deep down they have an unhealthy relationship with drink. But that's their problem, not yours.

Payton

Well done you for standing up to the bullies. It's your choice not to drink and to be honest in what you have posted you like to travel too and again you were mocked and suggestions made. I admire you for your choices in life as your getting what you want from it.
Leave them to their cheap comments as like most work places if it wasn't your drinking it would be your choice of lunch or your clothes coordination and I'd suspect that deep down 1 or 2 actually admire you but the sheep mentality causes them to throw their orr in.
Like yourself and other posters here I gave up drink, for me it was a lifestyle choice...I wanted to get fitter...I have some personal stuff going on which I didn't need clouding over. I was at 5 Xmas parties and really enjoyed myself, dancing all night with no clouded head and do you know what? Life goes on...night follows day...it's not the end of the world..for the sheep it would be as they have a lot to lose.
Be proud of yourself for the choices that you make YOUR life and that someone is not making the choices for you.

The_fever

I gave up drinking eight years ago. Not had a drop since. I love it, to hell with the begrudges. What other people think of you is none of your business.

Keep doing what you are doing