Horrible fear of brain aneurysm. My life is going in circles.

LegacyUser

Feel like my life is going around in circles at this stage. I had a headache in the back of my head when I was 16 or 17, and decided to google what might be the cause. I was horrified to see brain aneurysm as one of the possibilities. I promptly went to the doctor, was sent for a CT angiogram (a test that looks at the artieries of the brain). And everything was clear.

Eight years later, I'm now 25 years of age and going through the exact same fear. I spent a whole night on the internet last night reading about brain aneurysms. I convinced myself that because my headaches are localized to one side of the head, it could be a warning sign of a growing aneurysm.

It's so annoying because I love life, yet I spend so much of it in a constant state of fear. I think the specific fear of brain aneurysm is the lack of control I have over it. I might just have one and be dead within seconds. Other things like heart disease I can control to an extent, but aneurysms just kill you on the spot like that. It freaks me the **** out.

After my results came back clear, I was ok for a couple of years and then I began to focus on other things that can cause sudden death such as cardiac arrythmia and other heart related issues. I had the whole gamut of tests done and nothing was wrong.

I spent all last night debating going to the ER. I eventually fell asleep. Now that I'm awake again I'm thinking maybe I should just go and get tested. But I'm sick of spending my life either thinking about things that will kill me or wanting to get tested. eight years after my fear started I am back to where it all began.

I'm such a messed up individual who appears quite normal on the outside. But the things that go on in my head are ruining my life. I don't know if anyone could offer me words on here or if anyone can empathize with my fear, but it felt good to write this out anyway. I can't tell anyone about it because they will think I'm bat-**** crazy.

It's kind of ironic because I have a friend who suffers from paranoia and when he talks about what goes through his head I think "that is ridiculous". But if another person knew what went through my head, they would think the exact same thing. Thanks for reading anyway.

amdublin

Would you think about going to a counsellor to talk through this issue?

eeguy

You're a hypochondriac.
Most headaches are a single spot.

If you have any sort of ache or pain Google will tell you its cancer.

There's plenty of things that can instantly kill you that you have no control over.

You should focus on living your life not worrying about things completely outside your control.

beks101

Agree with the above. Sounds like you're dealing with some form of anxiety problem and possibly projecting that into this seeming paranoia about your physical health.

We're all going to die. Whether it's hit by a car or slowly through disease or sudden death or old age or suicide or whatever, we'll all be kicking the bucket and no-one, not one of us, can predict when. Death is a part of life.

Stop researching ways of dying and instead devote that time to looking into good counsellors or psychotherapists or CB therapists in your area, and invest the time into finding the right fit with someone who will help you get to the bottom of your anxiety issues. That's the bigger deterrent to your quality of life right now and in the future.

jockeyboard

It sounds like you have obsessive intrusive thoughts. I have had these in the past but not relating to health issues. You need to go to gp and go for cbt asap before this actually affects your health.

jockeyboard

Ps, you will be able to feel well again! But you need to get help.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,
I could have written your post word for word. In the past year I have suspected I've had bowel Cancer, brain tumours, MS, ovarian cancer and much more. My doctor won't even test me for things at this stage.
Headaches are really common with stress, there is a muscles at the back of your head neck that if you push causes and awful pain and causes a headache.
Perhaps give CBT a try it can be very beneficial for some, it didn't work for me but I am am extreme worrier and even the CBT was stressing me out.
Also if your GP knows you they could suggests ways for you to overcome anxiety. Mine suggested anti depressants but we'd be talking about bring on them long term or for life and I'd be too stressed about side effects.
I suppose I can't really give much advice as I am still very much a hypochondriac myself. One thing I have done is blocked medical websites on my computer, that might help.

pookie82

Oh OP, I could have written this post in the past too!!! I know exactly how you feel and so do thousands of others, so please stop feeling you're a freak or alone in this.

What you are suffering from is anxiety, and for some reason it's centering around your health. When this happened to me it was a very volatile time in my life and I think a symptom of my feeling a "loss of control" which for some reason manifested as a terror of illness and death. In my own case I blame many things:

Medical books in the house when I was younger, I'd pore over them through curiosity but suddenly diagnose myself with everything, and I suppose the knowledge of all that COULD go wrong was always in the back of my mind from that too.

An illness for a couple of years in my teens which consumed my life and made me realise how "out of control" I felt when sickness took over. I think it left me with a fear of it ever happening again.

A general hypochondria that I think I inherited from my mother!!

In any case, this all spiraled out of control a couple of years ago and when something completely unrelated but traumatic happened to me, the health fears crept in to an obsessive extent. I'd "feel" and "notice" things that I hadn't before, I'd google symptoms and hone in on the worst result (not hard to find on google), then I'd obsess over reading all about it and feeling new symptoms the next day, simply from having read them. I'd lie awake at night terrified I was dying and that no one would believe me and it was incurable and I was going to die young and in pain.

This went on for months until I saw a doctor about my physical symptoms, fully convinced he would immediately rush me to the nearest specialist/ER. What he did instead, after carrying out a few physical tests, was suggest a counsellor for me. This caught me off guard a little, but I decided to go with it.

It was the single best "treatment" I have ever gotten. All of my (seemingly deadly) symptoms were actually just physical manifestions of stress, and by stressing ABOUT them, I made the cycle worse. As soon as I began talking to a therapist, they slowly, one by one, evaporated. They were all very real and WERE happening, but most of them were stress induced and psycho somatic. The brain is a marvelous but sometimes dangerous thing.

Have you ever heard someone discuss head lice and then developed an uncontrollable scalp itch out of nowhere, even though you're not affected? It's kind of like that, but stronger. It's an empathetic reaction to something you read/see/hear about and then *think* you have ... your body starts to mimic actual symptoms.

For what it's worth, a recurring, localised headache on one side or point of the head sounds like a migraine. They're severe but they won't kill you and are easily treatable once you know what you're dealing with. I did have some physical exams/scans that put my mind at ease, but I had to keep telling myself when I felt my thoughts spiral again "trust your doctor. You just HAVE to trust he would find something if it was there". And please, stay away from the internet. It's an obsession that can get out of control. I had to absolutely BAN myself from googling, be really strict with myself and say "no" every time I went to read symptoms or google a new feeling. At one stage I was sitting up at night poring over medical pages working myself into a frenzy. It was that bad!

Have your GP recommend a good therapist and take it from there. You will conquer this!! Nowadays when I get generally stressed in life I do feel it try to worm it's way in ... a creak in my neck is a tumour, or a headache a disease, but now I have the power to "stop" myself and my thought process in its tracks, recognise what's happening, and conquer it. You will too!!!

pookie82

Edit: Accidental double post

dudara

eeguy wrote: »

You're a hypochondriac.
Most headaches are a single spot.

None of us here can definitively state that. We are not qualified medical personnel, nor do we know the medical state of the OP.

OP - please go talk to your GP or a professional.