Confused

LegacyUser

4 months ago I found calls and texts on my husbands phone from another local married woman.they were graphic texts about her and my husband arranging to meet for "just sex".the night I found the messages my husband had been out and it was then that they were supposed to have sex but for one reason or another didn't. I confronted my husband and he had said they were just flirting and he was sorry. I was still very iffy with him after that and still am. He promised me that he would not contact her again.i found out a few weeks later that they were still in contact by text and I also think they were meeting up but I have no proof.
I'm angry,confused and I can't get over ot,the lies for so long,the sneaking around. Her husband knows they were texting and in order for me to tell him what I knew he told me she had to take the morning after pill. My confidence is in tatters as I have to see her every day and it kills me.
So my question is, how do I move on? Get over what they did? I'm so angry with him that I can't feel love for him over the anger

liquoriceall

Anon1986 wrote: »

4 months ago I found calls and texts on my husbands phone from another local married woman.they were graphic texts about her and my husband arranging to meet for "just sex".the night I found the messages my husband had been out and it was then that they were supposed to have sex but for one reason or another didn't. I confronted my husband and he had said they were just flirting and he was sorry. I was still very iffy with him after that and still am. He promised me that he would not contact her again.i found out a few weeks later that they were still in contact by text and I also think they were meeting up but I have no proof.
I'm angry,confused and I can't get over ot,the lies for so long,the sneaking around. Her husband knows they were texting and in order for me to tell him what I knew he told me she had to take the morning after pill. My confidence is in tatters as I have to see her every day and it kills me.
So my question is, how do I move on? Get over what they did? I'm so angry with him that I can't feel love for him over the anger

Do you want to get over it?? He is lying to you and having unprotected sex with someone else? You should go speak to someone about all of this, maybe counselling?

Ursus Horribilis

What's the situation at home now? Is he still living with you? Do you have children? Have you any idea what you want i.e. To save the marriage or split up?

frostyjacks

He has broken his wedding vows. He's lied about the nature of the relationship with this other woman, and lied again about ending the relationship. He doesn't sound very sorry.

If it was me, I'd tell him to pack his bags and get a good solicitor. He can sleep with all the women he wants then.

B.A._Baracus

Sorry to hear your situation. I fear your marriage is over tho.
There's many names for that 'core' trust that can't be broken. I guess foundation being the best word to use and your husband broke that foundation with a double-whammy.

First he went behind your back arranging sex. Then when confronted he promised to not talk to this person again. Which he did. So he just didnt break, but smashed that foundation. Sure some people can get over that but most can't and thats perfectly understandable. For what its worth if I was in your shoes I couldn't move past that.

LegacyUser

Op here.
We have 4 kids together,he still lives here we still share a bed but the trust is completely gone.almost every day I am angry with him and throw it up about "her". I don't know where I would stand reguarding house ect,I don't know if I have right to ask him to leave,there are days where I don't want him to go,but there are other days where I am torn and so so angry that I do want him to go. I really don't know what I want but I don't want to feel like this

Ursus Horribilis

It wouldn't do any harm to seek legal advice on your rights regarding the house and other issues, should you decide to separate. It doesn't mean you have to separate but perhaps having some proper information might help you reach a decision one way or the other.

By the sounds of things, home is becoming a toxic place. Don't fool yourself into thinking that your children haven't noticed that there's something wrong. Children are far sharper than we give them credit for. For their sake you and your husband need to sort this before you do them damage. Marriages can recover from affairs but only if both people are on board. I'm not seeing that from either of you.

SarahMollie

Odus fell down wrote: »

It wouldn't do any harm to seek legal advice on your rights regarding the house and other issues, should you decide to separate. It doesn't mean you have to separate but perhaps having some proper information might help you reach a decision one way or the other.

By the sounds of things, home is becoming a toxic place. Don't fool yourself into thinking that your children haven't noticed that there's something wrong. Children are far sharper than we give them credit for. For their sake you and your husband need to sort this before you do them damage. Marriages can recover from affairs but only if both people are on board. I'm not seeing that from either of you.

+1.

Get some legal advice and protect yourself and your children. there is no way that they're not picking up on the atmosphere at home.

I don't think theres much/any hope of salvaging your marriage at this point.