Should I refrain from FWB out of loyalty?

Banaba

My ex and I have a 9 year history. We split up approx 2 years ago but always stayed in touch and fairly close. We both have been with others since and told each other about it. He is now in Australia and we have had talks about getting back together and I plan on visiting him in the near future. However, at the minute I feel a bit lonely and would like to meet someone as a FWB but feel slightly guilty about it. I am not back together with my ex so I know I am a free woman but still feel bad for some reason.

My questions are: Is it normal to feel this guilt and should I refrain from a FWB? I dont want to put my life on hold but dont know what is the right or best thing to do. All advice/opinions welcome

Idle Passerby

Whats your reason for wanting to get back with your ex? After 2 years apart and keeping each other updated about others/still actively interested in sleeping with others it sounds like you are more friends at this stage than romantic partners. To me it sounds like youd be putting your life on hold to consider getting back with the ex. Doesnt sound from what youve said that theres great enthusiasm about reuniting as a couple.

pookie82

Ask him straight out. Is it ok for us to be with other people until we know what we're at?

He might be doing the same.

I would definitely want this cleared up though ... he might think that talks about getting back together meant you weren't seeing anyone else until you saw each other again. You could ruin things if you admit to seeing others after this chat and while planning a holiday to him.

It is likely to get messy, though, if you do take up a FWB here and feelings develop on either side. It's not exactly fair on the third person if you still have someone on the back burner.

Banaba

pookie82 wrote: »

Ask him straight out. Is it ok for us to be with other people until we know what we're at?

He might be doing the same.

I would definitely want this cleared up though ... he might think that talks about getting back together meant you weren't seeing anyone else until you saw each other again. You could ruin things if you admit to seeing others after this chat and while planning a holiday to him.

It is likely to get messy, though, if you do take up a FWB here and feelings develop on either side. It's not exactly fair on the third person if you still have someone on the back burner.

It appears honesty and openness if what's needed in this situation so

HalloweenJack

If you're having second thoughts about it, then don't go through with it. Nothing good ever comes out of doing something you're not fully comfortable with.

If you really do have an urge to do it, talk to him first and see what the deal is.

Why do you want to get back with him after two years of being apart from each other? Instead of focusing on the FWB, which can and can't be a good idea, depending on the person, this is an important thing you have to consider.

Merkin

What a bizarre situation. What were your reasons for splitting up? And when did it arise about giving your relationship another go? The dynamic sounds very odd indeed. I'd be sitting down with him and deciding what the future is for you both. Because if you're not going to reunite then it's time to extricate yourself from a potential codependency and put some distance between you. I wouldn't hang around for each other ad infinitum either so its decision time for both of you.

OP, as well, with FWB, something you really need to realize is that it can be quite easy to fall for them, if you're not careful. You need to figure out whether you can be the kind of person that can be in that kind of relationship without it developing to be something more than it is.

suicide_circus

Do you have someone in mind for your FWB scenario?