Problems in bedroom

LegacyUser

Not sure if correct section or not but I'm going to chance it here. I met a girl , I've met up with her 3 times and when we go to the bedroom I can't get an errection. Happened a few times now , and if I do get one ill just loose it during sex.

I'm very attracted to this girl and tbh I'm on my last chance now so next time we meet up I have to perform, I never had this happen with my ex. Any advice please I'm probably meeting her again this weekend

Ursus Horribilis

Well, if you're losing your erection it could be nerves or it could be a medical issue. Have you tried masturbating since you were with her?

davmol

If you have ruled out medical conditions and can get a boner elsewhere then its performance anxiety.
Lots of lads get it on the first time as they are nervous about their performance and if she is telling you its the last chance ,chances are you will be under even more pressure and more than likely fail again.

Some lads use Viagra to get over the intial performance issues and stop when they get comfortable with the lady.

I don't condone viagara use but you will need something to get you over this.You could try chatting to her and explain and ask to take things slowly.You don't have to have intercourse ,pleasure her in other ways until you can relax and enjoy sex without the pressure.

LegacyUser

I don't think it's a medical issue to be honest. I'm not even in the mood to master bath lately for some reason , I'm just not very turned on but I really like her so it's strange.

I hadn't had sex for a year before meeting her , not even kissed or met a girl since breaking up with my ex if that makes any difference

LegacyUser

Hey there,

I had the exact same problem, I thought I was a freak and would never preform and thought I wasn't "a real man", I even tried getting viagra (they don't give it without a prescription)

I'll be honest if you give yourself an ultimatum chances are it's only gonna freak you out more and you probably won't perform again

it really is a bastard of a problem as it's one if the most stressful things to happen and stress only makes it worse

my suggestion is to lie in bed with her in the morning for a few hours, maybe watch a movie or two (no alcohol) so that you get used to being in that environment, and explain to her that you really like her and you're just nervous because you want to please her, it mightnt happen the next time or the time after that but if she's worth anything more than a one night stand she'll stick it out and you can develop your chemistry and get to know each other, or in the mean time sorry to be crass but you have a tongue and fingers sure

If it's her giving the ultimatum then I'd be showing her the door

so tldr:
Relax you're not a freak, it's all about being comfortable around each other, which won't happen if you associate being in bed with disappointment, if it's a possible relationship show her what a catch you are outside the bedroom

again sorry to be crass but when it happened to me, the first time I performed we were both so thirsty that it was epic !

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. Not sure I'll be meeting her again anyway I think she was with someone else last night so if I do meet her again Its only for one thing so I won't be in as much of a panic

More important question , why amnt I getting turned on anymore even watching porn isn't doing much for me. It's weird and annoying

Roselm

I'm useless wrote: »

I don't think it's a medical issue to be honest. I'm not even in the mood to master bath lately for some reason , I'm just not very turned on but I really like her so it's strange.

I hadn't had sex for a year before meeting her , not even kissed or met a girl since breaking up with my ex if that makes any difference

If you're not in the mood that's probably your answer. Nothing worse than forcing yourself for a guy or a girl. Like another poster said I would focus on pleasuring her and not focus so much on full intercourse for the moment... Good luck

kylith

I'm useless wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. Not sure I'll be meeting her again anyway I think she was with someone else last night so if I do meet her again Its only for one thing so I won't be in as much of a panic

More important question , why amnt I getting turned on anymore even watching porn isn't doing much for me. It's weird and annoying

If you are concerned about a loss of libido you might want to talk to your GP. All sorts of things can affect libido, and it can wax and wane naturally over time.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. We met up twice since I last replied. Same thing happened again , it's ruining her confidence because she thinks it's to do with her.

She even gave me oral sex this time and didn't help. What's going on with me. I don't feel nervous or anything.

Think il go doctor tomorrow , what will I say to her

davmol

Sounds like loss of libido.What age are you?

LegacyUser

I'm 25. What can I do

davmol

Go see your doctor.

It could be many reasons.Are you getting enough fat in your diet.

Exercising -weight training can help increase testosterone and give you your libido back.

You may have low testosterone level.

This is all speculation but ask the doc to check your test levels.

At 25 you should be a raging bull.

LegacyUser

I started the gym this year haven't gone big into it and I play soccer so I'm getting plenty if exercise. I'm not really sure about my diet tho some days i don't eat much.

Forgot to ask I've lost 5 stone in the last 2 years , would that have had an effect I wonder. You know my body changing

Disgruntled Badger

Probably nerves. And worrying abt it will much will make it worse.

You need to know, a huge number of guys will go through a spell like this. Usually in their early to mid 20s, following a long period alone. The problem is most guys don't talk about it, and that leads to much worse outcomes. So good on you for getting it sorted.

Ruling out a medical problem, which is pretty rare at your age, there's one sure fire way to fix this you will be happy to know. Awkward perhaps, but it'll do it. If you genuinely find her sexually attractive, or better still, falling in love with her, tell her about it. I know but trust me. If she feels the same for you she'll be cool with it and will go slow. If she's getting frustrated with you it's most likely because she thinks you are not interested in her physically. So it'll solve the worry for both of you. And it can be fun for both of you getting over this small problem. Remember sex is not just about 'doing it'. Lots of other things to be doing first which she is not likely to object to.

Once you do it once or twice you'll be fine. And don't worry if it isn't great. It will be soon enough. Guaranteed.

If you think she'll react badly, mock you, etc, forget it, she's not the one for you. Well not right now. There are lots of really cool, sweet, nice girls out there, who probably wouldn't want to rush things either.

Lastly you are NOT useless. Quite the opposite. You're probably concerned you won't please her. I am fairly certain there are a lot of women out there that wish their blokes were only half as concerned about their needs as you are of your partners.

Best of luck mate

LegacyUser

Disgruntled Badger wrote: »

Probably nerves. And worrying abt it will much will make it worse.

You need to know, a huge number of guys will go through a spell like this. Usually in their early to mid 20s, following a long period alone. The problem is most guys don't talk about it, and that leads to much worse outcomes. So good on you for getting it sorted.

Ruling out a medical problem, which is pretty rare at your age, there's one sure fire way to fix this you will be happy to know. Awkward perhaps, but it'll do it. If you genuinely find her sexually attractive, or better still, falling in love with her, tell her about it. I know but trust me. If she feels the same for you she'll be cool with it and will go slow. If she's getting frustrated with you it's most likely because she thinks you are not interested in her physically. So it'll solve the worry for both of you. And it can be fun for both of you getting over this small problem. Remember sex is not just about 'doing it'. Lots of other things to be doing first which she is not likely to object to.

Once you do it once or twice you'll be fine. And don't worry if it isn't great. It will be soon enough. Guaranteed.

If you think she'll react badly, mock you, etc, forget it, she's not the one for you. Well not right now. There are lots of really cool, sweet, nice girls out there, who probably wouldn't want to rush things either.

Lastly you are NOT useless. Quite the opposite. You're probably concerned you won't please her. I am fairly certain there are a lot of women out there that wish their blokes were only half as concerned about their needs as you are of your partners.

Best of luck mate

Cheers for the reply man. We're not meeting anymore but I really don't want it happening with the next girl I'm with.

She never mocked me or anything but she got frustrated and she said it ruined her confidence.

I don't thinks it was nerves either because when I'm alone I'm not in the mood to masturbath or anything.

Just hope I can sort it out before I meet a new girl

Sound Bite

Just a female perspective:

You are not useless
This happens a lot of men for various reasons
Most girls have plenty of patience if they really like the guy
Relax, try to stop over thinking & putting pressure on yourself