Online dating

LegacyUser

A question that is a bit different from the normal online dating questions. I broke up with my (now) ex girlfriend in August, after about 9 years together. We met through online dating, so I have no issues with the actual idea behind it.

In the 10 years since I used online dating, things have changed a lot. Previously, there was not a great amount of websites (I can only remember POF and I think eHarmony and Match were around then). Now there seems to be a plethora of websites, such as EliteSingles, MatchAffinity, as well as those already mentioned. However, in the olden days, most of the features (messaging, seeing pictures, see who's visited, etc) seemed accessible to non-paying members. Now, most of the features are only available by paying.

My question is rather about which one is good/better. For example, if I join EliteSingles for 6 months, it will cost €44.76; Match - €77.40; POF - €51; and MatchAffinity - €89.40. For the various prices, how can I know which one has enough paid members who are in a position to respond? Does anybody have any personal experiences on using any of these as a paid member and how did they find the services provided?

silverbolt

I use POF and frankly its depressing enough when its free. I have no intention of paying for such a privilege.

I dont know about dating websites where you can "only" pay to use like elite singles, i imagine it certainly cuts down on timewasters/lazy/attention seekers but it would probably also lessen the amount of people on there.

magneticimpulse

The "regulars" which were on match.com and pof are all on tinder. Every single person I know has been on tinder at some stage or still are. The guys I'm friends with, in social activities with and work with are all on tinder. So why pay for online dating now when you can see the same selection on tinder? I have had far more dates via tinder than I have via paying for an online dating site. I have met more fun interesting people than on a paid site.

Sure there are many cons to tinder but equally it's like going out to a bar. You find all sorts of people there.

iuil1999

In my experience, when you pay for the service, you know that the people who are also paying are serious about meeting somebody but it also limits the number of matches you get.
After a few weeks you'll have exhausted your options.

gothic_doll

Okcupid is fully usable free. The only thing you can't do free is see who 'liked' you, but any interested parties will message you anyway. It's also got the best design/layout/presentation/usability of them all, which has always been the case.

In Ireland don't limit it to only show nearby matches, I found it most useful when I set it to cover most of Ireland! You should find local people to meet regardless.
As it is usable free, most people on there are using it...for free, so don't worry about the liking feature.

Personally Tinder seems a bit dumb to me, if you value someone's personality. Swiping yes or no on someone's face is not how I view the world
But if you use Tinder, the thing to do apparently is swipe yes for every woman (if you are a man) and see if any like you back.

silverbolt

gothic_doll wrote: »

Okcupid is fully usable free. The only thing you can't do free is see who 'liked' you, but any interested parties will message you anyway. It's also got the best design/layout/presentation/usability of them all, which has always been the case.

In Ireland don't limit it to only show nearby matches, I found it most useful when I set it to cover most of Ireland! You should find local people to meet regardless.
As it is usable free, most people on there are using it...for free, so don't worry about the liking feature.

Personally Tinder seems a bit dumb to me, if you value someone's personality. Swiping yes or no on someone's face is not how I view the world
But if you use Tinder, the thing to do apparently is swipe yes for every woman (if you are a man) and see if any like you back.

I really cant be bothered with that. Whats the point of liking someone who you have no interest in?

woodchuck

I've had a lot discussions around this and the general consensus is usually that the paid sites aren't worth the money. As mentioned before, you get less time wasters, but a much smaller pool of people. If you don't pay, yes you have to wade through more people to find the genuine ones, but there are a lot more of them there if you put in the effort.

Personally I would recommend going down the free route to start with (POF, Okcupid, Tinder). If you don't have any success you can always decide down the line if you want to pay for an upgrade or join a paid site.

Essentially, why pay for something when you can get it for free? That would be most peoples mentality, so you will find most people on the free sites/apps.

woodchuck

gothic_doll wrote: »

Personally Tinder seems a bit dumb to me, if you value someone's personality. Swiping yes or no on someone's face is not how I view the world

I thought the same when I joined Tinder. Essentially you just have a face and a couple of lines of information to go by (if you're lucky!). But I met my now boyfriend on Tinder and it was actually a lot of fun realising how much we had in common as we got chatting instead of just reading it from a profile

Harika

IMO paying for online dating is a waste of money, cause when there are free options on the market why should you pay? In my experience, when I paid, I found that those services were quite empty and when looking at the Ashley Madison stats it doesn't look like a lot of females are on those payed dating pages anyway. Also just because they are paying, doesn't mean they will date everyone. And you don't get more benefit out of it, compared to a free one, where in my impression far more women were active, as it is free anyway.

gothic_doll

woodchuck wrote: »

I thought the same when I joined Tinder. Essentially you just have a face and a couple of lines of information to go by (if you're lucky!). But I met my now boyfriend on Tinder and it was actually a lot of fun realising how much we had in common as we got chatting instead of just reading it from a profile

I've had that too on okc, notably with one particular guy who lives abroad. I'm actually suspicious that he's just pretending to agree with me on everything though as he has a brief profile. :')

Paying for a site doesn't give you a guaranteed match. Usually the paid features of free sites are geared towards the insecure and the shallow.

magneticimpulse

I met the perfect guy on match.com. He ticked every single box and we could not have been more matched together on paper. However it didn't work out. He didn't tick the most important box which was actually liking me.

Tinder on the other hand ive met more guys with chemistry and things in common. Before I might have narrowed down my selection too much on match.com. At least on tinder you decide if you find someone attractive and chat to them. Essentially it's like approaching someone in a bar - you don't know if you will have anything in common.

Overall if interests are really important to you - you will meet someone in a hobby or activity group. If you are looking for the "average" fun nice person you have as much chance meeting them on free apps as anywhere else.

After meeting the Mr.perfect match.com guy I stopped using it as it really didn't matter how many boxes we matched by if there was no spark or chemistry.

shamrock2004

Onlinedating? wrote: »

A question that is a bit different from the normal online dating questions. I broke up with my (now) ex girlfriend in August, after about 9 years together. We met through online dating, so I have no issues with the actual idea behind it.

In the 10 years since I used online dating, things have changed a lot. Previously, there was not a great amount of websites (I can only remember POF and I think eHarmony and Match were around then). Now there seems to be a plethora of websites, such as EliteSingles, MatchAffinity, as well as those already mentioned. However, in the olden days, most of the features (messaging, seeing pictures, see who's visited, etc) seemed accessible to non-paying members. Now, most of the features are only available by paying.

My question is rather about which one is good/better. For example, if I join EliteSingles for 6 months, it will cost €44.76; Match - €77.40; POF - €51; and MatchAffinity - €89.40. For the various prices, how can I know which one has enough paid members who are in a position to respond? Does anybody have any personal experiences on using any of these as a paid member and how did they find the services provided?

Why don't you try taking up an activity / night out to meet someone? I think you may disappointed by what awaits you in the contemporary online dating world, if you haven't done it in 10 years. I first did it 7 years ago and did it again recently and you can't compare it to back then. I suppose if you don't take it too seriously, then it's worth another go.

Boardz Fiend

I tried most of the free sites and found them a waste of time. I'm now using Elite Singles, i have to say I find it very good, profiles are genuine and it seems to filter out the time wasters. I've been going on regular dates off the website, meeting some really great girls although I haven't met 'the one' yet. Worth mentioning that I'm in Dublin, I've chatted to members from other counties who say they don't get many matches in their area so thats worth keeping in mind.

HiGlo

I can only conclude that I'm faaar too fussy....
I've been on internet dating sites (tried different ones at different points, but have been on POF the whole time) for over 5 years and I'm on Tinder the last year or two now and I have never met anyone at all from any of the sites. Not even for a 15 min coffee.... In fact, I haven't even had a conversation more than maybe 6 messages each.....
It's either that or I'm reeeeeally ugly! It's a fine line!! haha

I agree with the others, just give the free options a go and see how you get on. If you're not having luck then maybe try the paid options.... I was recommended Elite by someone else too as she said the same as Boardz Fiend. I'd double check that price you mentioned though cause it's certainly not cheap... I paid €80 for 3 months.

HiGlo

Double post - sorry!

quadrifoglio verde

silverbolt wrote: »

I really cant be bothered with that. Whats the point of liking someone who you have no interest in?

Because it reduces the amount of time I swipe left and right and increases the amount of time I can't chat to women who are actually interested in.
Swiping right on tinder all the time is like going into coppers sober and everyone there is interested in you. You then decide I want that one
Crude, perhaps. But at least you know the women a kick thinking ooh this guy I've never met in real life thinks I'm hot