Full of doubt and uncertainty with decision

JosephG

I am posting here in the vain hope of some clarity in relation to my decision whether or not to proceed in trying to try again in my relationship with my OH. Following on from my earlier posts of 17/9/15 and 24/9/15, myself and my OH, moved in together and two and a half weeks before Christmas I ended the relationship and asked her to leave. I did this because, despite acceding to many of her requests, her demands continued, and I felt under so much constant pressure, I felt had no other option.

We had no contact till Christmas Eve, when she asked to meet me for a chat. During this 'talk', she informed me that she had been to see a councillor/therapist, who, as she was explaining the circumstances of our broken relationship, asked without prompt, if I was adopted. Of course this is the case and it got me thinking, that maybe our breakup is my fault and, as she constantly reminds me, this will be the greatest mistake/regret of my life.

As we concluded the chat, I said to my OH, I would go and see her therapist myself and with her if I thought it could help us resolve things. I do not/didn't want to throw away two years of a relationship with this lady, who I love deeply, particularly if I am being blindsided by something I previously knew nothing about.

The main issue of concern in our relationship, always centred around my friendships with other women. In order to be objective, I must state that I have lots of male friends, well into double figures actually. I had three good female friends and a couple of college acquaintences who I have met while doing a college course at night (male female ratio is 18 - 3). Of my three very close friends, I grew up next door to one, who was like an older sister to me. We have no contact anymore as there was a falling out with my GF and she expects me to back her unilaterally - which I understand but find difficult as it has caused a rift between two families who were once very close. The second female in question grew up in my neighbourhood and we hung around as kids. We both moved on in our careers but about 6 years ago I became aware of a position that suited her in my office. I contacted her and said she should investigate. She did this and moved back to the area. She actually rented a room off me for 2 years (following a breakup). We are good friends, purely platonic but nothing more. As work colleagues we occasionally socialise in a big group and only on very rare occasions, meet for a cup of coffee. This friend is good pals with my neighbour and is far from impressed with my shunning of her. She has remained civil with my OH, but there is no doubting her allegiance to the next door neighbour who is a close friend of hers. My GF confronted her on this last Summer, and this (imo) simply inflamed the situation and has increased tension. I have spoken to this friend and as is her nature, she just wants to get on with things. As for the other friend, I have known her as a friend and work colleague for nearly 10 years. Indeed, following a male colleague of mine vacating a room at my house, I offered her a place out of financial necessity. She lived there for three years and has long since left and moved in with her long time partner with whom she is very happy. In recent years she has experienced multiple traumas culminating with her being diagnosed with cancer last January. She is in recovery now and all seems ok at the moment. I never meet her in the evenings or weekends but used to try to go for coffee once a week (when my timetable at work permitted).

At my partners behest, I have distanced myself from all three of these good friends. She has encouraged me to foster male friendships - and is of the opinion that due to my adoption, I have a need for acceptance and as such go out of my way to help and feel accepted by others. She says she has no problem with this as long as it doesn't involve females. However, I have always resented losing the three very good friends (one gone, other two will eventually be alienated). Personally, I didn't care about their gender, I simply saw them as good pals. As a result, this has created great tension and trouble between us. It has created a gap, it has made me anxious and uncertain of commitment, which is affecting her as well - and I don't want to hurt her anymore with my uncertainty. Any advice on this would be much appreciated as I am genuinely confused as to whether or not I have sabotaged this relationship unknowingly.

eviltwin

I didn't read your earlier posts so I'm just basing this on the above and I think you should run away from anything to do with this woman. She is so manipulative. Your already distancing yourself from good friends and for what? Why would you do that? As for using your adoption to back up her demands, what a low thing to do. Dump her, reconnect with your friends and any work you need to do on the issue of your adoption do on your own terms.

silverbolt

Right sorry but to me this is simple.

Stay the hell away from her. Shes messing with your head.

Your bend over backwards and she was still at you to do more. She wanted you (and you did) to cut back on your friends especially the female ones. In less than a month of living together you were so wretched you ended the relationship

She's sounds extremely emotionally manipulative brought on my chronic insecurity, by your own admission you are stressed and you have fallen into a classic abusers trap - you think her issues are your fault. They are not your fault, these are her problems no yours. She is blaming you being a decent affable likeable person as a need for acceptance because you were adopted. Bull. She just wants you under her thumb. Another thing that abusers do is isolate thier victim from friends and family - she wants yo to cut out female friends and foster male friendships. Once she has won one battle, whats to stop her finding fault with your male friends then as well? She doesnt want you having any outside support or influence - the people on the train dont see the wreck.

I speak from experience when i say this - keep well away from her. You are better off without someone like this. If you go back, if you stay with her, she will grind you down more and more until you are utterly miserable and wretched, treading on eggshells at all times.

LegacyUser

Listen, she is the one with the problem. You have sabotaged nothing - so don't even doubt yourself there. As for using your adoption, she is being a complete C*NT to pull that one. Sorry for the language.

I have no issue with my OH having male friends, making male friends or keeping in touch with exes.

I have never gone out with someone who makes outrageous demands such as your partner. I remember the neighbour story that you posted and could not understand why you agreed to it.

As for confronting your other friend, why would she do this? What type of person does this and why would you want to be with someone who acts like this?

Have you any good friends who you can talk this through with? If a friend of mine came to me with your story I'd advise them to have nothing to do with their manipulative controlling ex/gf.

People like that will always have demands... what happens when she starts to dislike your sister or mother and tells you that she doesn't want you to see them anymore?

Or she meets a female boss / colleague and thinks that there's something going on? Or she sees you chatting to the girl behind the counter of the local supermarket or she sees you saying goodbye to some woman on a course you're doing? Where will it end?

By mentioning your adoption she is trying to create a feeling of doubt in you about your decision. She sees it as a chink in your armour that she can start chipping away at...

JosephG

I suppose, the nub of the argument centres around her position that I should have no close female friends. She has constantly stated that she thinks its abnormal and knows of no other man who has female friends. She, along with all her friends and family, find it off the wall that I, as a person in a relationship might meet, text or phone another woman - despite my assurances (and her accepted belief) that there is nothing sinister at play. the friendships are/were categorically platonic, with no history or potential for anything else.

She wants us to give it a go, but blames me in the majority for all our previous problems which all centre around the same issue. I attended a session with her councillor where I was told that texting while on holidays (the sick friend who was meeting her head oncologist to see if the cancer had abated - text was 'Good luck today, thinking of you')) or helping a female friend in relation to setting up a new house (advising on decorating and furniture) were both crossing boundaries and were detrimental to the relationship. I was informed that this was transferring my energy elsewhere and that I should hear my GF's discomfort and stop at that. The problem is, the demands always continue. I was discouraged from even sending a 'Happy New Year' text or for ringing once over the two week holiday period.

I am so concerned that maybe I am abnormal, maybe I am wrong here. But cutting these people out of my life not only isolates me, it also grates heavily with my moral conscience - not to mention emasculates me considerably, thus creating an unease in the relationship. It really is an awful place to be, as I've spent months ruminating over this predicament.

discus

Following on from my earlier posts of 17/9/15 and 24/9/15, myself and my OH, moved in together and two and a half weeks before Christmas I ended the relationship and asked her to leave. I did this because, despite acceding to many of her requests, her demands continued, and I felt under so much constant pressure, I felt had no other option.

This is the reason you broke up, because she was taking advantage of your good nature and putting tremendous pressure on you. It has nothing to do with your female friends, or adoption.

You've broken up with her, and she will say anything to get you back. Just move on and a) stop meeting her for chats and b) get your friends back. Your friends will alway be there when things go bad, lovers will not be!

And I've just read your latest post! Stop going to a therapist/councillor on her terms.

I am so concerned that maybe I am abnormal, maybe I am wrong here. But cutting these people out of my life not only isolates me, it also grates heavily with my moral conscience - not to mention emasculates me considerably, thus creating an unease in the relationship. It really is an awful place to be, as I've spent months ruminating over this predicament.

Jesus that post is so wrong! Why are you here OP? What answer do you want to hear? "NO OP stay with her, be emasculated and lose all your friends (at a minimum) and bend over backwards for her to keep her happy"

Calypso Realm

JosephG wrote: »

.

We had no contact till Christmas Eve, when she asked to meet me for a chat. During this 'talk', she informed me that she had been to see a councillor/therapist, who, as she was explaining the circumstances of our broken relationship, asked without prompt, if I was adopted. Of course this is the case and it got me thinking, that maybe our breakup is my fault and, as she constantly reminds me, this will be the greatest mistake/regret of my life..

I find it very strange a therapist would ask 'without prompt' if you were adopted. I doubt very much if this is true.

I haven't read your earlier posts but I agree with the others; this woman is trying to manipulate and control you (in general) and currently in order to get you to rethink your decision to break up with her, which should be yours alone to make. Personally, I would give someone like this a wide berth!

ibarelycare

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057494175

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057498719

Re-read the pages of advice you got in your previous threads. Your (ex?) girlfriend is a controlling, manipulative nutjob.

TBH I've no doubt you're going to just ignore all the advice again and stay with her, and live a life of misery. Good luck to you.

JosephG

I appreciate all the advice. While I know I've posted before, and don't want to be wasting anyone's time, I have never explored the fact that this may be my doing. That maybe I have fuelled her fears, and my 'need for acceptance' causes her to feel undermined in the relationship. Subsequently, she acts out, with demands which seem ridiculous as she doesn't trust me to maintain normal boundaries. This causes me to feel attacked and I become defensive. This also creates anxiety within me and I feel unable to properly commit as I don't trust the relationship, and feel it will alienate friends and family and ultimately leave me isolated.

eviltwin

Most people have friends of the opposite sex. Bottom line she doesn't trust you. That's her problem not yours. You can't reasonably be expected to cut out good friends and have no dealings with women in future, that's unsustainable. Before you know it she will have issues with other women, women you work with, girlfriends of your mates. You can never make someone like this happy, she will chip away at you until you lose yourself and become the person she wants you to be.

What are you getting out of this relationship? Are you happy? Cause your posts read like your miserable.

ibarelycare

JosephG wrote: »

I appreciate all the advice. While I know I've posted before, and don't want to be wasting anyone's time, I have never explored the fact that this may be my doing. That maybe I have fuelled her fears, and my 'need for acceptance' causes her to feel undermined in the relationship. Subsequently, she acts out, with demands which seem ridiculous as she doesn't trust me to maintain normal boundaries. This causes me to feel attacked and I become defensive. This also creates anxiety within me and I feel unable to properly commit as I don't trust the relationship, and feel it will alienate friends and family and ultimately leave me isolated.

You are brainwashed and in an abusive relationship. You need to speak to someone.

njs030

Op this is a genuine question, why do you keep posting here?
You're not taking any of the advice given and not only do you continue the relationship you actually move it up a level.

Do you want help or are you just looking for a place to vent?

My advice (as it was for your previous 2 threads) is to break up with her before you end up in an even worse situation.

Edited to say I doubt very much her therapist said that, it's very very unlikely. Considering how much she manipulates you it's no suprise it's moved on to lying to get you to do what she wants. I bet if you insist on going to see the same therapist alone she will try and stop you so her lie isn't uncovered.

Lots of people (me included) are adopted and it still doesn't mean we have to put up with abusive relationships.

LegacyUser

Op, I think I recall the previous posts you mentioned in your op and if I remember correctly even then you were told by others that her behaviour was tantamount to abuse by way of her trying to shut you off from your female friends and for her to try and tell you who you should and should not be friends with.

I strongly agree with what Silverbolt has posted and think you should read over his/her post again.

I think you made the right decision breaking up with this woman and I think it would be a huge mistake for you to contemplate getting back together with her. It would be in your own best interests to cut all ties with this woman. Her behaviour is down to HER OWN issues and nothing at all to do with anything that you have done. You should instead try to fix the relationships with the 3 female friends that this woman has jeopardised and cut her out of your life altogether.

kylith

When I saw the beginning of your first post today I found myself praying that it wasn't you. But it was.

It is not abnormal to have female friends. I am a woman and one of my closest friends is male. I have male friends who wouldn't be as close to but whom I sometimes go I the cinema or have coffee with. My last boyfriend had female friends and when he told me that he'd had lunch with Tina do you know what I did? I asked how Tina was. You know why? Because I'm not a manipulative psychotic bitch striving to cut him off from his friends. That is what this woman is.

She makes unreasonable demand after unreasonable demand and you acquiesce and she gets more unreasonable still.

I don't usually recommend therapy but I really think you should see someone. NOT who she recommends. Find a decent therapist yourself. Tell this woman that you think she's right, that you need to sort out your issues and that you think you shouldn't see her until you have. Then talk to your therapist. I am confident that they would agree with the general assessment of what this predatory woman is doing to you.

Seriously. Stay the hell away from her or she will cut you off from everyone you care about and when she has you totally isolated she will make your life an utter, utter hell.

bp

JosephG wrote: »

I appreciate all the advice. While I know I've posted before, and don't want to be wasting anyone's time, I have never explored the fact that this may be my doing. That maybe I have fuelled her fears, and my 'need for acceptance' causes her to feel undermined in the relationship. Subsequently, she acts out, with demands which seem ridiculous as she doesn't trust me to maintain normal boundaries. This causes me to feel attacked and I become defensive. This also creates anxiety within me and I feel unable to properly commit as I don't trust the relationship, and feel it will alienate friends and family and ultimately leave me isolated.

I read and posted on both your previous threads and promised myself I would stop reading your stuff as you do not heed a single piece of advice but I will do it once more...

It is NOT you, it is her. Stop talking to her, your friends are a part of you. I have very close male friends, I have stayed alone with them in their homes, my husband has no issue with these friendships at all.

She is manipulating you so dump her and move on for your own sanity.

Ok rant over, good luck and see your own therapist.....two years of a so called relationship over years of friendship....seriously?

silverharp

yeah run! I'm married and I still have a couple of female friends from college, people can be nudged one way or the other but people dont tend to change to morph into someone completely different. No one has the right to manage your relationships for you

Ursus Horribilis

You want clarity? Well here it is. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING BACK WITH HER. End of.

I read your other threads and found myself wanting to bang my head off the nearest wall in frustration. I have a horrible feeling you're going to ignore each and every piece of advice you're given here.

However, here goes. Print out every single page of the threads you've posted here. Book an appointment with a counsellor of YOUR choosing as soon as possible. Don't breathe a word of it to your ex. Bring the pages to the counsellor. In the meantime don't even entertain talk of getting back with her.

HelgaWard

I think you should go and talk to an independent councilor (IE not the one your OH uses). She is manipulating the life out of you.

bronte

My God, Op. I'd bet a huge amount of money that ex of yours has been nowhere NEAR a therapist. People like her usually have an intense fear of therapists ( in case they get exposed for what they are).
How convenient that this "therapist" asked if you were adopted completely "unprompted". Just lol.
She is a really nasty piece of work for using something like that against you. It is COMPLETELY normal for a man to have female friends. No matter what she says. She is a controlling psychopath who seems capable of saying anything to pull you back in.

She says you breaking up with her will be the biggest mistake of your life?
Nope, the biggest mistake of your life will be giving her one more minute of your time. In fact anything she says...you'll find the opposite is usually the truth.

These people are toxic and can't be fixed. Ever.
Get rid. Yesterday.

There are decent women out there that will treat you with respect.

Knasher

OP it's a cliche, but relationships are built on trust. And you said yourself, she simply doesn't trust you. The ironic thing is, if you had actually done something to earn her mistrust, then I might have some hope for your relationship, because at least then there is some hope that you could address your mistakes and rebuild. But you've done nothing, there is nothing to address, and nothing to rebuild.

Forbidding you from having female friends means she has absolutely no regard for you (or indeed men in general). As far as she is concerned, the only thing stopping you from cheating on and hurting her, is opportunity. OP do you really want to be in a relationship with somebody who has so little regard for you? If the situation were reversed, and you thought that the only reason that she isn't out sleeping with another man on you, is because she doesn't currently have the chance, would you want to be in a relationship with her? Because that is what she thinks of you, so do you want to be in a relationship with somebody who thinks so little of you?

Shrap

JosephG wrote: »

I attended a session with her councillor where I was told that texting while on holidays (the sick friend who was meeting her head oncologist to see if the cancer had abated - text was 'Good luck today, thinking of you')) or helping a female friend in relation to setting up a new house (advising on decorating and furniture) were both crossing boundaries and were detrimental to the relationship. I was informed that this was transferring my energy elsewhere and that I should hear my GF's discomfort and stop at that.

WTF?? Her councillor should be struck off, or perhaps already has no real qualifications (quite common in Ireland). She sounds nearly as much of a nutjob as your ex does.

I understand from others here that you refuse to see what an awful manipulative psycho your ex is and you are clearly now falling for her lowest trick, which is using your vulnerability about your adoption against you.

You need help, and fast. For goodness sake, don't go NEAR her councillor again. Get your own. Gather your friends and family, ESPECIALLY the female friends you've been made to stop speaking to and ask them how they view this dreadful woman if you won't believe us. I swear, if you were a male friend of mine, I'd have brought about an intervention long ago.

gazzer

For the love of god OP. Will you take the advice on here and from replies to your previous posts and just get the hell away from that nutjob. You need to get as far away from her as possible. Surround yourself with your family and friends and dont contact her again.

kylith

OP. have you told your family that she wants you to cut every female friend out of your life? What do they think? How did you feel while you weren't in contact with her?

zoobizoo

JosephG wrote: »

I attended a session with her councillor where I was told that texting while on holidays (the sick friend who was meeting her head oncologist to see if the cancer had abated - text was 'Good luck today, thinking of you')) or helping a female friend in relation to setting up a new house (advising on decorating and furniture) were both crossing boundaries and were detrimental to the relationship. I was informed that this was transferring my energy elsewhere and that I should hear my GF's discomfort and stop at that.
.

What type of counselor? There are many different types and many untrained / have done a six week course and then go out to try to "help" people.

Sending a text to a sick friend is normal.

Helping out a friend is normal.

Being a nice person is normal.

It may be the case that her therapist hasn't picked up on her manipulative ways and is more concerned with keeping the relationship together rather than dealing with your ex's issues of jealousy and control.

Ursus Horribilis

Even if she visited a competent counsellor, you have no idea what she told her. Whatever it was, it was very far from the truth. I wish there was some way someone somewhere could get through to you about what is going on here. Your unwillingness to comprehend what has been done to you is extremely worrying. I bet you have never spoken to anyone in your family or circle of friends about this either, have you?

LegacyUser

Seriously, I've read all your posts on this. It is not you, it's her. You need to leave this relationship.

CaraMay

OP you've gotten so much advice previously on this topic that its hard to see what else you can be told.

The issues in your relationship are down to HER and her alone. There now seem to be issues for you personally where you are willing to stay in an abusive relationship, despite oddles of advice to the contrary.

Dumping her will improve your life. Go to counselling then by yourself to improve your confidence.

Magicmatilda

JosephG wrote: »

and is of the opinion that due to my adoption, I have a need for acceptance and as such go out of my way to help and feel accepted by others.

She could be right to a certain degree there. I find that is sometimes the case which friends I know who are adopted. It would certainly explain why you can't seem to walk away from this woman, which is absolutely what you should do. Regardless of your emotional insecurities, she needs to deal with hers and she is not doing that, rather she is preying on those you MAY have and manipulating them.

You have been advised time and again to leave.

Seek some counselling for yourself, it may give you the strength to walk away.

Look, if other partners have or continue to have the same problems with your female friends as she does, then maybe she is seeing something you are not, but if your previous partners have no issue then it must be just her.Have other partners had issues with your friends?

silverbolt

JosephG wrote: »

I suppose, the nub of the argument centres around her position that I should have no close female friends. She has constantly stated that she thinks its abnormal and knows of no other man who has female friends. She, along with all her friends and family, find it off the wall that I, as a person in a relationship might meet, text or phone another woman - despite my assurances (and her accepted belief) that there is nothing sinister at play. the friendships are/were categorically platonic, with no history or potential for anything else.

She wants us to give it a go, but blames me in the majority for all our previous problems which all centre around the same issue. I attended a session with her councillor where I was told that texting while on holidays (the sick friend who was meeting her head oncologist to see if the cancer had abated - text was 'Good luck today, thinking of you')) or helping a female friend in relation to setting up a new house (advising on decorating and furniture) were both crossing boundaries and were detrimental to the relationship. I was informed that this was transferring my energy elsewhere and that I should hear my GF's discomfort and stop at that. The problem is, the demands always continue. I was discouraged from even sending a 'Happy New Year' text or for ringing once over the two week holiday period.

I am so concerned that maybe I am abnormal, maybe I am wrong here. But cutting these people out of my life not only isolates me, it also grates heavily with my moral conscience - not to mention emasculates me considerably, thus creating an unease in the relationship. It really is an awful place to be, as I've spent months ruminating over this predicament.

Your defending her.

having friends of the other gender is NOT abnormal. The problem is thiers not yours. The last paragraph says it all. No one not partner not friend has the right to tell you who you can and can not be friends with.

Never mind this "therapist" - sounds like a quack who is doing nothing more than enforcing your exes behaviour. Its amazing how she goes for therapy then manages to drag you to it and suddenly its all your fault.

JosephG wrote: »

I appreciate all the advice. While I know I've posted before, and don't want to be wasting anyone's time, I have never explored the fact that this may be my doing. That maybe I have fuelled her fears, and my 'need for acceptance' causes her to feel undermined in the relationship. Subsequently, she acts out, with demands which seem ridiculous as she doesn't trust me to maintain normal boundaries. This causes me to feel attacked and I become defensive. This also creates anxiety within me and I feel unable to properly commit as I don't trust the relationship, and feel it will alienate friends and family and ultimately leave me isolated.

STOP IT! NOW!!!!!!!

Your finding fault with yourself because thats what she wants. She clearly knows exactly how to push your buttons. She is twisting you up in knots and the worst thing is - despite what everyone has said in THREE threads about her - you are still falling for it.

Emotional abuse is insidious it worms its way into and latches on deeply. I know, i was there. It took three of my best friends (two of whom are female) to hammer home after nearly two years that i wasnt a bad person, that she was the one tat was at fault and i needed to get the hell out of there.

Shrap wrote: »

WTF?? Her councillor should be struck off, or perhaps already has no real qualifications (quite common in Ireland). She sounds nearly as much of a nutjob as your ex does.

I understand from others here that you refuse to see what an awful manipulative psycho your ex is and you are clearly now falling for her lowest trick, which is using your vulnerability about your adoption against you.

You need help, and fast. For goodness sake, don't go NEAR her councillor again. Get your own. Gather your friends and family, ESPECIALLY the female friends you've been made to stop speaking to and ask them how they view this dreadful woman if you won't believe us. I swear, if you were a male friend of mine, I'd have brought about an intervention long ago.

Maybe its because I have an overly overthinking cynical mind and i was in a situation similar to the OPs but my first thought was - is this "therapist" a friend of the girlfriends.

Ursus Horribilis

Or did the girlfriend really visit a therapist at all? I wouldn't put anything past her.

OP, not being funny here but why did you go to the trouble of starting three threads about your girlfriend in recent months, only to ignore what everyone has been telling you? I'm genuinely curious as to what your thought process is. We've all told you she's being utterly unreasonable in what she's asking of you. We identified that she's abusive and manipulative. We warned you about her, told you she would never be happy with what you did for her and strongly advised you to break up with her. Yet instead of accepting that people might have a point, you ignored all the advice and moved in with her.

To date, ignoring all our advice and stubbornly sticking to your own path has not helped your situation one bit. You're still unhappy, she's still being unreasonable and your gut is still screaming at you that it's not ok. Why do you think every single person, to a man and woman, is pleading with you to end it and seek professional help?

bagofweasels

JosephG wrote: »

I I attended a session with her councillor where I was told that texting while on holidays (the sick friend who was meeting her head oncologist to see if the cancer had abated - text was 'Good luck today, thinking of you')) or helping a female friend in relation to setting up a new house (advising on decorating and furniture) were both crossing boundaries and were detrimental to the relationship.

You should realise that not all counsellors are created equal. Night classes in counselling occasionally throw up real gems, but more often produce a lot of misguided 'professionals'. I read your earlier threads and you sound like a smart person, notwithstanding the fact that you've discounted a lot of good advice others took the time to offer. Why are you torturing yourself with this nonsense? More to the point - is this what you want for the rest of your life?

Ursus Horribilis

Going to see a counsellor your girlfriend's seeing isn't very wise anyway. It's someone impartial you need to be talking to, not someone who has been told partial truths and/or lies by your girlfriend. Contact your GP to get in touch with a proper counsellor. Or if not, take a look at a site such as http://www.counsellingdirectory.ie (or other sites) and check to see what qualifications/accreditations the counsellors have.

DukeOfTheSharp

This screams abusive relationship, somewhere between emotional and psychological. Trust me OP, this isn't on you. I've seen and experienced this type of crap, and truth be told, she's just messing with your head in order to get you back on-side. You shouldn't have to experience another grown human being blubbering because they can't handle simple raising of issues, when in reality you're meant to work together to find middle ground. The fact that you couldn't have female friends is wrong, and from experience I can tell you that someone with that kind of jealous streak and the unequal way she may deal with it is totally and completely wrong.

You're not to blame. She is. Trust the people here because many had to learn the hard way what it really means to be abused like this. You can't blame yourself for how she reacted, she had every chance to change her ways, and I highly doubt a therapist would condone her actions in any way. She's manipulating you emotionally and playing to your better nature. It happens, and the best thing you can do is get out of it, cut her off and learn from this.

Merkin

I'm going to have to close this thread JosephG. When numerous threads are opened by the same poster pertaining to the same issue then it becomes evident that said problem is beyond the perameters and scope of the good people of PI/RI. Please go and speak to a professional in this regard.