advice !

LegacyUser

Hi
I'm just recently back in the dating game....and have had a couple of dates with a guy, who , on paper seems ideal, but in person, I can see red flags, and I'm coming on here just to confirm !
On our first date, we met early evening and I was planning to go to a music recital afterwards (with or without him) and take part....he said he'd love to tag along....so the date is going great until I perform, and he literally went through my recital with a fine comb and told me where my weaknesses were....so I'm like, ok, thanks for your candour, didn't think much of it, but thought it strange that he would pick the performance apart, he was really doing a Simon Cowell !
So anyway I agreed to a further date, just to see if this reaction was isolated, or what....
But again, he started on about the performance. I feel awful if I'm honest ! Questioning myself and my ability, I barely even know this guy....
Why would you do that ?

Dravokivich

Are you sure he isn't just talking about what appears to be a common interest?

Aufbau

You went on two dates, and he made you feel bad both times.

What's your question?

dee_mc

None of us have met him, heard his tone of voice when he's speaking to you about your performance, none of us know whether he is a very accomplished musician or whether he had a valid point when he offered his opinion on your performance. None of us have spent time with him outside of your shared interest.
Either he was trying to take an interest and help you out with his critique, or he's a dick.
Only you can decide which...

silverharp

I wouldnt read too much into it, admittedly the correct thing to do would have been to compliment you on the things he liked about how you played and criticise the other musicians :pac: if he wanted to show you how knowledgeable he was , you could probably put him straight with a bit humor and he should get the message.

PressRun

Does this guy actually know anything about the kind of music you play or was this a sort of amateur critique? Did you ask for his opinion? Either way, I'd consider it pretty rude to start criticizing someone you've only just met, and to keep going on about it, even carrying the conversation over into a second date.

Emme

The OP said he went through her performance with a fine tooth comb and was critical of her. This would be a major red flag for me. If he had said "your performance was good overall but at one point you were looking at the stage when you were supposed to be looking at the audience" that might be ok but doing a Simon Cowell and making her feel bad on both dates doesn't bode well.

Abuse in relationships often starts with "constructive" criticism like this. I'd be worried about him continuing with the criticism on another date. After the performance was enough.

OP there are lots more fish in the sea so I'd advise you not to see him again. Even if there aren't that many more fish in the sea.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the remarks.
Initially I thought that it was just" his way ", and maybe it is, but it's not for me.
If he makes me feel like that when I am happiest within myself, then how would he make me feel when I am vulnerable , or naked even !!! No No No... I'm done here !
Thanks again.