Family member with cancer living in squalor

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

My family are in a predicament at the moment. My mother's sister, who is in her 50s, was diagnosed with terminal cancer last year. She is unmarried and has no children, and occupies a council flat which she shared with her mother and brother up until the time of their deaths (2 and 5 years ago respectively).

At the moment, she is in a hospice for a short stay as she has an infection connected to her illness and, it has just become apparent, the conditions in which she has been living.

No member of my family has set foot in the flat in at least eight years, and as such none of us knew the extent of the filth she was living in. My sister and mother spent today clearing up piles and piles of clothes strewn around the flat, and took photos to show me how bad the place has gotten. Words cannot accurately describe how dirty, disgusting and unhygienic the place has become - as a reference point for anyone who has ever seen programmes similar; it is ten times worse than anything you'd see on Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners or those shows about hoarding. As a family we feel that her home could definitely be classed as a biohazard - there are heavily soiled duvets on the bed, rat droppings and dead maggots in the place. It is destroyed with the damp as there's been no heating in the flat for many, many years and food that expired five years ago is in the fridge along with around four inches of dirt.

Our main concern is that after her short stay in the hospice, she will return to this place. She is a very stubborn woman who has refused to let anyone into her 'home' to help her - after much persuasion, she gave a key to my mother (her sister) so that she could bring in clothes etc. if she needed them while in the hospice. She does not know that my mother and sister were in the flat today to clean, and is likely to go absolutely crazy at them when she finds out, but this place stopped being fit for human habitation many years ago.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice on what we can do to stop her from returning, and is there any role that the doctors or council could play? Has anyone here been in a similar situation? We are worried that if the council do get involved that she may be left without a home for some time - several family members have offered to take her in, but she has flat out refused.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, we really appreciate it.

JuliusCaesar

Talk with the team/hospice social worker. They will be able to advise you.

getaroom

First port of call is the allocated cancer nurse. They will contact the social worker for you. You should also contact your local Dafodil Centre http://www.cancer.ie/how-we-can-help/daffodil-centres.

Palliative care is an option, In the last few months, before his death from Cancer, I knew someone who got a grant for heating and new windows, This was arranges through palliative care.

Ursus Horribilis

This looks like it's a mental health issue. The danger for your aunt is that if she moves back to her flat or indeed to anywhere else, she will continue to live in squalor. At this stage your family might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. If she returns to her flat and sees that it has been cleaned, she's going to fall out with people anyway. I think a chat with the medical people who are looking after her would be good advice. I'm sure she's not the first person to come their way who has had problems. I'd be slow to contact the council as a first port of call. Maybe social services could help or advise?

baby and crumble

When my Mum was going through chemo the social workers and nurses were at pains to tell us how crucial it was that the house was spotless. With a compromised immune system, infections come fast and develop like wildfire, even in really clean homes.

Her health will massively suffer, she won't have energy to clean even if she wanted to.

Talk to the nurses and social workers. They may be able to help. Is there any way she could love with someone else for a while?

Ursus Horribilis

If her flat was cleaned, I wonder would your relative be prepared to have home help or a cleaner come in? As an alternative to having to move out? I could be wrong but she sounds like someone who's hovering on the edge of sheltered accommodation territory.

getaroom

getaroom wrote: »

First port of call is the allocated cancer nurse. They will contact the social worker for you. You should also contact your local Dafodil Centre http://www.cancer.ie/how-we-can-help/daffodil-centres.

Palliative care is an option, In the last few months, before his death from Cancer, I knew someone who got a grant for heating and new windows, This was arranges through palliative care.

.

Minera

If you inform your aunt's cancer care team they won't allow her to return alternatively inform the council same will apply. Be prepared for your aunt being less than impressed though. I doubt she will ever thank you and may never speak to you again but I would think this is preferable to her returning to her flat.

Wesser

Why don't ye clean it yourselves or pay industrial cleaners to clean it while she's in. Problem solved.

intheclouds

Wesser wrote: »

Why don't ye clean it yourselves or pay industrial cleaners to clean it while she's in. Problem solved.

That's only treating a symptom. They need to put ongoing support in place.

There are clearly mental health issues at play. Speak to her medical team.

LegacyUser

Hi again,
thanks for all the replies so far. We're arranging to meet with a social worker tomorrow. MY mother broached the issue of my aunt returning to one of the nurses but was told that there's nothing they can do to stop her going back as she's technically in an alright state of mind. Hoping that the social workers will be able to help.

baby and crumble wrote: »

When my Mum was going through chemo the social workers and nurses were at pains to tell us how crucial it was that the house was spotless. With a compromised immune system, infections come fast and develop like wildfire, even in really clean homes.

Her health will massively suffer, she won't have energy to clean even if she wanted to.

Talk to the nurses and social workers. They may be able to help. Is there any way she could love with someone else for a while?

This was a huge problem of ours from the beginning of her treatment, but she simply would not let anyone in to help her clean. I can't stress enough how stubborn she is! My mother, another aunt and several of my cousins have all offered to take her in, but she won't budge. She wouldn't even come up to ours and spend the night on Christmas, never mind anything longer.

Odus fell down wrote: »

If her flat was cleaned, I wonder would your relative be prepared to have home help or a cleaner come in? As an alternative to having to move out? I could be wrong but she sounds like someone who's hovering on the edge of sheltered accommodation territory.

I'm afraid that no amount of cleaning could salvage this place - the dirt and damp is ingrained in the walls and floors;the couches, bedding, even cupboards. I think that when the council eventually take the flat back they'll have to gut the place entirely; take the walls down, pull the floors up, or else just board it up entirely, it's that bad. Even if we could clean it properly, she's been refusing all along to have nurses and palliative care come into her, so I'm not sure if she'd let a cleaner in.

Minera wrote: »

If you inform your aunt's cancer care team they won't allow her to return alternatively inform the council same will apply. Be prepared for your aunt being less than impressed though. I doubt she will ever thank you and may never speak to you again but I would think this is preferable to her returning to her flat.

The situation is so desperate that we'd rather her never speak to us again that go back to living, and possibly dying, in that place.

Wesser wrote: »

Why don't ye clean it yourselves or pay industrial cleaners to clean it while she's in. Problem solved.

As I've said before, it's impossible to clean it properly. Everything is destroyed. Industrial cleaners aren't an option as she's only in for a couple more days, and we're not in the position to be able to pay for cleaning of that scale.

As for the mentions of mental health issues, it's something we will discuss with her team too.

intheclouds

I think the council need to be involved if the damage is that bad. They will not want the blame if a tenant dies in squalor either. Do councils not inspect properties periodically?

getaroom

At the risk of being corrected by a moderator, MY OWN EXPERIENCE is a direct quote from a psychiatric nurse "Unfortunately with the resources available, HSE Social Workers, are overworked so you will get lots of promises to the point of building up hope only for nothing to be done".

Its unfortunate, but there you have it. Four members of my family including my self were treated for Cancer last year. Three were treated in Lukes. I have to have further surgery this year but as the main bread winner and as a self employed person, I can not allocate time to have it done. Im fortunate in that I have health insurance.

Contact Daffodil. If you get nothing else - you will get info., on what Social Services will do for you.

freshpopcorn

Just thinking of people who would have being elderly and living in fairly similar conditions to the op described. The doctors and distrtuct nurses often visited these people and once the people were happy they didn't make a fuss. The only time I did see a district nurse to act was when a lady had no toilet in the house.
Regarding somebody saying do the council inspect houses. I know people living in council houses 20+ years and the council only called once and offered the tenants double glazing and they tenants could say no and they didn't even need to leave them inside.
How bad is the houses op?
Is there definitely rats in it or are they mice? Mice/Shrews are easily enough dealt with but rats are a different story.
Since ye all ready started cleaning is there any hope?
Would renting carpet cleaners and cleaning all surfaces with sugar soap help?
I know a couple of weeks ago Lidl had mould prevention paint/etc in stock.
Sorry if I come across a bit pessimistic regarding doctors/nurses being able to help.

LegacyUser

getaroom wrote: »

At the risk of being corrected by a moderator, MY OWN EXPERIENCE is a direct quote from a psychiatric nurse "Unfortunately with the resources available, HSE Social Workers, are overworked so you will get lots of promises to the point of building up hope only for nothing to be done".

Its unfortunate, but there you have it. Four members of my family including my self were treated for Cancer last year. Three were treated in Lukes. I have to have further surgery this year but as the main bread winner and as a self employed person, I can not allocate time to have it done. Im fortunate in that I have health insurance.

Contact Daffodil. If you get nothing else - you will get info., on what Social Services will do for you.

I'm sorry that that happened to you and your family, the system is a joke at best. I'm going to contact Daffodil if nothing comes of meeting the team tomorrow.

freshpopcorn wrote: »

How bad is the houses op?
Is there definitely rats in it or are they mice? Mice/Shrews are easily enough dealt with but rats are a different story.
Since ye all ready started cleaning is there any hope?
Would renting carpet cleaners and cleaning all surfaces with sugar soap help?
I know a couple of weeks ago Lidl had mould prevention paint/etc in stock.
Sorry if I come across a bit pessimistic regarding doctors/nurses being able to help.

The flat is worse than you could imagine. You'd be better off lighting a match than attempt to repair the damage done. Even if we doused the place with bleach and soap, the rot is still there in the walls and in the floors, and in every stick of furniture in the place. The floors need to be pulled up and the walls torn town to be perfectly honest. I can't see the council ever using this flat again once she has passed. I wish I could post the pictures we have of the place to show you all how bad it is, but obviously I can't for privacy reasons.

My mother called my aunt earlier to let her know that she had been in - she just said that she had collected clothes to be washed and didn't mention anything about cleaning or the state of the place. She took it better than we had thought, but there was something very hesitant in her voice, you could tell she was annoyed.

Another problem has arisen in that she was told she'd be able to go out for a few hours tomorrow, but it's looking likely that she won't as she's only on antibiotics a few days and still quite unwell. She spent most of the phone call shouting at my mam in frustration that they mightn't let her out, and has said that if they don't, she'll discharge herself. We're hoping that she won't; she has a horrible fear of hospitals, and I told her that once she signs herself out of the hospice, when something happens to her she'll end up in hospital and might not get back out. I think it's made her reconsider, but we won't know for sure until tomorrow.

Thanks again for reading, everyone has been so helpful.

LegacyUser

My mother and I spoke with her team today - they said they can't stop her from returning home. We will try Daffodil soon but it's looking likely that there's nothing to be done.

shipsey

There is a vulnerable adults at risk of abuse social work team. They can work with extreme self neglect.the teams operate nationally.
There is also primary care social workers in some areas. Social worker in hospital could refer or family can self refer.
Your family needs to be open with your aunt that they have seen house and they are out happy for her to go back.medical team should reiterate this.
These kinds of cases are not uncommon and can be solved

Wesser

Here's an important question to ask

What's the prognosis? How long does she have?
If it's a matter of days to weeks then do a quick fixer upper yourselves and get her home to where she wants to be.

If it's months then yes ....engage with services
If she is competent to make the decision to go home to squalor then respect her wishes. Respect the wishes of a dying person. They are vulnerable and don't have much time left.

Ps. There can be all Kinds of family difficulties at these times. wishing you the best.

shipsey

I agree with alot of the above but the fact that she let ye have a key and knew your family would see what way she is living does it mean that deep down she wants change.
The situation must be handled sensitively as not to cause her offense. Or embarrassment.
Councils often clear out property that are in bad conditions if person can't do it themselves. Community welfare officers can give assistance depending on whether your aunt has means or not. Bank statements, proof of income would be needed.thanks