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Looking for advice

  • 06-01-2016 7:25pm
    #1
    Tetra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 301 ✭✭


    Well I am 35 years old. I have had some issues and I am back living with my parents while I get back on my feet. I am close to my family - some might say too close.

    After time and therapy I have picked myself up and am trying to rebuild my life. I am finally in a brighter place.

    I have been internet dating and I am enjoying being out and socialising. The thing is that he is a foreigner. I like him a lot, he makes me laugh and I feel more comfortable with him than most people I have known. He already has a visa. I am not sure about the future, I would just like to have fun for now.

    Tonight I decided to tell my family that I am happy. My parents hit the roof and have "forbidden" me from seeing him. My sister got married to a guy from Eastern Europe about 10 years ago and it ended in a complete disaster. So naturally I guess my parents would be wary.

    I thought they would be happy that I am happy. But my mother just told me that I am breaking her heart and I am not sure what to do. My father says he hopes he will die soon as he can't take the stress.

    Now I just feel guilty and ashamed after everything they did for me. I am working on moving out and I hope to do so soon.


Comments

  • #2
    Voltex
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,584 ✭✭✭Voltex


    I suppose we all define what we think we know based on our experiences and what certain choices end up delivering - I think the jargon word is path dependency. Your parents reaction is a result of they're previous experiences and how they feel this relationship will play out.

    Maybe you could take a critical and objective look at the differences between you and your sister's relationship history and show your parents this new relationship will be different..or agree that things will move slowly and they can get to know the new man in a mutually comfortable manner.

    Your Parents at the end of the day are only interested in what is best for you..but that may not be necessarily what you feel is what you want..so be open to what they say and suggest, but bearing in mind what you really want also.


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