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Let go or keep trying

  • 03-01-2016 12:32am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I had a very close friend for a long time but the lines got a little blurred between us and we kissed one night. It made things awkward and I told him it was best we just remain friends and he seemed annoyed, and I do admit I had probably led him on to some extent

    We'd had our ups and downs before this and he had very much upset me on other occassions too.

    However he was a great friend of mine and I miss him, I wish bygones could just be bygones. Last time I saw him he was frosty and it was awkward. I txt him since but he never responded.


    Should I let go of this friendship or keep trying?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well it's not just a friendship anymore. You've said yourself that it crossed the line of friendship, and then you tried to pull it back to being friends. I can understand why the guy is confused/p*ssed off.

    I think it's disingenuous to try to recreate the friendship, but if you do want this person in your life, you have to have the conversation about what happened, and be clear that you don't see it turning into a relationship - especially as you've said that you led him on.

    I feel sorry for him tbh. Do you know if you want him as a friend or more?


  • #3
    Merkin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    Why did you lead him on? Was it for attention, to test his reaction or do you fancy him?


  • #4
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    To be fair, what you did to him was pretty lousy. Why did you lead the guy on if you didn't fancy him? Nobody likes being toyed with and that's exactly what went on here. He probably thinks you did this as some sort of mean trick or an ego boost. It was a mean thing to do, especially if he had feelings for you and was led to believe that you saw him as more than a friend. Even if he forgives you, don't fool yourself into thinking that your friendship can go back to the way it was. It can't.


  • #5
    orthsquel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 563 ✭✭✭orthsquel


    I agree with all that has been already said.
    FriendshipHelp wrote: »
    Last time I saw him he was frosty and it was awkward. I txt him since but he never responded.

    You have contacted him since and you got no response. I think it's pretty clear that you should leave him alone and not try to rekindle the friendship. If the friendship is ever to start over again, it must be on his terms with him contacting you.

    to be honest though, unless you are absolutely 100% certain this is someone you only see as a platonic friend, will treat as a platonic friend, and communicate to them that they are a platonic friend and they only interact with you on the basis of you both understanding you are platonic friends, then you should otherwise not involve eachother in eachother's lives.

    He may have mixed feelings for you, he may like you more than as friends, it would be extremely difficult on him if he has feelings for you that you do not reciprocate or are unsure of what you want from him, so it is best that he is not in contact with you.

    I will also say that it is also difficult when you see someone as a platonic friend and treat them as such to have them acting in a way that is beyond being a platonic friend as it can be a source of frustration in a friendship and potential block to having a relationship with someone else.

    If you're ever in the same situation again with a friend, be sure in your head before you act that moving from being friends to being a couple or friends with benefits is actually what you want. there can be no uncertainty on either person's part because when there is, the friendship often ends as a result.

    If you are to patch things up as friends, platonic friends, you need to be upfront and straight to him about how you feel about him that you view him as a platonic friends and don't have feelings for him beyond that.. Same if you want to be a couple, you need to be upfront that you do have feelings for him, so he knows where he stands.


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