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Low self esteem sabotaging relationship

  • 02-01-2016 11:16pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've been with my BF for 2 years now and I love him to pieces. He's always been there for me when I need him and up to now I have never doubted the strength of our relationship.

    Since the start of 2015 to now I have gained 2 stone...reason is a combination of laziness (trying to juggle shift work, my degree & the gym), poor diet and possibly contraception. I feel like absolute crap. When I first met my BF I was really into fitness & eating well, always a fit, slim girl and he said he always found that extremely attractive about me as he's a gym buff himself.

    Because of this weight gain my confidence has hit rock bottom. I dress to cover up and don't fit any of my old clothes. Our sex life is still great but I'm not as comfortable with certain positions etc where I'm conscious of him seeing my weight gain in full glory. He has NEVER mentioned my weight gain to me but no doubt he has noticed. However he's hinted once or twice which makes me feel like it's on his mind.

    Currently I feel like a shell of my former self. I'm determined to lose the 2 stone by Summer and have re-joined my gym, signed up to a personal trainer and did a healthy food shop today. Though in the meantime I feel dreadful. I'm constantly picking fights and acting needy and have even caught myself looking at his phone for the first time (nothing on it).

    How can I get my self-esteem up? I'm willing to seek counselling if counsellors do that type of thing. Any advice appreciated


Comments

  • #2
    Confucius say
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 418 ✭✭Confucius say


    You very well may sabotage it if you don't get better ASAP. I know what you mean I let myself get out of shape previously and it definitely affects your mood and relationship. When you're clothes don't fit anymore and trying to buy new clothes seems like a lost cause as everything looks terrible on you, in your eyes anyway. It's new year now so perfect time to get back in shape so if you did it before you can do it again. Once you get started the weight will fall off in no time. Good luck!


  • #3
    orthsquel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 563 ✭✭✭orthsquel


    NoConfidence88 wrote: »
    Currently I feel like a shell of my former self. I'm determined to lose the 2 stone by Summer and have re-joined my gym, signed up to a personal trainer and did a healthy food shop today. Though in the meantime I feel dreadful. I'm constantly picking fights and acting needy and have even caught myself looking at his phone for the first time (nothing on it)

    tbh you have a great relationship, he has been there for you in the past and sounds like a supportive partner you can trust. Why don't you just sit down with him and tell him you are just feeling low in yourself because of your weight gain? He might be wondering wtf is going on with you picking fights, and he's never going to be certain that you're unhappy about your weight and insecure in your body shape in your relationship unless you actually tell him that.

    You have made great progress in already setting a goal of weight loss, in re-joining your gym, in getting a personal trainer and a healthier food shop. Let him support you while you do this, let him know that your weight has been bothering you. At least then he will know that is what has been bothering you rather than wondering what's been going on with you.

    Perhaps you will feel better once you start getting exercise and more confident and secure in yourself - but even just the plan you have made, that you have committed to for yourself is a massive positive, because you are acknowledging that your weight is an issue for you, that it is making you unhappy and you are using your own power and will within your control to tackle it rather than sitting and ignoring it without addressing it. Not everyone realises that, some times people can go into denial about their weight even when they're unhappy about it or blame others about it. You're not doing that, you're instead being proactive in a positive way to do something productive about it.


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