Men and their commitment issues

LegacyUser

I was going out with a great guy for 6 months until he ended it a few days ago. I am devastated, party because I didn't see it coming and also because I loved him and thought things were going great.

We were making plans for the future (mainly initiated by him) and seemed to be heading in the right direction but he says he doesn't know what he wants, he really likes me, spending time with me and misses me when we're not together.. so what's the problem then? Says he will never find someone as great as me, so why throw it all away then? I'm not sure I want to lose him and let this one go but I'm not sure I have a choice either.. I said I couldn't be with someone who didn't know how they felt about me and as soon as I said that he backtracked, saying he didn't mean what he said and didn't want to lose me etc and could we try again. To say my head is fried is an understatement!

Just looking for some insight.. We are both mid thirties.

batmanrobin

I'd say cut your loses, OP. By 6 months a person knows whether they want to be with someone or not. If he's in two minds about things it doesn't look good. Leave him to his head melting and draw a line under the experience. It's weird, it always seems to be those men who promise the world and go OTT in terms of "the future" that never can deliver!

Augme

Generally when being dumped I ignore all the bull**** excuses and reasons that are given. Similar when I break up with someone I do tend to sugar coat it with fluff and lies. If someone breaks up with you the vast majority of the time it means that they simply don't like you enough. I don't think the reasons for this are ever that important.


Has he ever had a serious relationship before? Someone who's in their mid 30s and hasn't had a serious relationship would be big turn off for me if I was looking to get involved in a serious relationship.

Lia_lia

Similar thing happened with myself and my fella. We were going out for about 6 months, he broke it off because he "didn't feel like he was ready for a relationship", I was upset at first but then got over it. Accepted that we weren't getting back together and didn't really mind because I just thought he didn't want to be with me anyway.

About 2 months later we got back together and now we've been together over 3 years, living together and happy out.

It really depends on the person I guess. I'd leave him go and give it a few months and see how it is then. I never really like giving advice for these sort of things because it really does depend on the couple. Just sharing my similar experience!

LegacyUser

It's just hard to move on when I was being told such conflicting things, he even said himself he was making a big mistake and would never find anyone as good as me, I don't understand why you would throw that all away!

I suppose there's nothing I can do and as someone said after 6 months if he doesn't know how he feels then maybe he's not the one for me. It hurts more when it's out of the blue and there were no signs or nothing amiss.

TracyFlick

See my own thread OP, exact same thing just happened to me but at least mine had the decency to be definitive about it. It sounds like he likes hanging out with you and is interested to a point but can't commit or declare strong feelings.

Doesn't sound worth the head melt. Maybe have one final conversation where you tell him to make up his damn mind once and for all. Then cut your losses if he's still dithering. My (recent as of yesterday!) ex's dithering was driving me crazy and would have been detrimental to my esteem if we had kept it going.

zephyro

OP you refer to "commitment issues" in the title of your post, what kind of a commitment would you be looking for?

santana75

Jenny823 wrote: »

It's just hard to move on when I was being told such conflicting things, he even said himself he was making a big mistake and would never find anyone as good as me, I don't understand why you would throw that all away!

I suppose there's nothing I can do and as someone said after 6 months if he doesn't know how he feels then maybe he's not the one for me. It hurts more when it's out of the blue and there were no signs or nothing amiss.

Just to give you mans perspective on something like this, it really is nothing to do with you OP, Id take the guy at his word. Ive done this and it really was about me and my own personal happiness in life. People can be guilty of entering a relationship thinking it was gonna make them happy, but after a while they still feel that knawing inside of them like something is missing. If you're smart and self aware you realise its about you and your life, nothing to do with the other person. It sounds like this guy needs to really find himself and make himself happy before he can go into another relationship. I think there is a basic difference between men and women when it comes to life, from what Ive seen and read anyway. Women are all about relationships and children, I know thats a generalisation and all but I think the primary drive of most women is to have that family. Men on the other hand are all about their mission in life. Doing whatever it is thats in their heart and following their dreams. Along the way the might have a family but that in itself is not their main aim.

CaraMay

Op if you are into someone you don't end it. It's that simple. He's trying to either soften the blow or keep you hanging in case single life doesn't happen as he planned.

It's a lot of messing for a guy of his age. Let him off and don't settle for someone who plays games like this. Don't contact him whatever you do.