First Chapter Of A Novel

WomanSkirtFan8

Hi all,

Just completely redid the opening to my novel. Would appreciate some feedback.

Ireland, circa. 1454

"Aine O'Doherty galloped towards home. Despite the early morning dew, the rain still pelted down. As she galloped along the rocky, narrow stony pathway, she couldn't wait to get home. For three days, she had been a guest of the O'Neil family. A disease had struck the family and as the local healer, Aine had been summoned. It had taken some time for her to come up with a medicine but now the family members appeared to be recovering fairly well.
She had left the family home in the care of her two daughters, Andrea and Katherine.
Although they were twin sisters, they were not identical twins; in fact their individual personalities couldn't have been more different. But despite this, she deeply loved both of them.
Suddenly the horse reared up, throwing Aine off his back as an ghostly apparition suddenly appeared rather aburptly in front of them. An extremely loud piercing shriek filled the air.
She immediately sprang to her feet.
The rain now pelted down more heavily. Aine could feel the wetness on her face. A loud rumble of thunder caught her attention.
She looked up at a small speck in the sky. It grew bigger with each passing second eventually forming into the shape of a ghostly-looking horse-drawn carriage.
"Oh no! The Death Coach!" she exclaimed in horror.
She tried to move but found that she had somehow become immobilised. She thought quickly.
She just about managed to summon up enough strength to magically project a forcefield around herself. This, she hoped, would prevent the coach from taking her to her doom.
But alas! This was not to be.
When the coach finally landed on the solid ground, Aine pulled out a long, hazel wand and stood ready.
However, despite this, she very quickly discovered that she had somehow accidentally trapped herself in the process of creating this forcefield.
The dullahan looked at her.
"Aine O'Doherty!" he commanded. "Get in!"
Aine tried to resist but found that her magical powers appeared to have been shorted out somehow. The next thing she knew, she found herself sitting in the coach.
As the coach then galloped away towards the spiritual realm, Aine thought about her two daughters.
"I just hope that they will both be okay. I don't understand this! This is NOT my time! I must do something about this!"
She raised her wand and cast a spell.
There was an blinding flash followed by an extremely loud bang.
At that moment, King Seamus, king of the Unseelie Court of the fairy fole known as the Sidhe and his wife Queen Sile, were walking through the fields of their kingdom, when she suddenly let out a cry of pain and vanished in a thick puff of smoke
Meanwhile back at the O'Doherty family home, Katherine was returning home from another hard day's work in the fields gathering herbs when she spotted Andrea outside the village inn.
She gave a brief scowl as she approached.
"Shouldn't you be preparing more of this medicine?" she grumbled.
"I've already finished Kathy." Andrea replied. "I'm heading back home now. Besides, I think everyone's perfectly entitled to take a break every once in a while."
"Take a break?! I'M the one doing all the work!" Katherine exclaimed crossly.
"I know that sis." Andrea said kindly as she put her arm around, if somewhat slight impetuous younger sister. "We'd be lost only for your efforts."
Katherine smiled a faint smile.
"Come on. Let's go home." Andrea said very gently.
Katherine nodded.
As they made their way towards home, Katherine said "When did mum say that she'd be back?"
"A few days I think." replied Andrea as they walked along the road together.
"Good. I can't wait to see her again. I've missed her." Katherine said.
"I know Kathy. Me too."
By this point, they were now approaching the family house. It was a fairly typical medieval house. Built of stone walls with a thatched roof. Wisps of smoke, coling like snakes, eminated from the stone chimney.
Just as they got to the door, they felt an extremely cold and icy, almost deathly chill run through both of them.
"Andrea...did you just feel that?" Katherine asked.
Andrea nodded.
"Some poor unfortunate soul must have just met their fate." sighed Andrea. "Come on, we must get the house ready before mother comes home."
With that they both made their way into the house.

****************
Deep within his lair, King Seamus had just received a report from one of his servants .
"The Death Coach has just returned from its mission, sir."
"Very well."
He turned to Maeve who stood beside him.
"Won't be long now Maeve. Soon we'll have Aine O'Doherty here and once we have her, she'll be able to answer a lot of questions about what tactics the Seelies are planning to use against us."
"With all due respect Seamus. " replied Maeve. "I really don't see why we need her. With our magical powers it should be relatively easy enough to get back that artefact that was taken from us."
"Look Maeve. It's really quite simple. Aine O'Doherty is the most powerful witch in Ireland at the present time. We won be able to proceed with our plan to reconquer Ireland if she and her family are standing in our way!"
"Wait a minute. She has family?"
"Yes. She has two daughters."
Maeve sighed, her arms folded.
"Well that just complicates matters even further. Why didn't you mention this before?"
"I didn't think it was necessary at the time." replied King Seamus.
Maeve didn't respond. She just kept a suspicious eye on King Seamus.

****************
The early morning sunlight crept slowly over the peaks of the mountains to the east.
Katherine woke up slightly agitated.
She sat up in her bed.
A glance from her and the next minute.....two of the windows suddenly broke.
The house also shook slightly.
She got up and took a few minutes to get dressed.
As she combed her hair, she saw a faint, ghostly figure appeared in the mirror.
"Mum!" she said slowly.
This greatly disturbed her.
She finished dressing and then went into the kitchen.
Andrea had just finished putting wood on the fire.
She also looked concerned.
"Where's mum?" Katherine asked as she felt a sense of mounting concern build up within her.
"She never came home last night." Andrea replied solemnly. "I've already sent for help."
"Wait a minute. Haven't you tried looking for her?"
"I've been too busy."
"Doing what exactly?" Katherine demanded to know, arms folded.
"Well I had to contact Aunt Caoimhe. She should be here soon."
Caoimhe was the girls' aunt and Aine's slightly younger sister. She had a lively personality."

femur61

I thought it very good, I got a sense of time and place. I can't give you an indept structural criticism, as this is my weak point, but just one expression that I thought was a bit modern was the phrase, "mum." I am not too sure the last sentence with, "she was lively."

WomanSkirtFan8

femur61 wrote: »

I thought it very good, I got a sense of time and place. I can't give you an indept structural criticism, as this is my weak point, but just one expression that I thought was a bit modern was the phrase, "mum." I am not too sure the last sentence with, "she was lively."

thanks. Yeah it does sound a bit modern doesn;t it? I think it would probably be better to have katherine say "mother" instead of "mum."

This is only the first draft so naturally a lot of mistakes will show up but nothing that can't be solved later on.

There is goint to be a slight time jump between this period and the next period which is set in the present-day. Haven't quite figured that out yet.

Insect Overlord

Was Áine galloping, or was she riding a galloping horse?

Does the pathway have to be rocky and stony?

You don't need to say "suddenly" twice in one sentence, especially if you also have the word "abruptly" in that sentence.

Did the ghostly apparition appear "suddenly" or "eventually"? It can't do both.

The magical forcefield has no set up. We know Áine has healing powers, but we had no reason to expect she had other gifts. You could possibly avoid this problem if you use the conversation between Maeve and Seamus as a prologue, instead of sticking it in as the second section.

Two events happen "somehow" within the space of a few lines. This is very vague.

As they made their way towards home, Katherine said "When did mum say that she'd be back?"
"A few days I think." replied Andrea as they walked along the road together.

You've effectively said the same thing twice in two lines.

an extremely cold and icy, almost deathly chill

A chill is obviously going to be cold. Keep it at "deathly". The rest is superfluous.

A glance from her and the next minute.....two of the windows suddenly broke.
The house also shook slightly.

This would be more effective if the pieces in bold were one sentence.
An ellipsis only requires three full-stops.

Why does Katherine spend so long getting dressed and brushing her hair after her house shook and the windows broke? Weird reaction.

Aunt Caoimhe.
Caoimhe was the girls' aunt

You've introduced the character as "aunt Caoimhe". It's not really necessary to then tell the reader that she is the girls' aunt.

cdeb

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

thanks. Yeah it does sound a bit modern doesn;t it? I think it would probably be better to have katherine say "mother" instead of "mum."

"Mam" might be best, from the Irish "Mamaí", and leading to the more traditional Irish "Ma". I'm presuming Áine would be an Irish speaker. Nobody addresses their mum as "mother"

WomanSkirtFan8

An File wrote: »

Was Áine galloping, or was she riding a galloping horse?

Does the pathway have to be rocky and stony?

You don't need to say "suddenly" twice in one sentence, especially if you also have the word "abruptly" in that sentence.

Did the ghostly apparition appear "suddenly" or "eventually"? It can't do both.

The magical forcefield has no set up. We know Áine has healing powers, but we had no reason to expect she had other gifts. You could possibly avoid this problem if you use the conversation between Maeve and Seamus as a prologue, instead of sticking it in as the second section.

Two events happen "somehow" within the space of a few lines. This is very vague.



You've effectively said the same thing twice in two lines.



A chill is obviously going to be cold. Keep it at "deathly". The rest is superfluous.



This would be more effective if the pieces in bold were one sentence.
An ellipsis only requires three full-stops.

Why does Katherine spend so long getting dressed and brushing her hair after her house shook and the windows broke? Weird reaction.



You've introduced the character as "aunt Caoimhe". It's not really necessary to then tell the reader that she is the girls' aunt.

Q1: Was Áine galloping, or was she riding a galloping horse?
Yes she is galloping home on horseback. I was going to have her walking home but given the period in time this takes place, horseback seemed to make a lot more sense.

Q2: Did the ghostly apparition appear "suddenly" or "eventually"? It can't do both.
It gradually appears as a distant speck in the sky but immediately fills anyone who sees it with a sense of dread because they know death coming.

Q4: Why does Katherine spend so long getting dressed and brushing her hair after her house shook and the windows broke? Weird reaction.
Katherine is actually brushing her hair before the windows break. Its that little moment when you have a gut feeling that something may or may not be wrong but you're not entirely sure. At least thats the idea.

I obviously still need to work on avoid any sense of repetition but as i said already, its nothing that can't be sorted out.:cool:

cdeb

cdeb wrote: »

"Mam" might be best, from the Irish "Mamaí", and leading to the more traditional Irish "Ma". I'm presuming Áine would be an Irish speaker. Nobody addresses their mum as "mother"

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

There is goint to be a slight time jump between this period and the next period which is set in the present-day. Haven't quite figured that out yet.

Actually, I missed this bit of your previous post.

Is the third section of your OP a new time period? A modern time period? If so, "mum" is a good word to use as it hints at the change of scenery entirely - already alluded to by the presence of a bedroom and windows, neither of which would really be common in 1454. But depending on the exact time period, or indeed the character's social status, "Mam", "Ma" or "Mum" would be best. "Mamma", even, if they're English aristocracy or the like. But not "Mother"

Also, there's a sequence issue with these lines -

"Mum!" she said slowly.
This greatly disturbed her.

There's no reason why slowly saying "Mum!" would greatly disturb someone.

(Also, it's hard to slowly exclaim "Mum!" I think. It's a short word, and exclaiming it would shorten it further - try it yourself. If it's to be said slowly - warily, perhaps, given what's happened - a question mark at the end might better convey it. Possibly an extra "u" or two. "Muuumm...?"

Just my two cents; don't feel bound by it at all!

Del.Monte

In fairness, you really need to go back and study basic sentence construction before writing further as it's brain damaging to read some of your contributions. In this, and previous threads, you come across as somebody who hasn't read many books or you would have picked up some of the basics?

'Everybody does have a book inside them, but in most cases that's where it should stay'. Christopher Hitchens.

PS At least your spelling has improved considerably.

Insect Overlord

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

Q1: Was Áine galloping, or was she riding a galloping horse?
Yes she is galloping home on horseback. I was going to have her walking home but given the period in time this takes place, horseback seemed to make a lot more sense.

In that case, say that the horse is galloping. Otherwise it sounds as if Áine is moving like a horse.

Livvie

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

Hi all,

Just completely redid the opening to my novel. Would appreciate some feedback.

Ireland, circa. 1454

"Aine O'Doherty galloped towards home. Despite the early morning dew, the rain still pelted down. Does dew hinder rain? Genuine question - if it does, fair enough. If not, needs rewording.

As she galloped along the rocky, narrow stony pathway, too many adjectives there, imo she couldn't wait to get home.

For three days, she had been a guest of the O'Neil family. A disease had struck the family and as the local healer, Aine had been summoned. It had taken some time for her to come up with a medicine but now the family members appeared to be recovering fairly well.

She had left the family home in the care of her two daughters, Andrea and Katherine. Although they were twin sisters, they were not identical twins; in fact their individual personalities couldn't have been more different. But Despite this, she deeply loved both of them.

Suddenly the horse reared up, throwing Aine off his back as a an ghostly apparition suddenly appeared rather aburptly in front of them. An extremely loud piercing shriek filled the air.

Aine She immediately sprang to her feet. The rain now pelted down It was raining more heavily, and Aine could feel the wetness on her face. A loud rumble of thunder caught her attention.

She looked up at a small speck in the sky. It which grew bigger with each passing second, eventually forming into the shape of a ghostly-looking horse-drawn carriage.

"Oh no! The Death Coach!" she Aine exclaimed in horror. She tried to move but found that she had somehow become immobilised. She thought quickly and She just about managed to summon up enough strength to magically project a forcefield around herself. This, she hoped, would prevent the coach from taking her to her doom.
But alas! This was not to be.

When the coach finally landed on the solid ground, Aine pulled out a long, hazel wand and stood ready. However, despite this, she very quickly soon discovered that she had somehow accidentally trapped herself in the process of creating this forcefield.

The dullahan looked at her. "Aine O'Doherty!" he commanded. "Get in!"

Aine tried to resist but found that her magical powers appeared to have been shorted out somehow. Not sure about 'shorted out'. Maybe 'rendered useless'? The next thing she knew, she was found herself sitting in the coach.

As the coach travelled then galloped away towards the spiritual realm, Aine thought about her two daughters. "I just hope that they will both be okay. I don't understand this! This is NOT my time! I must do something about this!"

She raised her wand and cast a spell and There was an a blinding flash was followed by an extremely loud bang.

At that moment, King Seamus, king of the Unseelie Court of the fairy folk known as the Sidhe, and his wife Queen Sile, were walking through the fields of their kingdom, when she suddenly let out a cry of pain and vanished in a thick puff of smoke.

Meanwhile back at the O'Doherty family home, Katherine was returning home from another hard day's work in the fields gathering herbs when she spotted Andrea outside the village inn.

She gave a brief scowl as she approached. Who scowled as who approached? Not apparent which sister is which here.

"Shouldn't you be preparing more of this medicine?" she grumbled.

"I've already finished Kathy." Andrea replied. "I'm heading back home now. Besides, I think everyone's perfectly entitled to take a break every once in a while."

"Take a break?! I'M the one doing all the work!" Katherine exclaimed crossly.

"I know that sis." Andrea said kindly as she put her arm around, if somewhat slight her impetuous younger sister. "We'd be lost only for your efforts."

Katherine smiled a faint smile.

"Come on. Let's go home." Andrea said very gently.

Katherine nodded.

As they made their way towards home, Katherine said "When did mum say that she'd be back?"

"A few days I think." replied Andrea as they walked along the road together.

"Good. I can't wait to see her again. I've missed her." Katherine said.

"I know Kathy. Me too."

By this point, They were now approaching the family house. It was a fairly typical medieval family house, built of stone walls with a thatched roof. Wisps of smoke, coling like snakes, emanated from the stone chimney.

Just as they got to the door, they felt an extremely cold and icy, almost deathly chill run through both of them. If you are writing from the pov of one character, this sentence wouldn't work

"Andrea...did you just feel that?" Katherine asked.

Andrea nodded. "Some poor unfortunate soul must have just met their fate." sighed Andrea. "Come on, we must get the house ready before mother comes home."

With that they both made their way into the house.

****************
Deep within his lair, King Seamus had just received a report from one of his servants .

"The Death Coach has just returned from its mission, sir."

"Very well."

HeThe King turned to Maeve, who stood beside him.

"Won't be long now Maeve. Soon we'll have Aine O'Doherty here and once we have her, she'll be able to answer a lot of questions about what tactics the Seelies are planning to use against us."

"With all due respect Seamus. " replied Maeve. "I really don't see why we need her. With our magical powers it should be relatively easy enough to get back that artefact that was taken from us."

"Look Maeve. It's really quite simple. Aine O'Doherty is the most powerful witch in Ireland at the present time. We wont be able to proceed with our plan to reconquer Ireland if she and her family are standing in our way!"

"Wait a minute. She has family?"

"Yes. She has two daughters."

Maeve sighed, her arms folded. "Well that just complicates matters even further. Why didn't you mention this before?"

"I didn't think it was necessary at the time." Seamus replied King Seamus.

Maeve didn't respond. She just kept a suspicious eye on him King Seamus.

****************
The early morning sunlight crept slowly over the peaks of the mountains to the east.

Katherine woke up slightly agitated and She sat up in her bed.

A glance from her and the next minute.....two of the windows suddenly broke. The house also shook slightly.

She Katherine got up and took a few minutes to get dressed. As she combed her hair, she saw a faint, ghostly figure appeared in the mirror.

"Mum!" she said slowly. Not sure how one word can be said slowly

This greatly disturbed her. Katherine was disturbed. She finished dressing and then went into the kitchen.

Andrea had just finished putting wood on the fire. She also looked concerned.

"Where's mum?" Katherine asked as she felt a sense of mounting concern build built up within her.

"She never came home last night." Andrea replied solemnly. "I've already sent for help."

"Wait a minute. Haven't you tried looking for her?"

"I've been too busy."

"Doing what exactly?" Katherine demanded to know, arms folded.

"Well I had to contact Aunt Caoimhe. She should be here soon."

Caoimhe was the girls' aunt and Aine's slightly younger sister. She had a lively personality."

Hi...I have made a few suggestions above, though in haste so may well have read something wrong, and therefore offered the wrong advice. I hope you can make sense of it. I've taken out some superfluous words - well, words I felt were superfluous. I'm no expert, but have had some editing experience.

I love Seelie stories, so would be interested to see where this goes. I feel it needs a little more introduction - it doesn't feel like the beginning. Oh, and 'Mum' doesn't sound very medieval.

The King doesn't seem to be too perturbed about the disappearance of his wife - unless I've missed something in my haste!

WomanSkirtFan8

Q1: Is the third section of your OP a new time period? A modern time period?
Yes. The rest of the story takes place in the present day (2016) so I know that the word "Mum" is probably not going to be an issue as such. I think to keep within an Irish context, I'm probably going to stick with either "Mam" orr "Ma."

Just try and bear in mind that this is only a first draft so naturally a lot of problems are going to show up as a result.
thanks for the input btw.:cool:

cdeb

On the historical side again, Andrea is not a historical Irish name. Neither is Katherine (with a K) - there's no K in the Irish language.

If the third part of your post is in the present day and the first part is historical, it shouldn't have the same names (Andrea and Katherine) - that's either really confusing or indicative of some sort of time travel/immortality powers which haven't been introduced.

Also, in the second line, it's not really possible to gallop along a narrow, rocky, stony path.

redser7

As a suggestion, try not to get too bogged in any of these details at this early stage and just try to power through to the end of the first draft, get the bones of your story down.

WomanSkirtFan8

redser7 wrote: »

As a suggestion, try not to get too bogged in any of these details at this early stage and just try to power through to the end of the first draft, get the bones of your story down.

Don't worry I won't. At This stage, I'm just trying to get the first draft of the story written. I'll worry about all the little details later when doing the revision and editing. :cool:

WomanSkirtFan8

Livvie wrote: »

Hi...I have made a few suggestions above, though in haste so may well have read something wrong, and therefore offered the wrong advice. I hope you can make sense of it. I've taken out some superfluous words - well, words I felt were superfluous. I'm no expert, but have had some editing experience.

I love Seelie stories, so would be interested to see where this goes. I feel it needs a little more introduction - it doesn't feel like the beginning. Oh, and 'Mum' doesn't sound very medieval.

The King doesn't seem to be too perturbed about the disappearance of his wife - unless I've missed something in my haste!

Thanks. I'll certainly try to. I'll attempt to explain everything as well as developing the introduction a bit more. Plenty more to come. :cool:

Avatar MIA

This is head and shoulders above what I've seen previously. This is at least decent.

A lot of work required, but still a major improvement.

I'll keep to just one specific comment. 'Despite the early due...'? Why despite?

WomanSkirtFan8

Avatar MIA wrote: »

This is head and shoulders above what I've seen previously. This is at least decent.

A lot of work required, but still a major improvement.

I'll keep to just one specific comment. 'Despite the early due...'? Why despite?

Thanks and good point. I suppose I'm just trying to create some sense of atmosphere and the fact that Aine may not be entirely mentally or physically awake at that early hour. I know I'm usually not!

I've done an awful lot of story development on this particularly story for a long time now so that explains why6 this is so much better at this point than my other story (which still needs a lot of development done on it! as others have already pointed out)

Yes there is indeed still a lot of work that needs to be done on this but tjis at least is a decent enough start I suppose.:)

Avatar MIA

WomanSkirtFan8 wrote: »

Thanks and good point. I suppose I'm just trying to create some sense of atmosphere and the fact that Aine may not be entirely mentally or physically awake at that early hour. I know I'm usually not!

I've done an awful lot of story development on this particularly story for a long time now so that explains why6 this is so much better at this point than my other story (which still needs a lot of development done on it! as others have already pointed out)

Yes there is indeed still a lot of work that needs to be done on this but tjis at least is a decent enough start I suppose.:)

Good stuff. Stick with this story. I think you were trying too hard to make the other story work. It didn't - not on any level, imo.

WomanSkirtFan8

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Good stuff. Stick with this story. I think you were trying too hard to make the other story work. It didn't - not on any level, imo.

Thanks. I absolutely intend to. I know exactly where this story is going and whats going to happen along the way. I'm constantly writing down notes in various notebooks as well.

WomanSkirtFan8

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Good stuff. Stick with this story. I think you were trying too hard to make the other story work. It didn't - not on any level, imo.

True enough. I suppose I went straight into that other story without taking into consideration any of the basic first. This story however, is one which I have been working on for a while so yes will deffinately be sticking with this one.
:cool:

WomanSkirtFan8

Okay folks, here's the first draft of the prologue:

Andrea O'Doherty sat at a her kitchen table. With a cup of hot, steaming green herbal tea beside her, she picked up an old-fashioned-looking pen (the kind with a feather on the end.) She opened the large and extremely heavy Book Of Shadows in front of her and began to write.



"Let me tell you a story of days of old. Of a time when elements of Irish mythology became a reality for all of us here in the town of Craughhill. It all happened like this......"



***************

The Cooley penninsula lay in absolute ruins. The once beautiful landscape had now been completely transformed into something which resembled the look of a battlefield. Many of the people left, mainly women and children, wept and lamented the loss of all of their menfolk which had resulted of the epic Battle Of The Bulls which had just taken place.

Amongst the survivors, stood a lone hooded woman. She held a long wooden staff in one hand; her other hand held on to the edge of her hood.

After a few moments, Maeve then turned away and continued on her way; unaware that her movements were being secretly observed.

Her journey back to her own homstead proved to be extremely long and difficult. She reached home at around dawn. The sun was just beginning to appear on the horizon.

Just as Maeve reached the last few paces before home, a swift suddenly flew down from the top of one of the trees and landed only a few feet away from her.

This startled Maeve a little. She felt her limbs tighten up slightly.

As she watched, the swift began to transform until it eventually formed into the shape of a little man no more than a foot or so tall.

Maeve rasied her staff slightly.

"Now then Maeve." he said somewhat sternly. "That's not a very nice way to welcome an old friend, now is it?"

"It's not particularly nice when you deliberately sneak up on people either, Seamus." Maeve retorted bitterly. "What do you want anyone?"

Prince Seamus, brother of the King Connor, leader of the magical fairy folk known throughout Ireland as the sidhe, relaxed for a moment, though still kept an extremely watchful eye on Maeve for he knew only too well how slippery and cunning she could be.

"I'm here to escort you to the Court of the Sidhe. King Connor wants to have a word with you about what happened with the Cattle Raid."

"Does he now?! I don't have to answer to anyone!" Maeve snapped rather angrilly.

Seamus however, didn't pay this any attention.

"Well in this case, I'm afraid you do. Are yoy ready?"

"Ready for what?" Maeve asked. "Now wait just a minute...!"

However, despite Maeve's protests, Seamus used the magic of the sidhe to transport them both to the Court of the Sidhe.

When they arrived, they found King Connor and Queen Aoife seated on their thrones at the head of packed court. Every creature of the sidhe was there in attendance.

An elderly-looking woman stood nervously before the king.

"Please don't do this!" she pleaded.

The king, however, remained unmoved.

"I'm sorry Caoimhe," he firmly replied. "But you know the rules. Nobody here can use this honourable court for their own selfish ends without any fear of consequences."

With that, he raised his own magical staff, muttered some words in ancient Gaelic.

Caoimhe let out an extremely painful scream, her body arched wildly in various different shapes, and then she disappeared in a blinding flash of energy.

The king then cast a careful, watchful eye around the assembled sidhe. After a moment or two he spoke again.

"You all know the rules of this honourable court. The magical arts are those which should always be greatly respected and never abused. Those who seek to abuse them have absolutely no part or place in this court."

Maeve exchanged a look with Seamus.

"That's what he thinks!" she snapped bitterly.

"Shhhs Maeve." Seamus replied. "You must be quiet now. When you do adress his Highness, just make sure that you're defense is a good one!"

At that point, the king then noticed Maeve as she stood by the entrance.

"Well now. You've finally arrived then, Maeve. What kept you?" he demanded to know.

Maeve didn't reply.

"That's some awful mess you've made out there. Would you care to try and explain as to what it was all about, then?"

"Not particularly." Maeve replied bitterly. "I don't have to answer to the likes of you!"

"Oh don't you now?!" King Connor replied somewhat sarcastically. "We didn't grant you our sacred Golden Book of magic just so that you could use it to cause the amount of untold damage and destruction that has now resulted."

"Well if you must know," Maeve retorted. "I was just trying to be equal with Aillil. I won't tolerate being unequal in any wat. And at any rate, haven't I already won many mighty battles and seen many enemies defeated?"

"What about the Cattle Raid then? That wasn't exactly a success was it?"

"That was a great victory!" Maeve retorted angrilly. "It was an extremely difficult battle but I prevailed as indeed, I always do. How dare you question my abilities as a leader!"

"Great victory?! It was an absolute diasaster! Just look at the consquences of what's happened! Hundreds of men dead and an untold amount of damage destroyed!"

"A small price to pay for defending my honour!" Maeve shot back.

"Well... we can't let this go unpunished!"

"You're not going to punish me!"

"I'm afraid that we have no choice now! You knew the rules and you delibrately broke them."

"Now wait....!" Maeve began.

But King Connor was not in the mood for any excuses. He stood up and, once again, pointed his staff directly at Maeve.

Seeing what was about to happen, Seamus immediately ran down and stopped

"Wait Your Highness! This is not the way!"

"Out of the way Seamus! You know that this must be done!"

An enormous ball of lightning came bursting out of the king's magical staff. It immediately enveloped both Maeve and Seamus. It then changed into whirlwind with such intensity that everyone in the court held on to whatever they could find to try and stop themselves from being sucked into it.

Maeve and Seamus were absolutely swept off their feet and into the whirlwind.

Eventually, the whirlwind disappeared.

The Seelie Court eventually returned to some form of normality.

King Connor and his subjects managed to recover.

One of the king's subjects said "Don't you think you were a bit hard on them, Your Highness?"

"Not in the slightest. Anyway, I don't think we'll have any more trouble from those two." the king replied.



****************

Maeve and Seamus fell through the endless vastness of time and space.

"I knew I should never have listened to you Seamus!"

"Me?! You were the one who couldn't keep your anger in check! You really need to get a hold on that!"

Eventually, they both landed with a fairly hard thump back on the ground.

Maeve's hot temper boiled within her like a volcano.

"That arrogant little elf!" she spat comtemptously. "How dare he insult my honour like that! I'll get even with him!"

"That's as well as maybe!" Seamus called from the branch of a nearby tree. "But you know you haven't got a hope in hell's chance of defeating him and you know it!"

"I don't care!" Maeve snapped. "I will have my revenge! I swear it!"

"I think I might just know a way for you to do that." Seamus told her.

"How? Tell me!" Maeve demanded to know.

"Well...There IS a way for you to exact your revenge but......"

"But what Seamus?! Why do you delay in telling me?"

"Because while there is a way it does require a major sacrifice on your part."

"Well then, show what this way is!"

"Do not commit so readily!" Seamus warned her. "This is a decision that, once made, can never be undone. Only a fool or an extremely desperate person would ever even consider doing something this risky."

"I don't particularly care what it takes." Maeve said icily. "I will have my revenge even if it means that I have to go through every single member of the sidhe to get it!".

"Okay but just bear that warning in mind!" Seamus said. "Now then, we must go and establish a new group of sidhe who will help us. Believe me there are plenty of them out there!"

With that, the two made their way into the forest."