My Ex wont leave me alone after brealing up 3 years ago

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I have been a member of boards, for a long time now, but I am going anon for this one. I hope i am putting this in the correct place.

I would like to know what would be the best way to deal with this situation. I broke up with my ex 3 years ago and then I moved to New Zealand. My ex toook the situation really badly. He was quite manipulative and controlling when I was with him and I got inundated with calls, text messages begging me to take him back so he could come to NZ. However I have moved on with my life, and I do not want anything to do with him.
He got my postal address from a friend who did not realise what was going on. I was sent letters, and a parcel that included a sex toy the first Christmas I was here. After receiving this I told him not to contact me anymore, and I did not respond to any emails, text messages etc. The frequency of the emails, texts etc have decreased, as I used to get 2 a week and now it seems to be at Christmas, but they the nature of them are getting creepier.

Last Christmas I got a 40 page novel explaining how I have destroyed his life and all further relationships. This year I have received an email stating how much he wants to be with me, have a child together and how he wants to to save money to come to NZ. I still have not contacted him in any way.

I have thought about calling the police, however I do feel that due to the fact I am in NZ and he is in Ireland, they will not be able to do anything.

I would really appreciate any advice on dealing with the situation as I would like this to completely stop.

Thank you

Ursus Horribilis

Would it be worth contacting the Gardaí? Though having said that, the help you get with these sorts of issues sadly depends on the person you deal with.

jimmycrackcorm

LeaveMeAlone wrote:

Last Christmas I got a 40 page novel explaining how I have destroyed his life and all further relationships. This year I have received an email stating how much he wants to be with me, have a child together and how he wants to to save money to come to NZ. I still have not contacted him in any way.

Reply to him that you will post this novel on social media if he ever contacts you again and wants to be infamous on the internet.

Wompa1

If I was you, I'd leave it alone. Ignore everything he sends. Don't even look at it, burn it. Ask your friends that might know him to please not tell him anything about you. Then he won't even know if you still live at that address.

warpdrive

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Reply to him that you will post this novel on social media if he ever contacts you again and wants to be infamous on the internet.

Honestly, this. Be concise but detailed enough to get your point across well enough.

"I scanned and screenshotted the pathetic novel you wrote and made it into a PDF file. Contact or send me anything from this point forward and your family members will each receive copies both in the post and by e-mail, just to be sure they receive it. Further contact after that will result in me posting the screenshots on all social media for everyone to see. Goodbye!"


If this wouldn't stop him then the guy's fuked in the head.

crazygeryy

Well one thing you could do is change your email address.the other is if you meet your postman.hand him the letters from your ex and ask him to Mark them no longer at this address.be consistent with the second one and hopefully he'll eventually get tired and stop contacting you via mail.
Small suggestions but they might help.

bp

Next time you receive mail, just cross out your address and write return to sender on it. Block his email address, set social media to highest setting and don't bother opening anything from him. Make sure all your friends know not to give him your contact details.

If you are worried about his mental health get in touch with his parents. Also drop a note to the guards just so it is on record

RedemptionZ

I don't think threatening him with putting it on the internet is the right way to go at all. This guy is clearly mentally unstable, it's three years on and this is still happening. You wouldn't want a suicide on your conscience.

There's no harm going to the police and seeing what they say. Though I do feel that while he's a nuisance he hasn't actually broken any law I'd be aware of, certainly not one they'd give much priority to. Have you blocked his number and changed yours?

You'll probably just have to ignore them until he eventually gives up unfortunately. At least you're in a country very far away!

intheclouds

Bounce emails back with a "mailbox doesn't exist" and return all post with "not known at this address".

Also inform all mutual friends as to the creepy nature of the situation and insist no one updates him with any details of your life.

Ursus Horribilis

What sort of relationship do you have with his family? Would they be worth contacting?

mapaca

I second everything bp just said: send back letters, change your email address, etc. Don't go publishing stuff he sent you or threatening to publish it, this would be giving him the reaction he's looking for. If you can, contact his family and let them know what's going on, sounds like he needs help.

crazygeryy

bp wrote: »

Next time you receive mail, just cross out your address and write return to sender on it. Block his email address, set social media to highest setting and don't bother opening anything from him. Make sure all your friends know not to give him your contact details.

If you are worried about his mental health get in touch with his parents. Also drop a note to the guards just so it is on record

No dont Write return to sender in your own writing, every time you do it he will see your hand writing.get an official return to sender sticker And send it back.ie get the postie to do it.

LegacyUser

I would say to be very careful sending him a message saying that you have screenshots of the abuse he's sent and that you will display it on Facebook. The idea behind that would be to give him a fright so that he backs off and moves on and a fright he needs. It might have the opposite effect. He's looking for a response from you and sending him a message would feed into that. If you send him a message, the abuse might increase from him and take on different forms.

I was on the receiving end of much abuse myself. I ignored messages and changed my number and that helped. It moved onto emails and other forms like a fake Facebook profile. The abuse has decreased down to virtually zero except for once in a while which is ignored.

Sorry I don't have much advice for you here. It's a tricky situation you are in. If you have any plans for a holiday home to Ireland during the next year, you could perhaps let the Gardai know and pass the matter onto them. They should contact him and give him a warning.

GunnerBlue

intheclouds wrote: »

Bounce emails back with a "mailbox doesn't exist" and return all post with "not known at this address".

Also inform all mutual friends as to the creepy nature of the situation and insist no one updates him with any details of your life.

This

Ineedaname

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Reply to him that you will post this novel on social media if he ever contacts you again and wants to be infamous on the internet.

I wouldn't recommend this. It sounds like he wants to get a reaction out of you. If you give him what he wants it could make him more bold not less.

Just ignore him. Anything he sends you throw it straight in the bin.

Augme

Does he have any family or friends you could contact and explain to them? It sounds like the guys needs professional help and I doubt any of friends/family realise how he is behaving. If they did they might be able to get him help.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,
Op here. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my post and respond. I really appreciate all the advice and opinions. I will be taking it all on board.

I am not going to publish any of his emails etc or his novel online. I do feel any type of reaction from me would send the wrong message and it may encourage him.

His number is blocked, and his emails are automatically redirected into a folder so they are not in the main inbox and don’t appear on my phone. All mutual friends on facebook are on the restricted profile setting.

I have contacted the NZ Police and they are unable to do anything as he has not threatened me or done anything illegal. I haven’t contacted the Gardai as I am sure I would get the same response. However if I arrange any plans to visit Ireland, I contact them to give them a heads up on the situation.
I have tried contacting a close friend of his however I have not heard back yet. I will try again as he may have been busy over the Christmas period.