Casual confusion!

LegacyUser

Hi guys, just a little dilemma here and wondering what you all think.

So, I've been involved with a guy on and off (mostly on!) for the past few years on a purely casual basis. FWB you could say. We both agreed we wouldn't sleep with other people, purely due to sexual reasons. I would dread catching something from someone with multiple partners.

It's quite odd, as it seems like a real relationship but we agree we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. We don't "date" or hang out with each others friends, etc.

This Christmas he bought me a seriously expensive bottle of my favourite perfume. I was quite stunned to be honest. He'd never bought me anything before (except sex related stuff!). I'm wondering if this means anything? I think my reaction of genuine shock has surprised him a bit as he's gone a bit quiet now!

Any ideas folks?

Wompa1

HappyNewYear16 wrote: »

Hi guys, just a little dilemma here and wondering what you all think.

So, I've been involved with a guy on and off (mostly on!) for the past few years on a purely casual basis. FWB you could say. We both agreed we wouldn't sleep with other people, purely due to sexual reasons. I would dread catching something from someone with multiple partners.

It's quite odd, as it seems like a real relationship but we agree we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. We don't "date" or hang out with each others friends, etc.

This Christmas he bought me a seriously expensive bottle of my favourite perfume. I was quite stunned to be honest. He'd never bought me anything before (except sex related stuff!). I'm wondering if this means anything? I think my reaction of genuine shock has surprised him a bit as he's gone a bit quiet now!

Any ideas folks?

Likely doesn't mean anything. Unless he's asking you to go on dates or meet his family or something. Then there's no reason to think otherwise. You're just his piece on the side as is he to you.

I'd be really surprised if he was 100% faithful to the no s3x with other people rule, though. That's daft. Why would any guy agree to that with somebody they aren't committed to? Other than to just keep the s3x coming, I guess.

bilbot79

If you wish it meant more than it does then I think you should move on and find someone that loves you

magneticimpulse

Perfume in this case might not mean anything because if you think about it the only thing you wear in bed is perfume! And the smell of it might just turn him on.

If he had gotten something you can't wear in the bedroom then I'd be surprised. Think about it? Perfume is about €100 at most (unless it's some extreme rare brand)...that's not really a lot for regular free sex that saves him having to buy drinks for a strange woman in order to get her into bed etc. Or a really nice dinner date he might spend €100 on dinner in a fancy restaurant. I know guys who would not think twice about spending €1000 on a night out in a strip club. When it comes to sex and only sex guys have no problem with money. However he clearly hasn't introduced you to family etc.

It doesn't sound like he has done anything else to change the situation from a fwb situation.

retro:electro

Maybe he just didn't want you to feel like all you are is a sexual object to him. He prob wanted to show that he has respect for you as well. A nice thought I would say, but nothing to majorly read into and analyse.

LegacyUser

Are you 100% happy with the arrangement? Do you want to find someone who loves you and you love? If you have feelings for this guy you're in for major heart break. Why are you reading into things like this? I hope you are not closing the door on opportunities to meet other people because of this guy.

Merkin

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Perfume in this case might not mean anything because if you think about it the only thing you wear in bed is perfume! And the smell of it might just turn him on.

If he had gotten something you can't wear in the bedroom then I'd be surprised. Think about it? Perfume is about €100 at most (unless it's some extreme rare brand)...that's not really a lot for regular free sex that saves him having to buy drinks for a strange woman in order to get her into bed etc. Or a really nice dinner date he might spend €100 on dinner in a fancy restaurant. I know guys who would not think twice about spending €1000 on a night out in a strip club. When it comes to sex and only sex guys have no problem with money. However he clearly hasn't introduced you to family etc.

It doesn't sound like he has done anything else to change the situation from a fwb situation.

I really don't appreciate the inference here and it's certainly not appropriate to suggest that perfume is in lieu of payment. Also making statements like:

'When it comes to sex and sex only guys have no problem with money'

This is a spurious and offensive generalisation.

I'd advise you to go and remind yourself of the charter before posting anywhere in PI/RI again because there have been a number of your posts that simply aren't up to the standard required. Consider this a warning.

bloominballix

OP, you're in a committed monogamous relationship with this guy, whether you want to call it that or not.

Matteroffact

There is always the chance that he has developed feelings for you, but your shock at the present had him thinking that you don't feel the same, so now he is embarrassed and is laying low. If he means nothing more to you than a sex buddy then you would not be shy about bringing this subject up with him. Sounds a bit like you are hoping he has developed feelings and that is a whole new ball game !

HelgaWard

Or it could be that he won the perfume, didn't realise the value and just decided to give it to you!! You won't know unless you ask him!

shamrock2004

Wompa1 wrote: »

I'd be really surprised if he was 100% faithful to the no s3x with other people rule, though. That's daft. Why would any guy agree to that with somebody they aren't committed to?

This drives me mad. Why is it always the guy that's portrayed as unfaithful? You're talking non-sense. It's 2015. Women cheat and lie as much as men do and you would know if you read this forum regularly.

dudara

@bilbot79 - please do not argue with a mod on thread, as it causes the thread to go off-topic. I have deleted your post, but feel free to contact the relevant mod or mods via PM to discuss their decision.

dudara

strandroad

It's a nice gesture to appreciate the sensual side of you that you're sharing with him... it actually seems very appropriate to me.

Wompa1

shamrock2004 wrote: »

This drives me mad. Why is it always the guy that's portrayed as unfaithful? You're talking non-sense. It's 2015. Women cheat and lie as much as men do and you would know if you read this forum regularly.

In this case because I assume since the OP brought it up that she's sticking to it. It's not being unfaithful, in my opinion. They aren't in a relationship. Why would you agree to not have s3x with other women if you're not in a relationship with somebody?...This isn't a male vs female thing. I'm just assuming in this case that the OP has only been having s3x with him.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for replying!

First off - we have agreed to not have sex with others as both our needs are being met with our situation. He has said he has no desire to sleep with others and so have I. I get exactly what I want from this, as does he.

I do understand how it may seem an odd situation but it suits us both perfectly! We both don't enjoy the "dating" stroke "couply" side of things yet we adore the sexual/friendship end of it.

The fact he spent in excess of €100 on a present for me left me gobsmacked 'cause this guy is notoriously stingy!!! He cries when he pays his phone bill LOL! I find it a lovely gesture but one I wasn't expecting at all.

I would be a bit worried if he is developing "feelings" for me as I don't want to change anything. I am 100% happy with how things are. Yet he hasn't given any other hints to say he is. Maybe he was just being nice and I am overthinking it. Again, it's so out of character for him to spend that much on anyone, that's what's thrown me!

Thanks again guys

Shrap

HappyNewYear16 wrote: »

First off - we have agreed to not have sex with others as both our needs are being met with our situation. He has said he has no desire to sleep with others and so have I. I get exactly what I want from this, as does he.

Well, regardless of whether you're in a full-blown loving and committed relationship or not, you clearly have a special place in his life and he in your's which you both appreciate. You're great mates and sexual partners who have a lot of fun together. I like the gesture of the gift and I don't think the meaning of it needs to be over analysed.

If he was "developing feelings" beyond what you have together, you'd think he'd have hinted at going on dates together or socialising as a couple or something, instead of expecting an expensive present to drop the hint. I doubt you have anything to worry about.

CaraMay

Seeing as you get on so well, surely if he wanted more he would tell you?