He's selfish or I'm too demanding?

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Basically things between partner and I have become very strained.
I feel he's very disrespectful towards me and very self centred. We were putting a brave face on things in front of family this Xmas which has been exhausting in itself! We had a discussions where I told him I felt he didn't care about me and gave examples.

On the way home from a family (his family) lunch this evening I didn't feel well very painful stomach cramps and mentioned this 3 times which partner ignored. Turns out he had arranged to meet a relative visting from abroad for a few pints. Partner can never do a few pints. (another story). I told him I wasn't feeling well but he still went off and left me with young child. Anyway texted him as he had my car keys and told him I didn't want to be stranded with no car in case had to go to Dr. Pain was quite bad at this stage. He brought keys back reluctantly. Then asked " are you going to bed or the doctor?' I told him I was waiting to see how I felt to which he very unconvincingly asked "anything I can do" I said no and he walked out the door.

Am still uncomfortable but pain has subsided thankfully. It's now almost 2am and partner not checked in once. Baby was unsettled and only just gone to sleep! Am completely wrecked. Tomorrow he will be hungover and Moody.

This is just one example of many. Is this selfish or am I expecting too much? FYI relative he is meeting is here for another week

Ursus Horribilis

Neither. I wonder why you have chosen to stay with someone who treats you so badly and why you had a child with him. I bet he doesn't help much with the child and you're technically a single mother anyway .

LegacyUser

If he loved you he would treat you better. Dont be thinking that you are being too demanding. It sounds like you know how you want to be treated but you lowered your standards with that guy.

whiskeyman

Has this always been the way?
Is it just since the baby came along?

GalwayGrrrrrl

It sounds like you need to communicate more with him- you asked for car keys which he bought home. If you'd wanted him to stay with you because you were sick you should have told him so. Men aren't mind readers- in his eyes he did what you asked so was free to go off and enjoy himself. There's obviously more to this than just this one episode but I can see his side in this case (I'm female by the way).

bloominballix

Are we talking menstrual cramps here? He had arranged to meet a relative who's home from abroad, cancelling plans in that case may be very inconvenient for the relative. He brought home the car keys and asked you if there's anything he can do, you said no. So, what exactly did you want him to do?

sReq | uTeK

Would it not have been easier to mention to your OH in the car that you had very painful cramps and would he mind staying home. Just seems like a lot of vague messages hoping he will get the point. Just come out right and say it. With that said he should have been a bit more caring and considerate. However a relative from abroad could mean multiples things without context. How long has it been since he saw him. Was this his only chance to see him. Are they good friends. Etc etc

LeeLooLee

It kind of comes across that you're quite passive aggressive. If he asked if there was anything he could do and you wanted him to stay with you, you should have said so. Some people are just really bad at picking up hints. Stomach cramps are not generally considered a big deal - I wouldn't expect someone to cancel their night out if I had stomach cramps (I have them all the time as I have a chronic bowel disorder), but we don't have much context here.

Wompa1

Agree with the others. If you wanted or expected him to stay home with you, you should have told him.

Despm

Try talk straight with him, ask him to stay with you next time and if he says no or even hesitated then you will know better.