Friends (or lack of)

Spom

I'm a 26 year old girl who is finding my lack of friends difficult to cope with. I have maybe 5 good friends outside of work. 3 have emigrated, 1 has moved a 4 hr drive away and the other is struggling with depression after the loss of a partner. So although I might be in touch with these people and I do have close friends, I basically have no one to go anywhere or do anything with if I feel like it.

I am very popular in work and have not struggled to make work friends. We all go out together at times and it's great. I have met wonderful people through work. However all my work friends still have their own separate private friends to go places with. I don't. All of my friends that will accompany me anywhere are through this job or my previous job. But even my friends from my work have their own separate friends and new friends to go places with and I am an afterthought. I don't fault them for this but it is difficult not being in the same situation.


My close friends do stay in touch and I am appreciative of that more than words can say, but it is difficult with people leading separate lives and living away etc. It isn't the the same as when we all used to head out together. I am considering emigrating to make a new life for myself but am a bit unsure at present.

Not sure exactly what I am looking for. Just wondering if anyone else has been through this and what the best course of action is. Also wondering if emigrating might help alleviate the problem. Although just to make it clear that's not the main reason I'm considering emigrating - I have been playing around with the idea for a number of years now. Just afraid of moving and then suddenly realising it's not for me. Thanks.

R.D. aka MR.D

You're going to have to put yourself out there. You say that you are an afterthought to your work friends. Do they know that you'd like to join them?

Or if you get on well then why don't you invite them to something.

You have to be proactive when making friends. Living abroad won't suddenly change that fact. You'll still have to make the effort to invite people to things or to let people know you want to hang out with them.

Friendships change after school etc. You have to do more work.

athtrasna

Join a club, consider something like a musical society. I moved to Dublin knowing one person, musicals have given me the best friends of my life, in Dublin and beyond.

whatismyname

I've been there in the past, and it does get easier.

Have you checked www.meetup.com to see what groups are happening in your area? They are perfect for people in your situation, as there'll be lots of people in the same boat.

It worked really well for me, and I'd definitely recommend checking out.

Rachiee

Sites like meet up.com are great for getting out more but still very difficult to make friends with other people unless you make a very conscious effort to exchange contacts and invite to things outside of the group etc. It's not something I've been able to do.
I find an easier way to make friend is to join a specific club or group where you have set members doing a set thing like a chess club hillwalking club, drama group, musical society,sports club,choir etc. as the members are set you see the same people every week and can build friendships from there and having a common aim with a club really helps bonding so you get closer to eachother much quicker.

I joined meet up.com 6 years ago and I also joined a drama group 7 years ago I have met hundreds of wonderful people through meet up but I haven't made a single friend.
However i have made very close friendships with people from the drama group socialising outside of the group and even going on holidays together.
that's just my experience
It's really hard to make new friends as an adult and as another poster said you really need to start either inviting yourself to tag along or inviting people to go with you outright, that's hard but it pays off dividends.

whatismyname

Rachiee wrote: »

Sites like meet up.com are great for getting out more but still very difficult to make friends with other people unless you make a very conscious effort to exchange contacts and invite to things outside of the group etc. It's not something I've been able to do.

Yep, I think that definitely be the case, but that it probably depends on the group and the people involved.

If someone joins with the intention of making friends, there will likely have been other people who've done the same.

Yes, an effort will need to be made to arrange things outside of meetup, so gotta be willing to make that effort, once you get to know people. But on the other hand sometimes friendships can naturally form - I have made a whole group of friends through meetup, but in particular two of my closest friends I have met through it, so it is definitely possible and I would still highly recommend it for the OP.

Milly33

I defo think that some people just have a lot of friends and some dont..

I do feel for you it is hard to manage sometimes but in time youll learn that those good friends you have are gems and maybe you are just one of those people who have a few close friends and that is it..Maybe your just not someone who needs a lot of friends although as such you would like the company to do things, maybe you could just do them by yourself and enjoy meeting people along the way.

I remember going away and coming back being all excited only to find like that friends like that, had left to go abroad one then who i would have considered a very good friend was having kids and well i learned quickly that she only wanted me when she wanted something.. So found myself bored off my nut, drank to much, then cleaned a lot and found things to keep me busy..

I enjoy good company but i find i am not a girly girl and I hate the bitceyness that goes on a lot between girls, so whilst i tried to meet other people I just found it very hard to click into their groups.. There was a loverly bunch of ladies i will say on boards who set up just a walking evening which was very nice, just going for a stroll and a natter was great and they were loverly so maybe you could try something like this...

Moving abroad i suppose is like changing jobs but just on a bigger scale. do you have anyone in the place you are thinking of moving too or if it didnt work do you have someplace you could come back to

westernlass

Spom wrote: »

I'm a 26 year old girl who is finding my lack of friends difficult to cope with. I have maybe 5 good friends outside of work. 3 have emigrated, 1 has moved a 4 hr drive away and the other is struggling with depression after the loss of a partner. So although I might be in touch with these people and I do have close friends, I basically have no one to go anywhere or do anything with if I feel like it.


I am very popular in work and have not struggled to make work friends. We all go out together at times and it's great. I have met wonderful people through work. However all my work friends still have their own separate private friends to go places with. I don't. All of my friends that will accompany me anywhere are through this job or my previous job. But even my friends from my work have their own separate friends and new friends to go places with and I am an afterthought. I don't fault them for this but it is difficult not being in the same situation.


My close friends do stay in touch and I am appreciative of that more than words can say, but it is difficult with people leading separate lives and living away etc. It isn't the the same as when we all used to head out together. I am considering emigrating to make a new life for myself but am a bit unsure at present.

Not sure exactly what I am looking for. Just wondering if anyone else has been through this and what the best course of action is. Also wondering if emigrating might help alleviate the problem. Although just to make it clear that's not the main reason I'm considering emigrating - I have been playing around with the idea for a number of years now. Just afraid of moving and then suddenly realising it's not for me. Thanks.

Have you heard of girl crew? Set up cos there's lots of girls looking to make friends and try new things but friends not free

beatlesfan3333

I would recommend volunteering for a charity, as the members might organise nights out etc at the weekends. Also, joining a sports club is brilliant, such as Camogie or women's football. You get to know the team and people in the area and they will probably also organise nights out. Hang in there and best of luck with it!